Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

7 Bumps

Are people aware there is a difference between parental stupidity and abuse?

Seriously, if one more person tries to tell me something besides physical/mental harm on a child is abuse I'm going to smack someone. If you take your infant to a concert, you are probably stupid. But, you are not ABUSING them!!! If you beat your child with any object, and leave marks, you are abusing. If you allow your child to play outdoors while you watch through a window in a yard not fenced in, you are probably stupid. However, you are not abusing/neglecting them. Do people understand there are children out there every day who are truly abused? They're burned with cigarettes, forced to drink gasoline, beaten to concussion, left for days with no food and in their own feces, told hour after hour mommy wishes you were dead, you're useless, you're garbage... These children are being abused. The baby at the concert? NOT ABUSE. Stupidity yes, abuse no. The toddler getting spanked (NOT BEATEN) NOT ABUSED. The child who bit, and was lightly bitten back, NOT ABUSED. Seriously, some of the people on here need to re-vamp their definition of child abuse. It's really insulting to those poor children who truly are abused. Yes, I will give you stupidity and abuse go hand in hand more then likely. But allowing face paint on your young child, although not a decision all of us would make, IS NOT abuse. Piercing an infants ears, although arguably not the best decision in the world, is no where near abuse. I shake my head in amazement on a daily basis on what some of you fellow cafemomer's view as abuse, and then I thank my lucky stars you live on the other side of the country. Am I the only one who doesn't cry child abuse anytime I see something "different" or against my personal choices?

 
ba13ygrl1987

Asked by ba13ygrl1987 at 11:38 PM on Mar. 17, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 19 (7,805 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (28)
  • It is very easy to point fingers at another mother. I am not perfect, none of us are. I know the difference. Some women are just super anal and think it is the end of the world if their kid has applesauce with sugar added when you can buy sugarless. Hells bells, my kids have eaten a popsicle as soon as they got out of bed. BIG DEAL! I am an excelent mom, and my 5 count em 5 kids are smart, funny, kind, well mannered kids who eat sugar now and then, run the house and are in our pool buck naked, have stubbed a toe, eaten dirt, and a million other little gross things that make up childhood. These things are NOT abuse or NEGLECT. I think some really need to get over themselves. For the record, my eldest is now 25 and he is just fine sugar, dirt and all.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:36 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I realize how serious abuse is, whether it is physical or emotional. It is a serious problem. But I also believe that there are people that are taking advantage of the system and will tell CPS anything just to get another person in trouble just because they don't like them. Now, this is definitely wrong. This is pure and simple stupidity. There are too many kids out there they are abused every single day and these cases sometimes are taken seriously enough. These kids wind up seriously hurt or get killed because parents just can't handle their kids without laying a hand on them. Now this is very wrong.

    But there are other people who waste time the CPS. They can take this wasted time and deal with the more serious cases that really need to be tended to. It hurts me to see a child that really needs the attention from CPS and not get the help that they really need. I don't like to see kids get hurt.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:13 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • You make it sound as Mothers on this site down play abuse. This is not the least bit true. Abuse comes in many forms, some are more horrific then others. My heart goes out to any child who is abused or neglected in any shape form or fashion. I think anyone who can hurt a child by burning them or starving them should be given the same torture that any child endured, but their are parents who do hit their child for ridiculous reasons or neglected them. It might not be to the extent your speaking of...but it is still abuse and they don't deserve children! There are serious forms of abuse and I think stupid parents do exist and should not reproduce, but we can't control that. It is what it is. We live in a horrible world....but I would never down play abuse of any form.
    justalady774

    Answer by justalady774 at 12:00 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I know a lady who is an excellent single mother. Her kids do not go without and she works real hard. They have a wonderful relationship with the mother and truly loves her and she loves them. Their deadbeat father is not in the picture and to cause pain to the mother he constantly accuses her of abuse and neglect. He calls the cops and dcf and the close the cases because they can tell he is lying. He says shes abusive and neglectful because she has a 5yr old and has a trash barrel in the kitchen or because the mom made tea one morning and forgot it and the next couple of days it had a little mold. Shes a hard working busy single mom and that is something any person would forget but to him the kids are so badly abused and neglected. His goal is to get the kids taken away from her to hurt her..which is said.. I spoke to him once and told him to visit a foster home or place where the house kids that have been abused so he can see
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • so he can see what true abuse is and would never wish it on his kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Mar. 17, 2011

  • I do not think that kids who have been bitten are less abused than a parent who spanks with a belt. Nor do I think it is anninsult to a child who is a survivor of sexual abuse to advocate the safety and well being of all kids. All kids deserve an environment where they are not be afraid of a parent using force to bully their child. If you want to slap me, pull out my hair, or have an adult tantrum...well there are laws that protect me. Unfortately they do not equally apply to children when the person doing the abuse is a parent.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:04 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • It isn't that mothers on this site down play abuse, it is that some blow stupidity out of proportion and into abuse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I agree with you...to some extent. One mother would put her 3 year old outside to play all day while she slept in her apt. Thought the child was not actually being 'abused', it was neglect. a 3 year old, unsupervised, alone in an apt. complex courtyard (with a pool), for hours a day, daily, is neglect. I wasn't the only tenant that called the police.

    For the most paret, some parents do some really stupid things, that while are not abuse, make you question where they draw the line at neglect?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Well, I agree for the most part. However, I think some of the things that aren't considered abuse, should be considered as NEGLECT. once read that a mother let her 4 month old CIO for 4 hours. That's neglect, IMO. I also think a child playing outside unsupervised (depending upon the age), may be neglect. I think it's often hard to differentiate and everyone is going to have different opinions on what is/isn't abuse. I'm not quick to call things abuse though, bc like you said, it's not fair to the children who actually are getting abused. It makes me mad when people call CPS over something that is NOT abuse and the time/help is taken away from the children who truly need it.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 12:42 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Oh...and as for people biting their child....I do think that's abuse AND stupidity. No one should be biting their child and if they are, they're obviously too stupid to think of a disciplinary method that doesn't involve BITING their child. Biting really hurts, and I would never do that to my child. A tap on the butt is one thing, but sinking your teeth into a child is wrong

    um if your leaving teeth marks your doing it wrong in the first place and are the biggest moron i know, when people say they bite their child back they should not be leaving teeth marks you can bite enough for it to registrar that it hurts but not actually leave teeth marks.
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 1:04 PM on Mar. 18, 2011