• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

What do I do when my step kids cant see and talk to there birth mom?

We cant even say her name in the house or mention to them that she called to say she loves them. See my husbands ex has a drug problem. When my ex was with her he did to. So his mother had custody of the boys. She still does on paper. But now both his sons live with us full time and have now for a year. The ex is still on drugs and no one can find her most of the time. The kids are hurting cuz they cant have any contact. I believe that she shouldnt have visitation unless shes clean and then it should be supervised at our home. But I also believe that when she does call the children should be able to talk to her. And at the least we should be able to tell them she called and said she loves him. Ive talked to my husband about it alot and he agrees BUT his mother who still has temporary custody on paper says shel take the boys away from us if we mention her name, let them talk to her or see her at our house regardless of if shes clean or not. WHAT DO I DO?

Answer Question

Asked by momof5boys28 at 10:57 AM on Mar. 17, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • File for custody. It's not healthy to not address the circumstances of their mother.

    Answer by CraftingMama at 10:58 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I told my husband we need to do that but he doesnt want to upset his mother because there just rebuilding the relationship. The kids are hurting though and i think they need some contact with there mom!

    Comment by momof5boys28 (original poster) at 11:01 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • Yeah, they at least need to know about her even if they cannot see her. If she is an addict, a relationship with her might not be healthy for them. But pretending that she does not exist is not healthy either.

    Answer by CraftingMama at 11:02 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • Wow! that is messed up, i understand she has a problem but she is still thier Mom and those kids are gonna grow up thinking that she doesn't love them, i think your MIL is causing more harm to the kids by doing this. Are you guys getting custody of the kids? I don't understand why she can't talk to them or have supervised visitation. I would try to get the custody switched over to you both, they are his kids. and he doesn't have a problem anymore. You might want to talk to a lawyer. Good luck to you.

    Answer by jenn4443 at 11:02 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I agree with craftingmama you need to get custody ... you are right it isn't healthy for the kids

    Answer by pammomof9 at 11:03 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I agree with craftingmama and get custody. I understand that your husband and his mom are trying to bridge the gap to whatever happened between them but kids always come first!! They are hurting and if their is anything that you guys can do then it should be done.

    Answer by jnb71584 at 11:09 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • Honestly, IMO, they don't need contact with her. My husband's ex is a drug addict and she will pop up every so often...be a mother for a while, then she'll be gone for the next 6 months leaving my step-daughters to wonder where she is and if she is ok. It's a terrible situation. They are usually left feeling worse than they did when there was no contact. It's a very, very hard situation to deal with. I try to fill in the gap as much as I can and let them know that they are loved and cared for. Just be there for them and be the best mother figure that you can be. When they're older, they will understand and you can explain to them the full situation.


    Answer by KennsWifey at 11:12 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • File for custody.

    He needs to put the BOYS first not his mother. I understand not wanting to rock the boat but these are his CHILDREN.

    If they have been in YOUR house for over a year, he is clean, your finances are stable, not rich but STABLE, and your household is stable you have MORE than enough grounds for custody.

    If his mother has allowed them to be there she has very little grounds. Why does his mother want custody anyways if shes not taking care of them

    As for their mother....be careful...my sister is a recovering drug addict....just when you think things are fine is when they will relasp. Absolutley include her in conversations and maybe have some phone calls but hold HIGH exectations for her in order to protect your boys.

    Answer by miasmommy21407 at 11:13 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • Nobody needs contact with a druggie!!!! Play by the rules,it is not your decision!

    Answer by dancer at 11:15 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • FILE FOR CUSTODY NOW!!! Those kids have every right to know that their mother is calling and telling them that she loves them. How horrible that grandma doesn't allow that. Mom may have a drug problem, but atleast she is lucid enough to call and tell her kids that she loves them. Hopefully that love will help her get help for her disease. Yes, drug addiction is a disease and extremely difficult to overcome.

    Please, file for emergency custody NOW and show that those boys have been living with their father and you for the last year.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:10 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.