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2 Bumps

I have an 8 yr old son and my fiance` is 47 and he is very good with my son until it comes to discipline, he gets so mad he have to walk away which is a good thing but as a mom I want to know what should I do so the situation do get worse.

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lovely111

Asked by lovely111 at 4:08 PM on Mar. 17, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • You should get away from this man now. There will come a day when he won't walk away, and then it will be too late for you to do anything.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:09 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • Talk about discipline with him. Let him know that your policy is zero tolerance for any physical discipline, including spanking. If he raises a hand, you should leave because your son is more important.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 4:10 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • Have you tried talking to him about this? If you do than maybe you can get a feel on the situation especially before you are married
    momoftaterbug

    Answer by momoftaterbug at 4:13 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I guess I would question getting married to a man who gets THIS mad about something your child is doing.. or don't leave it up to him at ALL to discipline your child.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:21 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I would work on trying to help him understand two things: realistic expectation of how an 8 year old should act, and an understanding of how your son will be shaped and molded by the way that his step-father treats him. If your fiance has never parented before then he may not have a good grasp on what you can expect from an 8 year old boy. The child will not be quiet, he will be energetic and boisterous, he will not be cautious but rather reckless and rowdy. If your fiance expects the child to act like he is older than his real age he will constantly end up frustrated or angry with the child. Secondly, I think it's important to realize the impact that anger and yelling have on a child. As parents we want to build self esteem, not crush it, we want to foster independence, not make children scared to breathe in their own home. Of course if he ever hits your child you need to get out, or if he can not control his temper. GL!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:23 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I would talk to him about it ..to see where he stands with his idea of disciplining. My son was 7 when my cuurent dh and I met.Before we even moved in together, we discussed how we felt about child raising and all that. Its very important for you both to be on the same page. It is a good thing that he has enough control to walk away. If you don't want him physically disciplining your child in the future...I would talk to him about this now before you get married. Good Luck.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 4:25 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I grew up with a step father who was WAY over the top when it came to discipline and he always over reacted to the smallest things. i don't remember my mom ever sticking up for us. things were so bad for us kids and i seriously think my step dad had anger and control issues. they divorced with i turned 18. now, i tell my mom stories about things he did to us and she acts all innocent, shocked, and dumbfounded (spelling?) like she had no idea but i find that very hard to believe. She never acted like his behavior was unacceptable although she never treated us that way. i blame her for allowing him to treat us that way.
    Hopefully this isnt going on it your home without your knowledge.
    Mel_in_PHX

    Answer by Mel_in_PHX at 4:38 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • no he never yelled at or hit my son he always walk away, I dont think he really know much on the situation of discipline because he dont have any children
    lovely111

    Comment by lovely111 (original poster) at 5:21 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • This is what I remember hearing on Dr. Phil, and I fully agree with it. He has said that Step parents should NOT be doing any sort of dicsipline...that is for the parent to do. The kid will just resent the step parent, as they are not their real parent....
    minimo77

    Answer by minimo77 at 7:05 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • first of all its NOT a bad thing that he walks away if he is mad, but communication is a key element here. Have you ever disagreed with him while he was trying to discipline your son? If so, he may be afraid that he wont live up to your standards. Its hard blending a family espeically if he has never had children. He is excepting a package here, its hard to handle the transition. My brother and his GF just recently seperated because they had constant fights over her child. He tried to be a good role model and father to him, but she always disagreed with him. Explain to him that you want him to be a part of his life even in that area. Explain what is tolerable and what isnt. Your son needs this as well b/c if you two are going to become one, he willl need to learn that you are together in the decisions you make and he will need the stability!! As long as he isnt doing anything against your values and morals then respect him
    solmenkoo3

    Answer by solmenkoo3 at 11:02 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

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