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2 Bumps

Why should I?

When I was 18, my boyfriend, 20, gave me the whole "I love you" spiel and told me on several occasions that he wanted to marry me and have kids right then. I continuously told him I wasn't ready for kids and I wanted to finish school before I got married. Two months later, I was pregnant even though we used a condom. After the first month he admitted to me that he had done it on purpose and poked holes in it. I was mad but as long as he was supportive and took responsibility I was okay it. Apparently, after the third month is where panic sets in. He took off to NY and ignored me. Now, three years later, our son is a happy little boy and has my husband who has been nothing short of a spectacular father to him. Guess who pokes his grimy little head up. All of a sudden he wants to see his son who he has never even met once. He says he was scared. So was I! And I had to do it by my self! He claims he has seen that what he did was wrong and he wants to make up for it and be in his son's life.

So why should I let him? He wasn't there when he was born so his name isn't on the birth certificate. So legally, unless he takes me to court to demand a blood test to prove he's the father, I don't have to let him see my boy. He hasn't helped me with him at all in three years. And my son is happy having my husband as a daddy and he's always treated ds as his own. Introducing he bf would confuse him. Would you let him in?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:01 AM on Mar. 18, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (9)
  • He is the boys father and that doesn't give you the right to punish your son and keep him from him. Give him a chance but be very cautious about it. Set aside your anger you have toward him and let him be a father to his son. He came back didn't he? Start with supervised visits but do not tell your son he is his dad till he can prove that he will be a good father and not take off again.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:04 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • What does your husband think? How does he feel about it? If he'd like this guy to go take a hike, I'd tend to side with him, but if he's okay having another person be "daddy" to his little boy, then I guess you could consider it.
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 1:08 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • If he REALLY wants to see his son, he will take you to court. Let him work for it.
    tara4j

    Answer by tara4j at 5:00 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I wouldn't let him in my son's life. I'd make him work for it, prove he's the father, take him to court for all back child support, etc..
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:12 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I should have also mentioned...eventually he will get to be in his son's life. Courts will not keep him from his son. Sorry!
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:12 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I wouldn't. He's already walked out once, and he's likely to do it again, which would confuse your son even more.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 8:23 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • From experience, I would. I grew up thinking 1 person was my father when in fact at the age of 23 found out he was not. It messed me up a lot especially with trust issues. Now I am 39 my real father and I get along pretty good but it is not like it should be. If his father wants to be in his life let him.....just my opinion. I hope this helps.
    momoftaterbug

    Answer by momoftaterbug at 12:55 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Plus dont forget you 2 were young
    momoftaterbug

    Answer by momoftaterbug at 12:56 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • If your husband is ok with it, I would let him meet the boy, just introduce him as a friend at first. If he's really interested and wants to be in his life test it out by letting him visit for 30mns or something like that every other week or so, if he sticks around then you can go from there if not well nothing to worry about. The thing about court, is he can either not try, or if he does he can try to get him weekends or stuff like that. If it were me i wouldn't want to risk it, and I've avoided staying out of court for anything to do with my children.
    emmasmama2007

    Answer by emmasmama2007 at 4:31 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

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