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4 Bumps

Why does he always avoid the subject?

I have so many problems right now. I have hypothyroidism and I'm going to the doctor Monday to see if I have endometriosis and/or fibromyalgia and to possibly get the essure procedure done. Everytime I tell my boyfriend that I'm not feeling well, he either always tries to avoid talking about it or keeps coming up with these "what if" questions about our future. He's been really moody the past month or so getting upset with me over every little thing. I just wonder if he doesn't love me anymore or if he's just worried about me and doesn't want to show his feelings. What do you guys think? I told him they don't even know what's wrong with me yet, but it's caused so much negativity in our relationship already.

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proudmom2510

Asked by proudmom2510 at 1:40 PM on Mar. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (13,998 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • It's hard not to get angry when your bf doesn't seem supportive, but it could be that he just doesn't know how to handle the situation. When I'm feeling bad, I make suggestions like, "I'm not feeling well, I need a hug." or encourage talk about it, "I hate that I'm always feeling sick, I'm glad I can talk to you about it." It can be hard to drag out their feelings so that they can be addressed, but keep at it, maybe he's afraid of what the future will be like if you are really sick. Assure him that no matter what happens, you're glad he's by your side and that having him to lean on means so much to you. Another thing that might help is imagine what it would be like if he was the one going through this, and look at it from his point of view. "If you were sick, I'd be really scared but I would..." Good luck to you and hope you get well soon. ;)
    AFairyTaleGirl

    Answer by AFairyTaleGirl at 1:58 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I agree with pp maybe he does not know how to deal with it. Maybe just say to him....hey I am stressed out here trying to figure this out and I know it is overwhelming and I don't expect you to fix it for me, just be there for me to lean on from time to time. Maybe him knowing you are not expecting him to fix it (men are weird that way they think we expect them to fix it or withdrawl if they think they can't fix it, it is a combination of fear and testoterone I think). Let him know being there is all you really need but you need to be able to discuss things to feel better without scary "what if's". Maybe he will come around when he realizes you just need him that is all.
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 2:38 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • i agree with the two pp. he must be scared. you dwelling on your health puts a bubble of sick around you. he could be overwhelmed by it. try to clear your mind of unhealthy thought. taking up yoga, and meditation. see a reiki healer. if your mind is well your body will follow. i hope you feel better soon and get that love and support you need.
    Arretsmomma5

    Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 3:06 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Ahhhhhh! I have a few friends with chronic illness, and they have this same issue with their husbands. It is almost like the husband resents them for not being the 100% energetic female that they mated with long ago . . . . It actually happens in reverse when it is the man who is ill. The healthy spouse gets scared about all that responsibility, and starts to resent.
    The best thing that you could do is let your boyfriend know that you don't "intend" to stay ill. You promise him that you will do everything you can to maintain your energy and "fight" the condition. SOmetimes, they just need to know you are on the same page . . because they worry about you sinking into a deep, dark abyss and leaving them stranded.
    It is like when a husband is out of work. If we see them hustling and turning in applications, we don't get resentful. If we see them sleeping all day and falling into a "woe is me", we do.
    It isn't right, th
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:16 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

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