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My husband is 41 and i have been with him for nearly 9 years BUT..............

He hasnt had a job in this time he lives of his Mum, i have been in work throughout our relationship and now what with me being 33 on Saturday would like to start a family, but due to his being dependant on his Mum means i am considering leaving him ......He is not a nasty man and i know he loves me its just everything is on his terms and i feel that as soon as it becomes a situation where it is just myself and him (plus kids ) i will be the one he is dependant on and as it is times are hard even with his Mums help, I know she is enableing him but it has been 41 years of habit and i can no longer intervene as it causes huge arguments and hurt between the three of us so i have had to stay out of it , I care and love him a lot but this is filling up a lot of my thought time so i wanted some perpective from outsiders..........So that i can make a decision once and for all as i have been on the fence with theese thoughts alone for a long time .....Many thanks to who ever responds.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:47 AM on Mar. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Have you tried talking to him?
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:49 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Yep i have but he is adament that his dreams of being a musician are more important, which has also been going on for the past 9 years, in the begining of our relationship i was hopefull and supportive but now i am becoming resentfull which is not healthy .........
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:59 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • 9 years is an awful long time for nothing to happen, leave his ass
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:01 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • LOL your funny !!! Thankyou for your input i am really thinking about it i just know it will brake him but i tend to agree with ya, thanks again .
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:05 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • i agree. after 9 years of nothing, it's time he jumps on plan B.

    you should give him a very straight forward ultimatum. "i want kids, but not with you if you are going to spend your life daydreaming & unemployed. get a job or i'm leaving 'cause you're holding me back. i'm not your mom & i refuse to baby you. change needs to start immediately!"
    rAbella

    Answer by rAbella at 1:19 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Thank you girls i cant believe how supportive and quick your responces have been i also think you are right i need to have something change and if its not him it will be the situation ....many thanks again .
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:23 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Im sorry to say this but yes after 9yrs of this, I would leave. How would u depend on him?Not that im saing you should but you also deserve a man that will spoil you because you deserve it. Now of his mother i dont mean to judge her but part of being a parent is to teach your kids to become responsible, I have 4 brothers& 2 of them depend on my mother.I am ashamed of that. Gl
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • NO, NO, NO GIRL-FRIEND ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 3:05 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I was with a loser for 3 years... I couldn't image 9 years.... I think it's time to let go. It's going to hurt like hell but you can do it! *hugs*
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 3:55 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Somewhere I heard that after 5 years if a person hasn't got to the next level they won't with you. 9 yrs living with mom and no job. That a train wreck. You need to move on girl. I'm sorry but he don't sound like he cares for anyone but himself. You don't want a man like that for the father of your children. what kind of children will they grow up to be? Of course the final decision is yours. Can you live that this the rest of your life? Do you want kids growning up in that type of evirment? Lot of question that only you can answer. Good luck.
    Parka54

    Answer by Parka54 at 4:49 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

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