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Dh is scared sh*tless.

We're ttc (I think). He says he wants children, but when its time to "try" he's tired or "sick" or makes up a lame brain excuse. Once I'm not ovulating he's ready to go! I don't get it?? He seems super paranoid and I've talked to him about it and he claims he wants a child etc etc but he is scared about money and everything. I think it would force him to grow up and hes petrified, because he's always been a mamma's boy and didn't even move out until we got engaged. Maybe his dad passing when he was 3 has something to do with it b/c he doesn't know what being a father is even like at all. I don't know. I keep getting mixed messages. I am confused.....any advice would be great. I want a child SO badly.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Nov. 24, 2008 in Trying to Conceive

Answers (19)
  • You can't make him want a child. Give him time and space and stop being baby-crazy and maybe he'll come around!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • hmmm... it sounds like he has some reservations about being a father, huh? I think this is something you two need to talk out. This is really important to you. Tell him you need to know what his intentions are. If it's just a matter of cold feet that he can get over, maybe you could agree to wait until he's ready. Make sure he knows that it's important to you, not just some grown-up+ married= baby motion you're going through.
    sfwilson

    Answer by sfwilson at 8:15 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Maybe sitting down and doing a budget with him would help! Show him that the baby wouldn't put that much of a strain on the finances and also, if you have friends with kids, start spending the day with them. Make sure the kids are well behaved though!
    H.C.Mommy

    Answer by H.C.Mommy at 8:16 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • I agree that you need to talk about it. I also think that maybe if you stop trying and just have fun then you may just end up pregnant. I can understand why he has reservations about being a father because of his father dieing when he was so young. He is more then likely very scared and unsure of himself. He may also feel pressure from you. I am not trying to be mean I am just saying that if you are really keeping track of when you ovulate and trying to have sex around that time then it kind of takes the fun out of it.

    For me I enjoyed the trying part of making a baby. Once I let go of the need to have a baby I got pregnant like that. Sometimes I think we can over think wanting to get pregnant,

    As I stated before relax and enjoy it. It will happen eventually

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:20 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • First of all----to the rude first comment I am far from "baby crazy." You don't even know me so if you don't have anything constructive to say then don't waste my f'n time. If you actually read my post he told me he WANTS a child.....so learn to read. I can't get over the rude bi*ches on here sometimes that just want to jump all over everyone. Put your claws back in.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Anyway to the rest of you who actually had something valuable to actually add, we HAVE talked about all these things thats the problem. We've talked about it for the past 8 months. We've been married for over a year, and we talked about financial stuff, even got off birth control, talked about where the room would be, etc. The problem is when we're supposed to try, I see it in his face......hes scared. I mean we've talked and I told him of course I'm scared too, but its natural.
    I even asked him straight out if he wants children and he quickly says yes, but then when its time to get down....hes complaining about being sick or tired or something. I just don't get it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Actually it doesn't cost that much. Most the essentials you get in your shower and then if your breastfeeding the food is FREE. All you need to worry about is diapers.....if everyone waited until they had money to have children we'd be an endangered species.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • hahahah I just did that little calculation and it was the most rediculous crap I ever saw. It is SO vague and certainly doesn't apply to everyone. There were MANY things on there that wouldn't apply to me personally and alot of people I know. One of my best friends is a single mother of 3 and doesn't even spend NEARLY that much. Where the hell was that created in Beverly Hills??? LOL
    BLoNdIe121679

    Answer by BLoNdIe121679 at 8:44 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • My husband has only seen his dad twice in his life. His stepdad was a lazy good for nothing man. we have been married for 2.5 years in the first 8 months my tumor was removed and he was in a motorcycle wreck, we decided at 1 year of marriage that we were ready to start our family. We got pregnant immediately after quiting BC we were ecstatic. we miscarried at 7 weeks and he went into his shell. He still wants one and I want to see the glow he had when I told him. We have sex 1 or 2 days a month, and he won't do it when I ask for it. I tell him I want sex two or three days before I ovulate and by the time he wants it, it is the day or day before I ovulate. It hasn't worked yet, we have been doing it this way for 13 months now. I am not tricking my husband bc he wants it too I just think he is a little scared. He tells me to prop my hips up sometimes to help the spermies. If u need to chat just message me
    Sims8386

    Answer by Sims8386 at 9:10 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • He told you he wanted a child....but you said he was avoiding your ovulation times! What does that tell you?? Just chill out dude!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

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