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Do any of you ladies feel like your SO/DH has stopped showing affection, or got to comfortable?

Ok, I;ve been with my DH for 4 almost 5 years, and married for almost 2. We have a 2 year old together. Now, not saying that things are boring or anything, because I know he loves me and we enjoy each others company and dont like to be without each other, BUT for almost 3 years I have been tryin to get my DH to show affection to me. When I ask him why he doesn't, he says because it "got old". He doesn't kiss me (only when we or he wants some), doesn't say he loves me. (He says it shouldn't matter who says it, even though when I do say it, I get a "I bet you do", "uh huh" , or no answer at all). Now, he's not a bad person. He's hilarious, caring, and a great dad, and hard worker. Loves and provides for us, but I feel he thinks that's enough. I was raised with a different view of marriage than he was. My dad and mom, always hugged, and tried there best to respect each other, and did things for each other out of love.
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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Nov. 24, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • OMG! We have been together 2 years and I felt the same. I thought about leaving when another man started being very nice and giving me extra attention. Its not worth it. Say something. Let him know how you feel. My SO has completely turned around. He never knew how strange he was acting or how unimportant I felt. If he understands how insignificant or worthless the treatment makes you feel he will most likely feel guilty and fix it.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 3:41 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • He was raised in a single parent home, his mom married his step dad when he was around 6 or 7, BUT him and his sister couldn't stand him and they ended up divorcing because of infidelity, so she was a single mother again. So I contribute that to being why he acts the way he does with marriage. BUT I've told him 1000's of itmes, that the types of person I am, I like to be told, I love you, and just want him to show me that he loves me. He thinks his way of showing is sex. It makes me so mad and I've cried alot.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • lol sounds like my husband. He was raised in a family that didnt really show alot of affection and i was raised in a home where affection was a daily thing. I love my husband he is a awsome person, funny, caring hard working but lacks the affection. Iv tried to change it but it doesnt work. I dont know what to tell you to do lol but find a way to just deal i guess.
    Mommy2B04

    Answer by Mommy2B04 at 3:43 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • cont....
    He doesn't like to go to dinner. He only likes to go to the movies, and it has to be something HE wants to watch or he wont go see it. The whole time we've been together, probably about 4 or 5 movies, I've seen with him, I DIDN"T CARE FOR and have otld him, but watch it. I sit and watch football even tho, I could care less for it. But he will not step into a movie I want to see, or do anything that I primarily want to do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • He recently gave me 300 dollars for helping him with his classes for the past year, and sd he expects that to cover all the thigns he's done to me. Now I'm not "allowed" to complain, because then the money thing comes back up. I've told him TIME AND TIME again, MONEY DOESN"T MATTER. I have talked to him about how I feel. He thinks I'm being to sensitive, or overexaggerating, nothing is his fault, and this that and the third.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • He wont go and talk to our pastor, or a couselor, and when we talk with his family, usually its my fault things are happening. I dont like to talk with him about it, because he gets defensive, then starts talking about my mothering and wifely skills, and then we get into a fight, and then I'm the crazy one because i fight hard...lol...I just dont know what to do. We are on good terms right now, and I love him and know he loves me. I'm just running out of options to at least make him fricken give me a hug every blue moon....lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Girl, you have no idea....my jaw just dropped. Me and my husband have been in a constant fight for about a week now b/c of the exact thing you said. Every single sentence. Every single word. It's exactly like what we are going thru. It's crazy! If you ever need to talk, you can PM me or something.
    Amanda52007

    Answer by Amanda52007 at 5:31 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • That was one of the complaints (among other things) from my boyfriend's ex wife who left him for a friend of the family. But he said she pressured him and it was hard for him because it felt fake like he was doing it because she pressured him so much. But with me - my knowing this about him that he might have a hard time being affectionate - I've mostly made the moves of affection with him. And now after 2 years, he is very affectionate with me. I never pressure him. I just reach out and hold his hand, hug him, kiss him when I feel like it. And he's even told me he's way more affectionate than he's ever been now that he's with me. He feels totally different now. However, I also think that (in part) after she left him - he's changed his ways so he won't lose me too.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 6:46 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

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