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Do you visit your parents on their wedding anniversary? (kind of a vent)

First let me start by saying that my mom can get very jealous, selfish and crazy. lol This Easter falls on my parents anniversary this year. Every Easter we go to my inlaws after church for lunch and they have an Easter egg hunt for the kids. We have done this since we have married. What has changed about the day is we used to go to church with parents and now (for the last two years, this will be the third Easter) we go to the same church as my inlaws. We don't see my parents on Easter. Now that their anniversary is on that day, she keeps mentioning it, like it gives us reason to go to their house. In my mind she should be having fun with my dad that day. I know it is just a reason to get us away from the inlaws. She wants to see all the kids in their "cute church outfits and in a good mood, not cranky after a long day at their other grandparent's house". And she is talking about ALL her grandkids. My brothers also go to their inlaws that day. So I bet they are hearing it as well. The comments she makes and how she talks about it really just make me not want to see her at all that day. She starts comparing every holiday and how we see my inlaws more. Which we do see them more in everyday life but we really try to make the holidays equal. If she would've said "I know you go to you inlaws for lunch and the egg hunt that day but I was wondering if every could get together with your dad and I for dinner since it is our anniversary" I would gladly oblige. I guess this is a vent more than anything. My mom and I really don't click and only get along because I ignore half of what she says. Anyway, if you read this all, thanks. Any advice in this situation? Or anything I should say because I know that most likely we will cut our day short at my inlaws just so I don't feel guilty about not seeing my parents and then everyone (dh, the kids and even me) will be grumpy the rest of the day. Ugh.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Mar. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • No, I don't see my parents on their anniversary - that's THEIR day! We try to alternate holidays back and forth, but neither my parents or my inlaws guilt us into anything. I'm sorry you have to deal with that!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:53 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • 1) I have never felt the need to visit my parents on their wedding anniversary. HOWEVER, we did make sure to be with my inlaws on their 50th wedding anniversary... and i will do the same for my parents on their 50th.


     2) why not just invite your parents to go to church with you that day.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • no we dont do anything for my parents anniversaries unless its a significant number. more like birthdays and mothers and fathers day. i was lucky when i was married i didnt celebrate any holidays with the ex's family because they didn't celebrate any. not that i celebrate easter.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 2:59 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I dont get to see mine on their anniversary and wish I could! I live 8 hrs from them and Im lucky to see them twice a year. I remember a couple years ago my mom was really what I felt pushy about us coming to visit, and I felt like you did. I got a call from my dad and was told theyd found cancer cells in my moms breasts and she was having a biopsy done and didnt want me to know. I know parents can be pushy and mine can be since we live a mile from my inlaws, but dont take them for granted. You never know when you might not know whats going on.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:00 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • Annon - they can't come to church with us because my dad is a pastor. That is a whole other story about us leaving, not just the church they attend but his church. And we didn't end up at my inlaws church on purpose, that was the last church we tried when looking for a new one.

    gemgem - hope you mom is doing well. My mom is just pushy all the time. She knows exactly what to say to me to make me feel guilty.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:14 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I can honestly say in 13 years, that we have never had an argument about where to go for what. First, we don't have families that bark at us when we are already scheduled to do one thing...it is "oh, if you can't, you can't". Second, between the two of us, we can usually figure out how to balance our time to see both.

    I have seen almost all of my friends either "hear about it" from their families or disagree with their DH/SO/LPs that it drives me bonkers.

    Sorry that your parents are being a bit obnoxious about it. I would just try to find a way to balance both that day.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 3:27 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • No, I never see my parents on their anniversary, nor do they see me on mine. It's a day to spend with your spouse, not your parents or grown children. We also go every year for every holiday to my inlaws (not because I want to) and this year we will be getting home from vacation the day before. My MIL is throwing a fit because I don't want to go to her house for the holiday, but honestly, I woudl rather stay home and do laundry then spend the day with her. With your mom I would offer to set up a family dinner for the following weekend at her house, so she can spend the day with your dad (and put it to her like that so it seems like you are doing her a favor) and she will still get to see all of the grandkids. If she wants, do an Easter themed dinner, or if she doesn't want to do the weekend after, let her have the weekend before.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 3:43 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • my parents live in town so we see them a lot, but we've never made a special visit just for their anniversary. i would think if your kids have to miss the Easter egg hunt they are gonna be even more cranky than if you go by that evening.

    i agree w/ scout_mom that you should offer to spend another Sunday w/ them but word it in a "you & dad should spend this wonderful day alone together" kinda way. and invite your brothers & their families too. but if your mom's a real good guilt-tripper im sure she can find a way out of it. good luck!
    okmanders

    Answer by okmanders at 4:43 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • You should go see your parents more often too. Maybe your mom just feels left out & yes she has a right to be a little jealous if she feels like she don't get to see you & the grandkids as much as his parents do. You said EVERY Easter you go to your inlaws, why do you not ever go to your mom's on Easter first, so she can see the grandkids before they are tired and worn out from being at the other grandparent's house all day? And what about the other Holidays? do you always put your inlaws first for the rest of the Holidays? I bet your mom feels bad if you do. Go see your mom more often so she won't feel bad or feel left out, and just be glad that you have a mom that is interested in you & the grandkids. Sounds like you are the one being selfish and immature here!
    Honda309

    Answer by Honda309 at 5:12 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • well my parents divorced like 2 yrs after I was born, so no I don't celebrate their anniversarry, it would have been Valentines day 29 yrs if they had stayed together. But it might be her having a little jealousy issues about you never going to her house so I would just humor her, do your egg hunt and luncheon with your inlaws and dinner with your mom and dad
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 5:07 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

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