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BF issues

When is too much too much? I don't have anyone to talk to about the issues. Not even a counselor because in my region we actually have to pay $150 an hour or more for counseling and that's not possible for me to pay.

He nit picks at me. I have a few extra pounds (like 20 lbs). If you saw me you'd say I'm not "fat" I do have meat on my bones.

He constantly checks the toilet rim to see if there's any peee on it. My house is clean. I'n not going to stand by the toilet 24/7 with a rag to clean it every time someone uses the bathroom.

I have a few small scars. He picks at that.

I'm not working out of the home (yet) as I'm trying to promote products online as an affiliate.

He does not live with me. We see each other on weekends. He lives a little over an hour from me. We have talked about getting a place together but in the back of my mind I'm thinking it's not a good idea.

There's been problems with my son. He's 13 and got in trouble in school last week. He got suspended. Then since he was suspended my son went to his Dad's a few days early instead of waiting until when march break started. I didn't have a problem with DS going early.

The problem is with DS's father, his father's gf, and the grandparents saying things to DS to try and coax him to moving there with them. During the 8 days DS was at his dad's they said things to him to make him scared of me. (I did not ask my son anything about what went on down there. DS told me on his own) They want him to live with them. DS told me he was promised a nintendo DS, a cell phone, ps2 if he lives with them. That is bribery and is wrong.

My bf now has "thoughts popping up in his head" as to whether or not he even wants to be with me.

BF has his own set of problems with divorce, his 18 year old getting in trouble with the law, bf has huge debt, lives with his parents free of charge at the age of 47. So, what should he have to say about my issues?

This morning bf said he thought he heard my son in the shower. BF said "wonder why he's in the shower? He never got up and had a shower on his own before, he must have been "pleasuring himself and got sticky"

I couldn't believe bf said that! I said if my son wants to pleasure himself he can and it's none of bf's business. I asked bf why he made those comments and he said "oh it's not important anyway."

Well, it turned out my son wasn't even in the shower. He was in the living room. Sheesh.

In past relationships I broke up with men like this. This time I thought that instead of dumping him that I will speak my mind and try to work problems out.

Maybe I'm doing the wrong thing? I really wish I had someone to talk to.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Mar. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • I'd dump that bf for any number of the reasons you listed; he is abusive. Your son is at the age to make his own choice as to where he wants to live.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:32 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I think you should move on. I agree that no one is perfect but just too many issues, don't settle!! You deserve a partner who can really be there for you and support you not nit pick at you!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:35 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • Sounds like he has alot of issues. I think your doing the right thing by confrounting him and talking through the problems instead of just leaving the relationship or putting the problems in a backseat in your mind intill they blow up. one thing that you should think about is, if he is in anyway intrested in children, like a child molester that should be a reason to end it immediatly, he should not be talking about a 13yr old boy like that.
    fun3oo

    Answer by fun3oo at 11:36 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I think you should consider talking tothe biological dad about the things that he said to your son also
    fun3oo

    Answer by fun3oo at 11:37 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • That one would be history with me. My EX was that way. 25+ yrs of marriage to that abusive crap was more than enough time to learn that type of person just DOESN'T change. My EX is still that way & and he's 51.
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 11:37 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I'm kick him to the curb, hunny! Women have enough natural self-esteem issues, we don't need men in our lives to make them worse =[ Good luck
    jspenny2705

    Answer by jspenny2705 at 11:42 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • Personally, I wouldn't try and work on it. He seems like a control freak and his comments are rude. He shouldn't be standing over you like a parent, trying to make sure you do what he thinks you're supposed to do. Kick his sorry butt to the curb and find a man that wants to take care of you and make you happy. You deserve that.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 11:48 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • At the age of 12 a child can state his opinion of where he wants to live, yes. When there is a court order in place, if the parents cannot come to an agreement, it is up to a judge. A judge will make a decision based on a number of factors. There are a lot of things going on now, and things that have been going on since my x and I split up in 1999. All of those things will be looked at.

    My son has been coaxed, bribed. I don't need to get into the details of everything. Point is, they are doing wrong.

    My bf has 2 teens of his own. He does like children. It has crossed my mind as to whether or not he is a pervert? The other thing about my bf is that he likes animal/farm porn. I saw him checking email from farm sex sites. He talks often of horses, goes on kijiji.ca looking at ads for horses. If I find out he is a pervert then I will be done with him for sure.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:51 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • WOW. You BF saying that about your son is creepy. On the other hand he is a man, although a man that shouldn't discuss what a young man does in the shower. Everyone has scars and most of us have extra pounds. Have you told him it bothers you? Does he flatter you as well? BF sounds like he has issues or may be depressed. Don't let him take it out on you or your son. If he's talking about breaking up there could be many reasons. Only you can identify them. Is he fishing for an ego boost at your expense? I know your feeling lonely but is he really good company? Your son loves you and if he decides to move in with them he doesn't love you any less. My guess is he'll do what my daughter did at that age and move in with papa for a year. Then she came home. Have you thought about you and your son taking a mini vacation? God bless
    CHarlan

    Answer by CHarlan at 11:53 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • He has my car in his garage doing some body work on it for inspection. He has all the wheels off, bumper off. Otherwise I'd go get it. So, if I dump his ass I better wait until I get my car back first!

    About the farm porn... I haven't dared to ask him about it. He does talk about horses alot though.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:56 AM on Mar. 17, 2011

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