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4 Bumps

I need advice about a situation...

I have just recently startingsecretly seeing and having an intimate relationship with a guy that my cousin (very close cousin), used to date. We had been attracted to eachother for a very long time, but out of respect for my cousin's feelings in the beginning, (which we are all close friends), we never persued eachother. The last time they were together was about 2 years ago and they are not involved anymore at all. My cousin feels strongly about any of her friends EVER dating a guy that she used to date. She says that it is an absolute VIOATION.... (FYI: my cousin has been known to be with quite a few men and this rule applies to all no matter how long since she has been with them) He and I have been together on a couple of occasions so far and enjoy eachother's company- intimately and otherwise.

My question is: Am I in the wrong for dealing with him ON ANY LEVEL???? Please help!!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Mar. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Considering your cousins proclivities? You're NOT wrong. She can't go through half the male population of town and then say they're all off limits.

    She'll be pissed at you, no doubt. That's on HER.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:49 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I think keeping it a secret might make the situation worse. I would tell her soon that way she doesn't discover it own her own or from someone else.

    Answer by mommy_jules at 12:51 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • yeah u wrong u must have a guilty concious to post this...y will u want ur blood cousin leftovers uuhhh...thats trifling

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Sticky situation but your cousin has no right to monopolize every man she's ever dated! It sounds like she has some growing up to do. If you are happy with this man you should see him. Your cousin will get upset whe she finds out but if you are erious about this guy hopefully she wll get over it. You wll have to tell her yourself eventually. You don't want her to find out from someone else.

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 12:53 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • many would disagree with me, but I think your cousin is being unreasonable, and never understood the rule of 'don't date any guy that I used to date' which is a popular rule for many women.
    If it was a recent breakup and she still feels bad, then I would give her time, but like you said, she's dated many men.
    she doesn't own them.
    but also take into consideration that if you do date him, you could loose her as a friend, whether she is being unreasonable or not.

    If it was me, I'd go ahead and date him because in my case, any relative that has rules like this, is also the relative that you can't please no matter what you do!
    it may be best to come clean to her rather than sneak around.
    I just wouldn't put her on the list of possible bridesmaids if you decide to marry him.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:54 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • If they haven't seen each other in 2 years, then obviously the feelings aren't there any more. So why should she care who he dates? I dont think you are "violating" anything- except her arbitrary rules. She may get upset w/ you if she finds out- but if she does, she's being unreasonable. If it was her exhusb, then maybe I could see her point. You are all grown, consenting adults, so she needs to act like one.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 12:59 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I wouldn't worry about it if you like the guy and he is someone you are enjoying spending time with go for it. He isn't her property and they are over so I don't see what the big deal is.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • That's the craziest "rule" I ever heard. I'd tell her out of respect for her and if she cares about you and your feelings, she'll understand.

    Answer by rosiemendo at 1:39 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • You're in a touch situation! You really have to decide which relationship is more important to you and any implications family wise with causing problems with your cousin. Her rule is ridiculous and self centered, I think! Once you think it through, you need to go with your heart!

    Answer by AlisonAstair at 3:24 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • i understand where she is coming from and if that is how strongly she feels, the mature thing for you to do, is talk to her. let her know that you didnt mean to go against her, but the two of you are a perfect match and enjoy each other. you want to make sure she knows that you two are together, that you love her, and as your cousin you want her to be happy for you. dont worry she will get over and find a new conquest anyway. at least you didnt swoop up her "leftovers" like a week later. you gave it time out of respect for her. that should count for something

    Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 3:32 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

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