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2 Bumps

I realy hope any of u can help me ?

may be u will say am silly,or empty ,but my feeling and my personality are destroyed because of my husband. i love him but i start thinking of a way to stop this love .i am an average looking ,28 years old lady.my husband is 41. he always looks at other ladies infront of me ,he looks at them to attract them and to encourage them to like or look at him. i have a beautiful married friend he also look at her as if he likes her beauty. i love my friend and iam trying not to loose her because of him. he is hurting me every day. i talked to him many times ,i screamed ,i showed him it hurts me,i tried every thing ,he reply with a smile or a laugh : heheheh u r just jealous, admited u love me so much bla bla... i know he is running away from my acusing but even if i ignored his acts it still hurts alot. i can't even hide my anger . he always make me feel iam the less something as if i am not pretty or he can get better than me. i tried to feel more confident but he always tries or just destroy my personality as a women or may be he doesn't know he is destroying me. i need help to work on my self , to have self confident , to even stop loving him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Mar. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Honestly, if you told your husband how you feel, and he just laughs it off, that makes him a total jerk. And if he continues to do it, knowing how it hurts you, and how it affects your self esteem, then he's pretty much being abusive. Nobody deserves that. Put your foot down. Tell him exactly what you told us. Tell him that unless he stops, you're leaving. And if he continues, LEAVE. You deserve better than that.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 5:27 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • Some men can never accept anyone fully or treat them right - it isn't YOU, it is something with him. When I read your post it reminded me a relationship I had with a man 10 years older than me in my mid 20's. I was so young and stupid - I look back now at 41 and laugh because I would NEVER tolerate for one moment now what I did back then. He was a misogynistic older man who had love/hate mommy issues, always accused me of cheating - though I NEVER did or gave him a reason to think I did. I can look back now and realize that HE had issues - I was just the poor sucker he focused his dysfunction on, I allowed it. Oh I thought we had chemistry, I loved him - I went back and forth with him like a crazy person for FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE until I left for my daughter because I didn't feel he made a good example. He was a prominent attorney and everyone loved him, he was a great guy in many aspects but an AWFUL partner. Cont'd
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 5:33 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • what he is doing is ABUSIVE. leave his dumb ass and dont look back. u deserve better.
    Kelly_Ann

    Answer by Kelly_Ann at 5:36 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • The first thing I would do would be to stop saying anything to him about his behavior. You've made your point, and he seemingly doesn't care. The second thing I would do would be to start making there be some consequences for his bad behavior. Since I don't know him, I can't tell you what those should be, but they should involve something that he really likes that you do for him. If you stop rewarding his bad behavior by changing yours, he just might get the message. Talking to men about your feelings rarely makes a difference in their behavior. Remember, however, that this is the man you chose to be your life partner. I would tell him that when I married him, it was because I loved him and believed it was for life. I would also tell him that, if necessary, I can and will live the rest of my life as a single woman while still married to him. Some things just ought not be tolerated, and this is one of them!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:36 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • you CAN and will get over a relationship like that and when you are older with more life experience you will wonder how you ever tolerated a relationship like that for a moment. We live in a time of choices for women - we no longer have to stay in awful marriages, relationships because "thats just what you do". People make mistakes and marry the wrong person, if that is the case for you, recognize it and move on. I wonder how my girlfriends listened to me moan on about this guy for so many years and then watched me go running right back to him, how frustrating that is. I have a wonderful SO now who cherishes me, treats me so wonderfully and truly loves ME for me and is a true partner in ever sense of the word. It took bad relationships like that for me to realize what I truly wanted and needed and grow to be ready for a good, healthy relationship when it came along. BE STRONG beautiful girl and know your worth!
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 5:37 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • **hugs** its not you sweetheart!! its him!! he needs the attention to make himself look better. that type of personality wouldnt settle for average, so of course you are beautiful!! he married you, remember. now as for his actions, they are just plain mean. in his selfish acts, he is destroying your beautiful self image and making you feel less than beautiful and amazing, the woman that you truly are. obviously he needs to work out his own personal image. maybe he feels like he isnt good or hot enough for you? maybe he doesnt think he is able to please you in bed? "other people are the mirrors to what we see in ourselves" understand that he thinks he is a "little" man, try to boost his self esteem and your by getting sexified and treat him like a different man. i dont know if that will work, but good luck! and if he keeps it up, you are better than that! get your prince :)
    Arretsmomma5

    Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 5:43 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • do you really love to be treated this way?... i think not
    do you really think you love him..or the idea of him, the idea of what love should be?

    think with your head at this time..what would you advise a friend of yours if she had this issue - that is the path you need to take
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:51 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • ive been in a situation like that. its an ego trip for them, when ur insecure u get the security from wherever u can get it. im sure theres nuthin wrong with u. its definitely him. leave his ass and see wut he does. if hes walking all over you then he doesnt deserve you. its hard, i no it, but in the end its all worth it. cuz then u r happy and getting more involved with urself and getting that confidence back. find someone that showers u in compliments and a lot of respect!
    jburns52

    Answer by jburns52 at 10:53 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • It sounds to me that he does know it's destroying you when he behaves this way. So he either doesn't care or he enjoys causing you pain. Or in some warped way it boosts his ego to make you so jealous. I think, if it were me, I would learn to ignore his behavior. I would either walk away or be "distracted" by my cell or something else. Don't give him the pleasure of seeing you upset.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 9:55 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

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