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What to do!! please help!!

well me and my husband got back together 2 months ago! i filed for a divorce, and wasnt with him for 7 months, we have a 3 yr old son! well i left b/c he has a drinking problem and b/c he wont grow up!

Well the whole time we were separated he never tried to see his son, so i was always the one making the 1st step to do it. now that im back with him he does do things with our son. but im not happy! i think i came back b/c i didnt want to hurt him or my son my son was having a hard time with it! ( I care about other peoples feelings to much) i hate it!!

Anyways while i was separated i met this great guy that loved me and my son with everything and he would do anything in this world for us still would!

Well im not happy with my husband b/c he hasnt changed like he said he was going to! He does do things with our son! but if i leave im afraid that that relationship will end! Today my son told me "Mommy im glad you and daddy are back together" so should i stay to keep my son happy! My son means the world to me and hes the only thing that matters!!

oh and my husband lost his job b/c of his drinking well he went to work drunk they told him to leave and come in the next day and they would talk about it but he just came home and stayed drunk for 3 days!

I really miss the other guy and i think im n love with him! i think im staying with my husband for my son! and the only thing i want is to keep my son happy! me and my husband dont fight b/c we dont even talk much!

i have done canceled the court date and stopped everything i dont have a income right now! im so upset and worried!! what can i do!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:19 AM on Mar. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Try to work out your marriage, not only for your son, but for the fact that you said vows. "for better or for worse" includes drinking problems, try to get your husband some help before you escape to someone new.

    Answer by cdecker83 at 1:22 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • i completely understand but YOU deserve to be happy too. i look at it (at times) if you cant be truly happy how is your child suppose to feel truly happy?! you tell your husband if he wants to work things out he need to complete an alchohl (sp) class. also its always nice to meet new people just take things slow with this new guy he could be actually really good for you and your son :)

    Answer by shellychivell at 1:23 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I also was in a relationship that I wasnt happy in, and was staying for my kids. The longer I stayed the worse it got, physically and mentally. I did have my family that lived out of town to fall back on, because like you I had no income at the time. I think that is basically something that you would have to consider the pros and cons on. No matter what decision you make, it sounds like someones feelings are gonna be hurt. Sorry I couldnt be much help, but I really hope that everything works out for you!!

    Answer by momof3skk at 1:27 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • i dont care about another relationship right now! im just saying he made me realize how i should be treated! my husband does anything and everything he wants, doesnt want me doing anything.. leaves nights at a time and ive found pics on facebook where hes at another girls house the other night my cousin told me he was texting a girl!
    Im sick and tired of being treated like im nothing and the only one trying
    Cdecker83 trust me i would love for this marriage to work hes my first everything we have been together 6 years but what if he doesnt want it
    he told me one night when he came in drunk he didnt give a shit about me only wanted me back so he could have his son i asked him when he sobered up if he ment it he said no but still why do i feel that way then

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:30 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Remember, children repeat patterns into adulthood. If your son sees you staying in a marriage that you're not happy with, there is a very good chance that he will do the same thing when he is an adult. The same goes with the drinking, being around an alcoholic his entire childhood could coax him into the same problem later in life. If your husband only wants to be around your son on the condition that you stay with him, then he isn't a very good father. As far as the other guy, it sounds like you are dependent on men. You are never going to have a working relationship until you become your own person. When you didn't have your husband anymore, you immediately found another man that you want to replace him. You need to leave your husband and take care of you and your son. Live in your own house without a man. If it is going to work out with him in the long run, it will work out just as well if you take things slow.

    Answer by TiffanieK at 1:30 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • drunken words are sober thoughts.

    Answer by shellychivell at 1:31 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I lived on my own and me and the other guy wernt dating just a really really good friend! i took care of my son and it was just me and him!!! im not worried about another relationship, i just seen how i should be treated!!

    and ive always heard that drunken words are sober thoughts!!
    Thanks ladies
    But im still confused and dont know what to do?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:43 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I agree with TiffanieK & momof3skk ...

    BEEN there and done that.....

    Will NEVER GO BACK !!!!!!

    Wish you all the best ♥♥♥♥♥

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 4:37 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I agree that if he only does things with his son when you're with him, he is not a good father. I tryed that route for awhile, staying for the kids, but in the long run, it didn't do any justice for the kids. I now believe that it is not always in the kids best interest to stay in a relationship for them. Someone else said too that your child can't be completely happy when he sees you not happy, that is so true! It is not healthy for him to one, live with an alcoholic, and 2, to live with parents who barely talk to one another. Kids are resillient, and they are smart! Your son will be just fine as long as he has you on his side doing everything you can! good luck to you

    Answer by joanie70 at 5:01 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • You're living with an alcoholic who cares for nothing, but himself. This is worse than leaving him and disappointing your son. Children are resilient and do recover faster than we think. My mother stayed with an abusive alcoholic because she had no choice. Years ago there were no agencies like there are today to get help. My one and only brother died over 10 years ago. I've suffered a nervous breakdown; living with an alcoholic father was part of the problem and I'm 55! It left all of us scarred for life. Your husband doesn't care about your son like a responsible parent should. If he did, he would have been spnding time with him when you were separated. Go through with the divorce proceedings. Do it for your son and for yourself. Before getting involved with another man, get professional help. This is Women's History Month- be a strong woman!

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:14 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

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