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2 Bumps

Should I tell my MIL or just avoid the subject?

My MIL live 6 hours away, so other than phone calls every other day, I don't have to deal with her much. However, they are planning a weeks vacation to our area in July and she is having a fit to babysit my kids. (My oldest is about to turn 3 and she has NEVER kept any of them alone for any length of time at all). I will not be letting her babysit. I just don't trust her with my kids. She smokes like a freight train, even when we visit, she only plays with the kids for small amounts of time, no real efforts.... And to top it all off she has a super creepy boyfriend that I don't even want to get within 5 feet of my kids, much less leave them in a house with him for any length of time. So all that said, Do I outright tell her she can't babysit or just keep avoiding her when she mentions it? I don't want to hurt her feelings, I just don't want to lie to her either. Help.


Asked by Kimedbs at 8:44 AM on Mar. 16, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 21 (11,521 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • it's not that op doesn't want her to be a grandma, it's the mil that doesn't want to be a grandma! why would you smoke so much and lie in bed with such a creepo and then expect other people to just hand over their small children. she didn't push those kids out - the op did. that means she has say in what happens with those kids.
    op, why are you doing your husband's dirty work by dealing with his mother? you shouldn't be fielding daily calls from her - that's his job. if he doesn't want to talk to her, then he can chose to ignore the call. you should not be in the middle of this at all.
    go with your gut, mama, and listen to your hubby. g/l!

    Answer by AngryBob at 9:09 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Check and see if her boyfriend is on the sex offenders list. And as for watching your kids? She did raise your husband didnt she? Tell her she CANT smoke in your home or around the kids because of health issues and if she cant abide that then she cant watch them. If you just ignore this, your going to have a VERY awkward conversation with her when she is at your house. Head the argument off before it blows up on you.

    Answer by vbruno at 8:54 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I'm also curious how your husband feels about it.

    Maybe you can let her babysit for hour. Go to the grocery store down the street so that you'll be close to home.

    Let her know that smoking is not permitted near your son & that you expect her to respect that. I feel sorry for her. One day you will know how shitty it feels for the parent to not allow you, the grandma, to babysit. Think if how you would feel if your son's wife told you "no, you're not allowed to babysit my son"...

    ouch....i say let her be a grandma....

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:04 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • It sounds like you dont want her to be a grandma. That is how I would take it (being a grandma myself). I would let her babysit for a small time like a couple hours and set some ground rules. Tell her they are allergic to smoke or something lol. You also need to talk to your husband about it as the previous poster stated. I dont like my mil much and she also smokes and my fil isnt exactly the peaches cream, but they are my kids grandparents. I just make sure I laid down "rules" with them before they can watch any of the kids. If you say no out right, this can start a serious war.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:52 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Have your husband tell her.

    Answer by MelissaAnn224 at 8:56 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Smokes like a freight train and her boyfriend is creepy...NO WAY would I leave my children alone with them. I probably would try to avoid saying it straight out like that, but if push came to shove I would not hesitate. Our first job is to protect them, and if MIL gets offended too bad. JMO

    Answer by meooma at 8:58 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • If there is one thing I have learned as a parent, that is to trust your instincts. If you don't feel comfortable, don't let her watch your kids. However, you could have her watch the kids without ever leaving the house. Don't mow your lawn, let your garden get a little overgrown. If she wants to watch the kids while you are outside, then do that. We don't allow my kids to be outside while we mow the lawn, and I don't like them to be inside by themselves. So we have someone watch them while we are outside. Allow her some time alone with them, but give her some rules. Your house/kids, your rules. Tell her no smoking, period. No tv, computer, you don't let the kids watch too much, and no boyfriend. Send the boyfriend on errands with your DH. This is just an idea, compromise. But as I said, if you don't feel comfortable, don't allow her to watch your kids.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 9:48 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Your kids! Your rules!! end of story!

    Answer by salexander at 9:56 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • How does your husband feel about the situation? Does he back you up on it or does he want his mother to watch the kids? That's going to make the difference. If he's behind you, then there should be no problem just saying to her, we don't want or need to go out anywhere, and as a matter of fact, we'd love to be able to spend the time with you guys while you're here. If he's not behind you and feels he wants his mother to watch the kids ... Good Luck.

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 8:50 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • i think you should definitely tell her that her boyfriend is creepy...blame him, not

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:06 AM on Mar. 16, 2011