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Are my parenting decisions unreasonable?

I've been feeling a lot of guilt and pressure about certain decisions I've made about my baby (i.e. breastfeeding, when he can go for over night stays, etc.) I'm getting the most pressure from my mother-in-law and I really love her, but trying to justify my decisions is frusterating me. I need to know if I'm being unreasonable with my decisions like (I don't want a bottle introduced for two-four weeks and onle once or twice a day and ALWAYS breast milk) and my other decision is no over night stays until he's two. Are those really unreasonable?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:45 PM on Nov. 24, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (47)
  • If you have a reason to why you don't want him to stay over night with his grandparents then its not unreasonable. If the reason is because I said so...then it could be unreasonable.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:49 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • You are absolutely not being unreasonable! I think you know what is best for your baby and your MIL should respect that. My mother thought some of my methods were unreasonable, she hates that she's not allowed to smack my 18 month old's hand for getting into no-nos but she follows the rules. Of course, there is the occasional ribbing she understands that they are my boys. If I remember correctly my first was 2 1/2 before he spent the night for the first time. I can't imagine leaving one so little anywhere overnight, even at mamaws. Don't let her undermine your self-confidence, YOU are mom now not her. Good luck!!

    Answer by Slinkee at 7:51 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Not unreasonable at all, your the parent period

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • I don't think that sounds unreasonable! Obviously your baby is quite new, so I don't think I'd want overnight stays, either. And you want to breastfeed? Go for it! It's your baby and you should raise your baby how you want to. No one could be a better parent to your child than you. Just let your mother-in-law know that you appreciate her advice (even if you don't) and keep doing what you're doing.

    Answer by KatieBatey at 7:53 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • You are the mom, so you get to make the decisions. I will say that you can get good advice from "grandma" but ultimately the good and bad choices are yours (and your SOs) decision to make. With my first I made the mistake of taking their advice as "gospel" but not with my second. Everybody has their own opinion about raising children but in the end it's up to you.

    Answer by WD40 at 7:54 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Thanks so much. What's sad is we're getting into these things and my son isn't due until the end of January. My family just didn't do that, my mom never left me until I got older and my sister never left her kids over night. I think I'd be a nervous wreck. And her big thing is if I breast fed, she wouldn't get to feed the baby. I think there is plenty of time for that, I just don't want to introduce a bottle too early and have it ruin my chances to successfully breast feed because I heard that infants can actually prefer the bottle to breast because it's easier. Is that true?

    Answer by H.C.Mommy at 8:00 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • My whole family was anti-breastfeeding. My first son had a bottle, but I nursed my second and my family was ALWAYS complaining that they couldn't even hold him because he ate constantly. I started pumping when he was around 3 months old and he didn't really prefer the bottle or boob, so long as it was food. I would definitely wait the first 6 weeks at LEAST to introduce a bottle though, breastfeeding can be tricky and best not to muddle with it until you've both got it down.

    Answer by Slinkee at 8:06 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • LOL thank you! I appreciate the advice so much!

    Answer by H.C.Mommy at 8:13 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Not unreasonable at all, but I have to say: nixing the overnight stays at this point seems a bit much. You don't know how your child is going to be, and maybe he or she would be fine with the grandparents or other family. My niece and nephew stay with my parents on weekends sometimes, and everyone loves it. We left our daughter with my hub's parents for a week when she was 11 months old. It was way harder on us than her.
    Still don't think you're being unreasonable, just my two-cents.

    Answer by sfwilson at 8:21 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • I don't think that it sounds unreasonable. It is great that your MIL wants to spend time with her grandchild but at the same time structure, consistancy, and nurturance from the same people in the same environment is very important to little ones. Think about it this way, what happens when he wakes us in the middle of the night and the warm body of mom or dad isn't available? The smell of mom and dad, the same room, the sounds and rythems of the same house...all this can cause anxiety in a small child. We tend to take for granted that infants can be as flexable or more so than adults. The reality is that they do feel anxious and do get depressed. Even as babies. So keep doing what you are doing for your child's health and emotional well being. You don't have to make lame excuses. They are not lame. And you don't owe an explanation.

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:26 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

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