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Is international adoption harder?

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snicker26

Asked by snicker26 at 11:47 PM on Mar. 15, 2011 in Adoption

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • i heard it was easier, but i have no idea.. .
    3HappylKidds

    Answer by 3HappylKidds at 12:07 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • What do you mean harder? Harder on the adoptive couple, the adoptee, or the birth parents?
    What would you consider easier?
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:17 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • What do you mean by easier? Process or what??
    My dd is adopted from China. She has been home 4 years ( in just 2 weeks). I will be glad to answer any questions you may have...
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 7:38 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • what do you mean in just two weeks, well for the parents will it be better to adopt internationally or from here.


    Lilly will celebrate 4 years with us in 2 weeks on April 3. We met her on that day 4 years ago. No process is better than another. Please don't go into the process thinking of ease on you and your emotions. The focus needs to be on the adoptee, not the adoptive parents. The process is long and exhausting regardless of which route you take- foster adoption, domestic infant or International.IA takes a long time due to going through 4 layers of government..it can also be very expensive. The same could be said of domestic infant adoption..

    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:13 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • Cont..
    Foster care is minimal costs if at all and the state usually reimburses all expenses.Some kids have Medicaid until they are 18 and have a subsidy attached to their case file. Remember that in general- adoptees will experience grief at one point in their lives. Our pain pales in comparison to what an adoptee feels in navigating their feelings about adoption. IA kids are ripped from EVERYTHING they have ever known in their lives- culture, heritage, language, their birth country..
    Adoption is hard. Period... Keep in mind that research shows that an open adoption is best for adoptees.. as the parent of a child from China I can tell you that it is incredibly difficult and heart wrenching to have absolutely no information to give my dd. She has questions that I cannot answer for her and there is no way to get those answers for her. A closed adoption is very hard to deal with. You have to really delve inside yourself
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:19 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • continued..again..
    to really decide which process is going to be the best fit for your family. I would suggest that you read " Twenty things Adoptees wish their parents knew" as well as some blogs from IA kids. I would also suggest reading things from first mothers/families and getting their POV as well. There are 3 parts to the triad and while a-parents have usually endured some heartache, adoptees and first moms endure it every second of the day and their pain should never be diminished or ignored. There are some first mom groups on CM, as well as groups that have tons of adoptees in them as well. Please let me know if there is anything I can help you with.......
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 8:24 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • mcginnisc you rule.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:38 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • thank you, mcginnisc.
    You can't go out and shop or bargin hunt the best deal for one of us as easy as some people think.
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 1:59 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • OTT- Awww...you'll make me blush... lol... in all seriousness- I had rose colored glasses when I began my research 7 years ago and have learned A LOT over the years...especially about the triad and the emotions involved. It KILLS me that L's first mom is without her and has no clue whether she is even alive or not. I understand the complexities of the Chinese adoption process and the politics, but it is still very difficult even 4 years later to navigate the feelings involved.
    Adopteeme- I hope that my daughter understands how much she is loved and that we never want her to feel like we went into this lightly. We did a ton of research and a lot of soul searching before embarking on the rollercoaster of adoption. No adoptee should ever feel second best or unloved or even bought for that matter. So much reform is needed...sigh...
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 5:03 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • "The Adoption Resource Book" by Lois Gilman proves information about all different types of adoption. Which process is more difficcult is a very subjective thing. Understanding more about adoption, its impact, etc is the best way to decide for yourself. The book was recommended to us as a starting point and I found it to be very helpful.
    momofryan07

    Answer by momofryan07 at 4:50 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

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