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My daughter NOW doesn't like to go to my boyfriends house???

I have been separated from my daughters' father since May of last year. I was pregnant, a mother, and single and all alone all at the same time. I met a WONDERFUL guy, that befriended me, and we are now in a fantastic relationship. I know some people may think that this guy became my friend because he could see that i was vulnerable.. But it was the opposite. I had no intention on dating, or even talking to anyone. He just came along, and i am so glad he did. Anyway, he is great with BOTH of my kids, and my oldest use to LOVE to go over there all the time and play with his 2 kids, and stay the night and all..... Kaley (my oldest) usually sleeps with me, but when we go over there and stay, that is obviously not the case. So she throws fits about that sometimes. Now it has come to the point that she doesnt want to go over there at all anymore, even to play for a while. But with our work schedules, its best for me to stay the night, so when the kids go to bed we can spend time together as adults. Kaley is not having this though. I want this relationship to work, and i dont think that it will if she continues to throw these fits. We were supposed to go there tonight, and we did not because she threw a huge fit and that was that. I cannot let her dictate what i do as an adult, but i want her to be comfortable as well.... What can i do?

Answer Question
 
clariturner

Asked by clariturner at 8:19 PM on Mar. 16, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 3 (18 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • your child should come before your wants imho. have you tried asking her why she no longer wants to go there?
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 8:26 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • I might back off from night visits. Start with small playdates at his house. Talk to her about what is bothering her . . .

    Unfortunately, once kids are involved, the whole dating process becomes a family event . . . if your new boyfriend loves you, he will understand and wait.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 8:35 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Well I don't know how old she is but maybe it is time for her to sleep in her own bed even when she is at home.
    Autumn07

    Answer by Autumn07 at 8:37 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Maybe something that you don't know about happened when she was there that has made her not want to go. I would put my child and her needs before a man any day or time. You are a mother first.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 8:39 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Is it just the sleeping part that is bothering her? if so i would start getting her to sleep in her own bed at home...
    Talk & make sure there is not anything else bothering her & make sure she is getting plenty of "mommy & me" time..
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 8:45 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • Thank you all.. I want to clarify though... i am definitely a mother FIRST... There is no question there. Its just this issue all of a sudden. She is 4 and should be sleeping in her own bed. That is my fault, i do have to admit. My children will always come first, i just dont know when to say I AM THE MOTHER, AND THIS IS WHAT WERE DOING> My bf is great to her, and she loves him. We together, and I alone, have tried to talk to her to see what the issue is, and she just keeps saying that she doesnt like to sleep there because she wants to sleep with us... Which obviously will never happen.
    clariturner

    Comment by clariturner (original poster) at 8:55 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • If the issue is just the sleeping, then I would slowly work to get her into her own bed at home before you bring up sleeping at the boyfriend's house again.
    Kids look at things in a funny way. She may see that you and your ex used to share a room. Now, he's out. She shares a room with you . . .is she next? Are you going to abandon HER? You are trying to throw her out of the bed now, will you leave her?
    Take time. Keep on reminding her that you will ALWAYS be her mommy and you will ALWAYS stay with her . . .
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 9:02 PM on Mar. 16, 2011

  • ask her why she doesn't want to go there anymore there may be something that she isn't telling you
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 7:56 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • Well, if the issues is just the sleeping part, then as the parent, you need to start implementing rules of sleeping. Obviously she cannot sleep with you and your bf so why can't he come to your house until your child is comfortable in sleeping alone? As parents we often times have to make sacrafices for our children and I think this is one of the times that you need to sacrafice for your child. It isn't her fault that she's use to sleeping with you so instead of punishing her for what you've allowed, bend for her to make it better for her.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:15 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I think it's pretty obvious that she wants more time with you. I'm assuming that you work since you're single, so if you're going over to your bf's at night, that leaves very little time with you for your daughter. I would cool things with the bf and make sure she has what she needs right now.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:22 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

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