Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Have a 10 year old daughter who has no respect for her father.

She has been raised by her (step-father) since age 1-1/2, and until about a year ago had a very good, loving relationship. It is not "our secret" that she's not been told that my husband is not her bio. father, I figured it would come up sooner or later on it's own. But now I am almost afraid to tell her this information - as things between him and her are not good. Is it just hormones starting?? Help in St. Paul, MN, please.

Answer Question
 
pleasantmom1000

Asked by pleasantmom1000 at 7:30 PM on Mar. 16, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (51 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • maybe it is the hormones kicking in, she is at that age. i was very sassy at 10. why haven't you guys told her he is not her bio dad? keeping this info from her was selfish, if you think she has an attitude now, wait till she finds out the truth, she might get very angry and resentful at both of you.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 7:50 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • You know what - it really isn't a selfish matter, its circumstance. I was married previously. I was 20 years younger then my X. He had a daugther that was just 6 years younger then I. She was also the product of these same circumstances. She and her father were so close you couldn't get a sheet of paper between them - they still are that close (she is now 43). Her cousin was the person who told her about her dad not being her bio father, she was 17, it broke her heart. She asked the entire family to please never tell her father, my X that she knew. So you see, there are so many different reasons we do the things we do. If I had all the answers I certainly wouldnt be here writing - I'd have authored a book. And, I'm still wondering about her disrespect.....but thanks for your comment
    pleasantmom1000

    Comment by pleasantmom1000 (original poster) at 8:01 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • sure, it may come out on it's own. someone else besides you may tell her, and that's really bad. or in the case of my cousin, it may not come out until she's about 30 years old.

    but to answer your question, it could be hormones. I was about that age when I started menstruating.

    but on a unpleasant note, have you considered that maybe her dad is mistreated her in some way? My mom used to come down on me for not respecting my dad, I started acting that way when I realized that it was not my issues that made me angry with him for giving me back rubs I didn't want, commenting all the time on how busty I was getting, or to be rubbing by rear end and telling me how nice it was.
    that's pretty much as far as it went by my memory, but there may be issues between daughter and dad that you may not be taking seriously or thinking of.
    can she see a counselor? could help.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:02 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • It could be hormones, I never had a good relationship with my father so I don't know that I'd have any good advice. One thing I'd wonder is what happened between them to make her so angry, I don't think she woke up one day and decide to be disrespectful. Maybe he was too easy going on her, and is now trying to enforce some new rules as she's getting older? Maybe they had a disagreement and she just isn't over it? Maybe he said something that upset her or hurt her feelings? I always believe there has to be a cause to create the effect. Is it possible that someone already told her he's not her bio-dad and she's taking it out on him? I'd try to talk to her or have your husband talk to her to see if you can find the root cause to fix the issue.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 9:00 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • could be her age.


    But in all honesty this is going to rip through her when she finds out... specially if she gets back on track. I would suggest going to a VERY good therapist (just you) and talk over different ways to let her know in the most loving way. BUT not when she is acting up... it will only fuel the fire. But I think the sooner the better... but with some guidance.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • do u think she has been told by someone that knows ?
    frances693

    Answer by frances693 at 1:15 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN