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3 Bumps

He doesn't even try anymore... adult content

I know I am not the easiest person when is comes to the big O. For some reason my body just turns off and I get nowhere. But at least my DH used to try and get me there. Now he's just stopped trying. And trying to talk to him about it just makes him angry.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I am tired of "foreplay" being "get the toy." Yeah, sure, the toy works but I am so sick of being dependent on a toy to get me off and I'm sick of him not making any attempts to even get me in the mood. I feel like I am doing all the work for his pleasure and he won't do anything for mine.

I touch him, I explore his body, I give BJs (even though he knows I HATE BJs), I massage... I initiate... but he doesn't reciprocate. I just want him to try and he doesn't anymore. And when I try to talk to him about it... it just starts a fight.

Any advice?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Mar. 16, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • im having the same problem. though it has always been like this, and i have just "sucked it up" and im the one getting the toy. lol. he is understanding though. i used to come easily, but my last relationship really left me intimately insecure. sometimes i can get excited, but lose the feeling. my DF is too aggressive, not that experienced and too pushy. ive been slowly training him and sex was great in the beginning, but when i got pregnant, i dried up like a well and became uninterested. now i want it but im scared. lol. for your hubby, ask him what his fantasy is. start from the beginning. it sound like he is going for routine work here. ask if you can just masturbate together first. that can be your foreplay until he takes the time to love and caress on you. play some steamy games be risky and do it out of the bedroom. bring back the passion by making it fun and sexy. routines are easy to get into, hard to get out of.
    Arretsmomma5

    Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 3:25 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Viagra.
    Crush that shit up and put it in his drink...hahaha

    Ummm, maybe he's stressed? Lost his sex drive for a bit. This also depends on his age.
    Chloesmom1126

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 1:17 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I'm gonna guess he probably feels like he's not adequate and its a sore sport for him. Some men are really sensitive to that kind of thing, its like a way they gauge how good they are in bed and they get discouraged when it seems like they aren't doing well. This leads to him getting defensive when you bring it up because its like throwing it in his face. While we as women may not see it that way, men are weird like that.
    KWnavywife

    Answer by KWnavywife at 1:19 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Viagra would be great for him. Too bad it won't help with his lack of trying. lol

    This has been going on for over a year now, whether he's stressed or not. He's only 37. His sex drive hasn't diminished at all (though there are so many times I wish it would! He's always had a much larger sex drive than I have), it is his lack of trying anything that has stopped. Really, the next time he says "get the toy" as the totality of his foreplay (meaning he has hardly even touched me), I'm going to smack him in the side of the head with it. lol
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:22 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • KW then what am I supposed to do? If I can't show him or tell him things I like, or things to try, without him getting upset, what can I do? I hate going through sex and the crying myself to sleep because there was no intimacy involved. It was all for him and I get nothing. At some point he needs to grow the H up and try, completely neglecting my feelings is only leading me to resent him. I feel like a breathing blow up doll.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:26 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Thanks anon, you're about as helpful as the one I share the bed with. Why don't you go through a year of sex where your husband doesn't touch you except to put it in and see how you feel about it?

    I am not saying to give up the toy but damn, does that have to be all the foreplay I get? Why should I be willing to do things I am personally uncomfortable with doing (read: BJs) because he enjoys them but I do not get the same consideration? Why should it only be about him? Why shouldn't I be able to enjoy sex as well?

    Oh well, I guess as a woman I am just condemned to having to suck it up and let him get his rocks off, even if it means that I give up all intimacy and feelings. That's our lot in life isn't it?

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:34 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Why don't you go through a year of sex where your husband doesn't touch you except to put it in and see how you feel about it?


    OP had you said in the original post what you just said then my response would have been very different. You post sounded to me like you wanted your husband to keep trying to give you a orgasm in ways that had proved not to work.


    You are perfectly justified in wanting more than that, from what you said it sounds like you 2 aren't communicating. assuming that you just want some other kind of foreplay, but don't care if it doesn't result in a orgasm, then do all you can to let him know that. Write him a note, whatever.


    cont
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Sounds like he's given up on the foreplay and it probably won't get any better until you figure out why.


    Why should I be willing to do things I am personally uncomfortable with doing (read: BJs) I am just condemned to having to suck it up and let him get his rocks off You're assuming that he's getting his rocks off. Just because he's ejaculating doesn't mean that he's having a great time.
    cont

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • cont
    he may not be any happier than you are. see if you can get him to open up a little more about what you both want. you say you aren't communicating, please keep trying. if you don't find some way to do so, then you'll both most likely be stuck in the rut.



    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Funny, I am kinda in the same situation. Only he stopped trying because he says every time he asks I say no. Only thing is now I don't feel sexualy attracted to him anymore. Other men seem to be more appealing to me. Go figure that one ladies. Guess I'm loosing my mind. Good luck.
    Jerzymom

    Answer by Jerzymom at 2:27 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

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