Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

11 Bumps

Herpes adult content

I have bee married for 14 years and I don't have the best marriage my husband thinks I have slept with other men and I swear on everything I love I have never slept with another man since we have been married now I may have flirted and talk to some over the phone but never went anywhere or had sex with anyone. Well I was not feeling well in the vaginal area and went to my GYN and she told me she thinks I have herpes I am so upset I don't know what to do, she said one of us may be a carrier and does not know it, I can not tell this to my husband because of fear, he will swear I gave it to him by sleeping with another man he has never put his hands on me but this may make him do it and divorce me. Yesterday he asked for oral sex and I gave it to him to make it seem like everything is okay, I am not really educated on this subject but I would like to know even though it is on my vagina can I pass it to him orally. I am crying while writing this because I am so scared. My sister has it and she said life is not over but I feel mines is because my husband is impotent and the only pleasure is oral sex so I am now afraid to have him give me oral sex I told him I has a yeast infection and can not do anything for about a week, and he starts questioning me on how did I get a yeast infection. Please help me if anyone has any answers

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Mar. 16, 2011 in Health

Answers (22)
  • First..worry about yourself because you are number one important.If you've never had sex with anyone else the entire time you were married...and you didn't have herpes BEFORE then hubby may be running astray while accusing you. I would worry about giving HIM oral because if he has herpes on his CAN get it on your mouth.
    Did you dr.prescribe you a medication?
    If you are afraid to talk to your husband about it...maybe you can ask your dr. for advice on this? Maybe you can set up an appointment for him to come with you and your dr. can tell him for you and she can explain things to him. Maybe the herpes was lying dormant.Maybe either one of you had it for a long time and had no idea what it was that you had. If it comes from the dr then maybe your husband will be more willing to believe it.(unless he was being dirty!)
    I hope everything works out for you.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 10:45 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I think you have bigger problems than an STD and that is bad enough. Your husband is controlling and having been with someone who does things like this, questioning how you got a yeast infection is very familiar, I know how completely exhausting it is. You should seek help for that.

    About herpes, you will hear tons of things about it because everyone has a different opinion about how one contracts it but I can tell you that you won't give it to him through oral. There are diferent strains that affect the eye, the mouth, and the genitals. It's just a virus first and foremost. As for having it for a while, I've even heard doctors differ on this. The gestation time between acquiring it and it appearing in sores in about two weeks. It can go into a sort of remission but that is after the first outbreak. I personally side with the doctors who say you don't contract it then a decade later it comes out. cont.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • cont. on another note, if he is always accusing you of cheating, it makes me wonder if he is. I dealt with that too and the short version is I was not the one cheating. Without knowing you in real life, I'd have to wonder what he's been doing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Do some research on the computer.Herpes can be dormant for MANY years! This does not mean either of you cheated...simply have him see a Dr to explain all of this, it is like any other can remain out of sight. My dear friend had the HPV virus and it went away.(dormant)when she was in her early twenties...but the virus came back in 2006 when it showed up as cancer ...she had it since birth. Simply talk to your DH...and make an is much more common then you think

    Answer by justalady774 at 11:00 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • My doctor gave me a cream to clear it up because she stated I don't need the oral medication because I don't have recurrent episodes, But he dosen't have open sores and has never had them as far as I know, my doctor stated she will talk to him but that is the part I am afraid of because the minute she goes to talk to him I am going to be labled a whore slut and any other name he can think of and possibly us physically fighting in no means am I scared of him but I don't want it to come to that. Thank you for the information

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:08 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I can not stop crying because this is worrying me to death I can't sleep because I am so afraid of the outcome if he finds out because he would swear I gave it to him or say he didn't give it to me someone else did. We have twin daughters and I am so afraid for them because if this comes out I could loose my family I just lost my dad last year and I am stressing about school family money and everthing else you can think of maybe once it clears up I will be okay the one thing I think I can't pass it only if I have an outbreak and I correct? Thank you ladies for you comments it is really helping more that you know

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:17 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I suggest you get confirmation before confronting your dh. Get a second opinion.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 12:29 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Okay first of all, it's not a big deal 1 in 4 people have either type 1 or 2. Type 1 is typically considered herpes in the mouth (cold sores), type 2 is typically considered genital. BUT either can be anywhere on the body. It can spread. But it can also lay dormant forever. Half the people with herpes don't even know they have it because they never experienced a breakout. Yet whether you've had a breakout or not you can "shed" the virus at any time. But even if just you or both of you have it, doesn't even mean you got it from sex. You can get herpes passed to you from your own mother if she had it during birth. Any parent or relative or person who kissed a baby or child could have potentially passed it on.

    But also don't take the doctors work for it based on looking. I only know a bit about it because for over I year I thought I had it. I was having outbreaks almost every month with my period.....CONT....

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 12:44 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • ...CONT....then one time I had the bumps as well. So I finally went to my doctors office. The PA didn't do a culture or blood test becasue I didn't have insurance, so she looked at it said "Yep looks like herpes" and gave me samples of one of the leading pills. I walked out of there feeling aweful and crying and not knowing what to tell my new boyfriend. But he was very supportive and we read up on it together.

    Then a few months later we found out I was pregnant. We got married sooner than planned and during my first OB visit when they order bloodwork I asked for the test for both type 1 and 2 to be done because of the previous "diagnosis"! The blood work came back NEGATIVE. He said sometimes yeast infections can reoccur around your period and look and give similiar symptoms to herpes.

    So a diagnosis cannot be made on just an examination, blood work should be done. Good Luck, but it's NOT the end of the world

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 12:48 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • You can be a carrier of it without knowing. It doesnt have to show up right away. If you're afraid he wont believe you then have him go to the doctor with you and have her explain to him so he doesnt think you're lying.
    First of all, if he questions how you got a yeast infection then he's ridiculous because they can just happen...its not like an STD

    Answer by -lovingliam- at 1:36 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.