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8 Bumps

So sad:(

I have been married for 8 years and we have a 6 and 8 year old together. I am so sad we bought a house 3 years ago and now filed for bankruptcy and have to be out of our house by the end of may which has taken such a toll on me:( it doesnt seem to bother my dh not like me we found a house but it is so small we will be going from a 4 to a 3 bdrm house from 1 full and two half baths to 1 full bad and the bdrms and everything are smaller.If anyone has been through this how do you pick up and move on? I know i have to but how? All my family lives in mo. I live in pa. and i miss them dearly i am so torn i want to move home with my kids but i knowi cant w/out a fight with my hubby the kids are our lifes.it would be easier if my hubby would understand me and didnt go out every mon.wed and one weekend to play pool andcome home anywhere from midnight- 3 a.m. i can't deal w it anymore......and i being dumb? I told him and he says that he is not gonna change but i can't see taking the kids away from him and moving and a tiny bit of me can't let go!!! Please i willtake all the advice i can get!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:06 PM on Mar. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Honey, you are not alone. So many other families are going through this cause of the horrible economy. We lost our house a few years back to foreclosure. It ruined our relationship and I ended up leaving (had no kids then, though). No matter what you decide, stay or leave, it will be a rough road for quiet awhile. God bless you. It's one road I never want to experience again. PM me if you need someone to talk to.
    texasgurl33

    Answer by texasgurl33 at 7:12 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Wow. What it worse, the losing your house or your husband's attitude. My husband and I filed bankruptcy like 18 years ago. It was a great clean start for us. You have to think positive, you won't have collectors hounding you for money you don't have. It will be an adjustment to downsize, but it will just become your everyday life and it will work out. As far as your hubby, he needs to grow up a bit. You are in this together and his going out 3 nights a week is pretty immature, considering you just had to file bankruptcy. Only you will know when it is time to make changes for yourself and move on. I would feel like you and not want to break up my family, but if he doesn't make some changes, in time it will be easier to know what you need to do. Be there for your kids. Listen to your heart. If you are a believer, pray pray pray and I will pray for you. Best of luck to you!
    WonderingHeart

    Answer by WonderingHeart at 7:17 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • you are not alone. hubby lost his job we lost our house and currently are living with relatives until we can get more on our feet, hubby could not find a job for almost a year. We are trying to save for a car to because my engine blew up right before my birthday in December. and we also want to get a place closer to kids school instead of his job. because he works in a high crime area and their is gangs etc there, so we want our kids safe. it is going to take a little while. imagine going from a household of 4 and a dog. to a household of 7. yikes. and my dog cannot be inside. but we do have her in a warm place and we get to go out and play with her and tend to her needs. hubby and i came close to seperation because it was such a strain on our marriage. but we are doing better now. I just cannot wait until we can get in our own place again.
    WildCat73

    Answer by WildCat73 at 7:19 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Financial stress is one of the biggest marriage-breakers that exists. Expect that your relationship may have a lot of tension right now, but don't make any permanant decisions until things have settled.

    You and your family have a whole lifetime to rebuild, and you will. Just keep your eye on the goal, and you will overcome this pitstop.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 7:20 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • it doesnt bother your dh because he is selfish and only cares about himself. My ex was the same way. your dh is obviously not ready to let go of his friends and nightlife...this is probably the reason why you lost your home to begin with. I say..you should take your kids and go get help from your family. tell your dh when he is ready to leave behind those goons and join his family to start your life over that you and the kids will be there waiting.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:22 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • You guys are amazing.....I don't know any of you but i love you!! You guys are so smart :)And yes i will take all the prayers i can get so i figure this out i have gone back and fourth on my decision for quite sometime now.It makes it harder knowing he wont change because he told me that!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:28 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I am so sorry. You're faced with a difficult challenge ahead of you. This may be bothering your husband as much as you, but he's handling it differently than you. Not a good answer, I know. Hang in there, give it a try. It may actually make your relationship stronger in the long run. I'm older than you. Back in the 1978,( The Reagan years, almost as bad as now) we bought our home. A week after closing, my husband lost his job for 2 years. We were young with 3 children. Almost lost our home, but our parents helped.
    Try to get through day to day, maybe it will get better. I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck honey.
    Rnurse

    Answer by Rnurse at 7:28 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Just remember that there are people who have less than you. There are people who do not have homes and have to move to homeless shelters. There are people who lose their families. Remember that you were lucky enough to find a house period. Now, go make that house a home. Plant flowers, paint it. Put up wallpaper if you want. Hang pictures.  This is now your home.  And remember, the economy is picking up.  Hopefully you will be able to move into a bigger home later on. 


    Also, my DH keeps reminding me that we will eventually be on our own.  Our kids will move out, eventually.  We don't want to be stuck in a big house all alone. 

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 9:32 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • You spouse is not behaving like someone who thinks that his children are his world.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:44 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I can so relate to you on so many levels. I'm in a situation where we have been having financial difficulties (debt) that continue to get worse as each year goes by. We've been married 22 years and now have one in college and two in high school. I've looked everywhere for answers and I'm to the point where I realize no one can help me through this but myself. After searching and searching, I finally found a group in my area called, Debtors Anonymous. (There's a website called, Debtors anonymous.org). My husband got so bad he would stay in the living room sleeping with the t.v. on 'til 4 a.m. Now he doesn't bother to come to bed anymore. Mine said he's not going to change either, that it's the way he is. There's more to my messed up story, but I just wanted to give you the basics so you know you're not the only one in this boat. HUGS to you. Feel free to get a hold of me if you would like to talk. Keep your chin up.
    zboys

    Answer by zboys at 11:58 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

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