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My boyfriend is very involved in my pregnancy. It is to the point where we argue about everything. He has polar opposite feelings about things like washing new clothes from the store, breastfeeding, and whatever you can think of. At times we try to compromise but i feel like it takes aways from my role as the mother. I want to make these decisions. I dont feel like the woman of the house. Its like he is the man and the women and he doesnt need me. What should I do?

Many times we disagree on things. I just want to be the one making the motherly desicions, and not him. Sometimes I think he is just trying to put in his mothers two sense. That is a whole other subject. I am in college and neither one of us have very much money. He of course controls the money because he works and I just go to school. We arent married but he takes care of me a lot, but not completely. my father still pays my big bills (car, etc.) So his mom helps us out with things sometimes. She has picked out the babies furnititure, comfortor, and everything that goes with it. She told me I can take it back if I dont like it... but seriously how am i going to do that. Its just getting to the point where I feel like I dont' know what to do. I am due in three weeks and I am almost dreading all the arguments to come.

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1st-time-mom-21

Asked by 1st-time-mom-21 at 9:35 PM on Nov. 24, 2008 in Pregnancy

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Is he normally this controlling or has it just been since you've been pregnant? If he's normally not like this it could just be that he's feeling left out and trying to exert his control over it all to regain his feelings of manlyness. Some men get freaked out about their lack of control during pregnancy, I would try talking to him about it, honestly and calmly. There's a good chance he may lighten up a bit once the baby actually gets here. However, if this is his usual MOS then I would seriously consider leaving or getting couples counseling at the very least. I hope things work out well for you.
    Slinkee

    Answer by Slinkee at 9:41 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Well, he is interested in the baby that is great. I think in his way he is trying to be supportive, but you are making it hard for him to be. I know what is going on because I did that to my husband. For us it got to the point where he didn't make any of the decsisions when the kids were small. I wanted to be the mother damn it. Poor guy, he was damned if he did something and damned if he didn't. He couldn't win. Relax. Talk everything out.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 9:44 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • There is no better way then to compromise on your decisions. You need to tell him that you want to make the decisions together that he shouldn't be the one making all the decisions.
    guitargirlygirl

    Answer by guitargirlygirl at 9:44 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Just sit down and have a talk with him about how you're feeling about everything. Remember, the baby's mother is #1 to the baby for at least the first 6 months. Find something to back you up whenever you're debating something.

    Like, breastfeeding is best for baby, and you should do so for at least 6 months. It helps baby's immunities, and helps him/her grow smarter and gain weight at a good pace. If he feels he'll be left out of the "bonding", get a breast pump and let him help with some of the feedings.
    Also, you should always wash all baby's clothes (even new ones) before putting him/her in them. The dyes and chemicals can bring up a rash or irritate the baby's skin.
    srhmldndo

    Answer by srhmldndo at 9:45 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Do not arguments after baby born cause plm. They took my baby away do long, my boyfriend and i fighting to won our baby back. we both being good parenting to won court
    whoishotmama

    Answer by whoishotmama at 10:34 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • As hard as it is being this pregnant, you need to sit him down and set things straight before baby comes (you're not going to have the energy later, and you don't want to fight around baby!). If necessary, talk to your Dad and make sure you have somewhere to stay, just in case. This actually sounds dangerous to me!
    KatieCrandall

    Answer by KatieCrandall at 10:55 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • If you feel strongly about something, do a little research. Maybe find evidence, studies, professional opinions that support how you feel. Maybe if you can show him that your opinions are really beneficial for the baby, he will be more understanding. Thats great that both of you are so interested though. Good luck with the MIL
    jcsscfam5

    Answer by jcsscfam5 at 12:35 AM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • As far as his mother goes, ask her if in the future when she plans to buy anything for the baby, if you could go with her. Tell her you appreciate her help but it would be easier if you were there to choose what you like best. If she's serious about you returning something she bought that you don't like, this would make it easier. Maybe you boyfriend is using his moms opinions because thats all he has to go on. Try reading books on the baby stuff together and discuss what you each agree on while you read. We did that and it was great because I tended to do everything my way . This showed me how much my husband cared and wanted to be involved and that I needed to let him be.
    rosieday

    Answer by rosieday at 7:00 AM on Nov. 27, 2008

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