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Is it selfish of me not to go to the hospital?

My uncle is dying, he's on a ventilator, and a tube down his throat to help with the extra mucous and whatever else so he doesn't choke. No one has said he's dying,....but it sounds like it to me. I have been praying to God that he just gives him strength to make it through this. I have babysitter for my girls now and my mom found me a ride (it's an hour away from home) ...But I just don't know if I want to go anymore. Mainly because I do not deal well with death of a loved one. I'd rather grieve at home by myself, and be by myself. But i'm afraid if I don't go and the Lord does call on him, that I will hate myself forever for not going.


Asked by knicole0708 at 11:40 AM on Mar. 16, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (21)
  • It's natural to feel this way & to not see it makes people kind of ignore the pain or not bring it all to reality. However, if you have any doubts you'll regret it you should go. You'll feel better that you did and I'm sure he will too. He needs the support and it may make him happy to know you took the time out to be there for him. A persons emotional state affects their physical health as well.

    Answer by -lovingliam- at 11:45 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • He can still hear you. Go for him. At the end you will feel better. You may wind up guilt riddled if you do not go.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 11:45 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Honestly, it's going to hurt... trust me, I've watched a few loved ones die.... but you need to go. Say your goodbyes and let him know how much you love him. If you need to talk you can message me. Trust me, it's going to hurt like hell but it will mean so much to him. I'm so sorry you are going through this... God Bless

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 11:48 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Yes, you ARE being selfish. You don't go see someone who is dying for yourself, you go for THEM. You go to comfort them in a time that could be very frightening to them. They need to know that you are there and that you love them. They need to face the unknown surrounded with love.
    I'm sorry if I come across as bitchy, but this question touches a nerve for me. My father has been in poor health for some time now. I have seen how my brother selfishly won't go see him because he can't handle seeing the changes that have occurred. I can't tell you how much this hurts my Dad. I also know how much my brother will suffer when my Dad passes. I know it's hard seeing someone you love suffer in that way, but you have to do it FOR them. Talk to them about your favorite memories, things you did together, something you loved that was unique to them, all of the things that made them them special. It will help you both, I promise.

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 12:14 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • No you are not being selfish but remember death is a big part of life.

    I think that it is best you do build your self up, conquer that fear like everything else and go because i know you love your Uncle but eventually everyone dies. It is so hard to deal with too began but when it is someone you love so dearly it is 10x worst.

    When my parents died, it was horrible but I knew what to expect and honestly it was like I was outside my body just looking at everyone who showed up for their funeral. It was unbelieivable but I believe if I hid from situations like that I would have never handled it so well when it came to the people I loved the most.

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:46 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I think you need to go. He will know you are there.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 11:48 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I think you should go. Who needs one more regret looming in the back of their mind.

    Answer by Nanixh at 11:50 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • look at it both ways, if you think it would make you feel worse not to go, then go.
    I probably wouldn't go either. most of the relatives that I know would not want someone's final memories to be when they were on tubes like that. Many of my family doesn't believe in viewings or funerals for the same reason.

    if it was me, I think I would just want to keep memories of him of better times.

    but you need to decide what is best for you.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 11:46 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I feel the same way as you do but I would force myself to go for him. I hope he recovers too.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:48 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Understandable, and I don't think its selfish. But he's not gone yet. He still needs comfort, especially at the end of his life if that's what this is. There will be plenty of time after he's gone to avoid the situation. Most people don't want to die alone.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 11:56 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

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