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Upset at my husband and dont know how to talk to him...

well let me make it a short story... this past weekend my husband had to work, saturday and sunday. well saturday I did not pack him lunch, he went out to eat at mambos cause it was close to where he was working at. well i checked our account online and his bill to the resturant was 60.60 so i asked him how much did he tip, he said he left tip in cash, so turns out the waitress added a 15 dollar tip herself, anyways i asked him to give me the date, time and what all was ordered, and he ordered beer, I was upset b/c it was during working hours, and also b/c Im 8 months prego and he has no papers, so Im always afraid of him getting stopped and getting deported. well lastnight I come to find out through a text his uncle sent him that same saturday that "the lady called the owner and told him they were drinking on the roof, to be careful" my husband is a house framer, and I was really upset to read this, cause not only is he drinking on the job, but putting his life at risk, being so high... and again he is driving while being under the influence. I still am really upset, and I confromted him about it and he tried lying to me about it... Im so upset, crying still does nothing for me, How can I get him to understand how dangerous it is for other innocent people, and him.... I feel like he does not care about us, otherwise he would be more responsible... How can I approach him tonight about it?

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Kandis20

Asked by Kandis20 at 3:08 PM on Mar. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (57 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I would kill my hub if he was ever THAT inconsiderate towards me, the baby and others. I woulnd't let that slide at all, I would be furious.
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 3:11 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • well what i normally do is wait awhile until i calm down and than i will just ask him a question anything random like have you seen the remote, or did you see my make-up brush and once i see that he's calm i will just sit down and ask him can i talk to him.
    ryahzMommy

    Answer by ryahzMommy at 3:14 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • i tried talking to him lastnight, he was in the shower and told me he did not want to talk cause thats his alone/ relaxing time... :/ which the work he does is hard, so i stepped out and waited for him to approach me but he never did... I even lost sleep over it cause I was so upset. dont get me wrong, everything is fine in our relationship, we get along so good, he is an awesome dad... this would be like our first biggest agruement.... Im just scared of him getting pulled over and deported for intoxication even if he just had one or two... i tell him drink all you want at home, not when you know your going to drive... I dont know how to get him to understand....and I need to get it off my chest cause thats how much its bothering me....
    Kandis20

    Comment by Kandis20 (original poster) at 3:20 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I would put it like this..Do you want to lose your family? Bc if you continue to make decisions like this you will..AND I would tell him if you are important to him he would be more responsible. This is totally inconsiderate behavior, don't lose sleep over his actions! Tell him how you feel then let it be done. If anything like this comes up again I would say this is grounds to leave him bc he is not putting his family first! Good luck

    Kelly2573

    Answer by Kelly2573 at 3:31 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • He needs to understand that driving while intoxicated puts him at risk of becoming a KILLER. The drunks never die in these accidents, the innocents involved in them do.

    In your shoes, I'd be getting my ducks in a row to manage on my own. If he continues to be stupid he will be deported at best, in prison at worst.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:37 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • So, he's illegal and driving while drunk and may possibly kill somebody by doing so and drinking on a roof. I have this horrible feeling that he won't learn his lesson until he either gets busted, arrested or hurts himself or somebody else. He may not even wake up then.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 4:12 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • he's an alcoholic and talking doesn't work. you have very little if few options here in helping chnage. first he has to have a reason to quit so you have to think of what you can take away that will help realize that this drinking behavoir is unacceptable. what i would do is kick him out until i see he was sober and attending aa, therapy or both. otheriwse you just accept him for who he is and continue to live your life as it always has been with him.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:43 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • No he is not an AA, this is the first time that he has done that, he ocasionally had one or two every so often... I just dont know why he made the stupid choice of drinking that day... and Im not saying he was drunk out of his mind, no he had like 3 beers, but still I did not like that fact... I dont care if its a sip or two, you still should not be driving... I am a mother of one and one on the way, and i cant tolerate drunk drivers or reckless ones, so I am not tolertaing it at home... which is why I have been so upset... I lost an uncle due to a drunk driver... I just care for my husband and dont want this behavior to repeat itself.
    Kandis20

    Comment by Kandis20 (original poster) at 4:50 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I'd see what you can do to convince him, but if his behavior doesn't change then I would consider turning him in. I know you don't want to, but if you don't and he kills someone drinking and driving that is another issue all together.

    If he drinks and drives then gets into a accident, can you be held responsible as well since you knew about it? they are getting pretty tough about that now.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 4:55 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • i'd show him videos, pics, etc. of people losing their lives b/c of alcohol-related incidents-- at work, driving, etc... add an infant baby in there too and i hope he sees the damage he could've caused. show him what drunk driving is about-- he could've died, or killed someone else... or if you were driving at the same time, him crash into you, perhaps killing you and the baby1 its a world of possibilities!
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 5:17 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

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