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11 Bumps

Ive been asked to adopt a baby. adult content

I've made friends with a couple Muslim girls in London. The one girl's husband and father of her 4 children (2 surviving) raped his 13 yr old niece, who is now pregnant with his baby.

Because of the culture, and being from Yemen originally, the girl is running to live in a shelter to stave death.

Here's the rough part... she asked me to adopt her child. She told me that the baby had to leave from where her family could find it, or they'd kill it. She also made it very clear to me that if I chose not to, she would abort.

I don't want to live with the guilt of passing on saving a life, even though I KNOW it isn't my fault I would still always live with the knowledge and ask myself about what could have been.

What do I do? I have two young children of my own, under two, but could make it work. She has no interest in finding another family, or looking at all.

Help! What would this cost??

Answer Question
 
matobe

Asked by matobe at 11:15 AM on Mar. 18, 2011 in Adoption

Level 21 (10,174 Credits)
Answers (27)
  • You could take it and have it adopted by a difff. fam
    kylansmommy09

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 11:17 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • wow I would see if you could start getting different adoption agency to work on the case now. It seems that you are being trapped to take responsibility. It really depends on what you want good luck
    ChanQ

    Answer by ChanQ at 11:19 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • First, that's very wrong of her to put pressure on you to say basically, "either you take this baby or I kill it." You should not feel responsible if she makes that decision because it's not your fault she's thinking that way.
    Also, way out the pros and cons. Take in consideration that this baby will be an extra handful because it will be born disabled if she's pregnant by someone who's in her family.
    -lovingliam-

    Answer by -lovingliam- at 11:20 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Contact a Lawyer that specializes in International Adoptions. If you choose to do this, protect yourself by going by the book and legal in every way. Have everything written legally on paper so you know exactly what is required from you financially.

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:22 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • OMG< how dare your so call friend put this off on you. Sorry, does not sound like much of a friend.

    Asking for help is one thing, but this is not your responsibitity. Depending on your situation, finacially, family situation and all would depend on what you should do. 3 questions to ask your self.
    1. Can I afford this?
    2. Am I jeapordizing my own family???
    3. Do I really want to take on this???
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:25 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Well to you since she asked you to adopt it because of the situation she is right now I would adopt it,,,,,,. She might not want you to pay that much for it because she knows that you will say yes. And if she is keeping in touch with you about her situation then do it because i know you wouldn't want that to happen to your kids and that baby would need a safe place to live at........ And right now the girl is thinking that you can keep her baby in a safe place and be a better mother to it also...
    Fredieu

    Answer by Fredieu at 11:25 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • This is a horrible situation to be in but I don't think it's fair that she's making this 'your' problem. She has many options, if she doesn't want to use them, you shouldn't feel guilty about that.
    Children are a huge responsibility! Do you 'want' another baby right now? Can you handle another child (mentally, emotionally, financially, etc?) What if the baby has special needs? If you adopted the baby, will her family leave you alone? Would they only want to kill the child if it's in their family or simply because the baby is alive? (I don't know anything about the Muslim religion) There are SO many questions.

    I don't know what to advise here, I'm sorry. I wouldn't adopt a baby under these circumstances.
    Alexias30

    Answer by Alexias30 at 11:28 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Almost sounds like a scam to me. What she is saying is true in her country, but not England. In her country, they would stone her to death for being raped if there wasn't three males to witness it. They wouldn't wait for the baby to be born. And, because it's a blood relative that impregnated her, the baby could be born retarded or handicapped. You are not responsible for anything concerning her or her baby. Give her your best advice. Help her find a home for unwed mothers. They will take care of the adoption and help her find a life afterwords. If she doesn't want to do that, I would bet it was a scam from the first.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 11:31 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Kimimale brings up a good point, it just may be a scam. Be careful!
    Alexias30

    Answer by Alexias30 at 11:34 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • wow that is tuff. there r diffrent tthings u could do. u could think how this is going afect ur lil ones an ur lifes or u could take the chance anty to do it then if its to hard than u could give it up. but the best person is to ask an adoption agengcy. god luck i hope u find ur answer ur looking for
    auna21

    Answer by auna21 at 11:36 AM on Mar. 18, 2011

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