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3 Bumps

People without Children, Think they know....

Rundown...49 yr old friend has no children. Could not have them due to medical reasons. Well this "friend" is constantly in EVERYONE'S business telling them how to raise their Kids, what's best etc...Well in the last week I have gotten my fill of her Opinions about Mine and other peoples children. When I expressed to her that a particular situation going on with my own child is difficult for Me she seemed to think she had all the answers. Unfortunately I told her that because she has no children that she couldnt possibly know what I am going through. Well this really upset her. I tried to apologize and she wont accept it. But to be honest, I'm not sure why I'm the one who is sorry. She did state and I quote "My Motherly instict is just as good as yours is"....Well that doesnt set well with Me. How can that be? Don't We, as Mother's, feel that the connection with our children is unique and special? I don't agree with her on the "Instinct" part. Maybe I'm wrong?! Needless to say, she has ended our "friendship" over this....I guess that's fine with Me. Atleast I will avoid future Drama with her.

Thanks For the Vent Session....

Answer Question
 
GoJoMom2448

Asked by GoJoMom2448 at 12:05 PM on Mar. 18, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 7 (186 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I have gotten some of the best parenting advice from friends without kids. They look at the situation at different angles and give advice that way. Just because a person doesn't have kids, doesn't mean they don't have good advice. Sometimes, all it takes to solve a parenting issue, is common sense, NOT a parenting instinct.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:08 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I agree with you. I have a hard time talking to some of my friends without kids because they think they know what I am going through. I would much rather talk to one of my friends with kids, because chances are they have been there before. They can tell me what worked or didn't work!
    AshleyLynnW

    Answer by AshleyLynnW at 12:12 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Instincts are one thing. Experience is another. Part of parenting is weighing the two and seeking advice when you still aren't sure.

    She doesn't sound like she takes criticism well. You're probably better off without her.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 12:13 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Yes, I have experienced this with my sister. She questions why I do things the way I do, says "just throw the baby in the car & meet us & we'll go out for the day". Like You just have to put the child in the car & you don't have to take anything with you or feed them or change them. She has no children & is older too. They have good intentions but DO NOT REALLY HAVE A CLUE at all. She rarely babysits ever. I needed her to stay with my Son while I went to a Doctors visit for a procedure. It took about 3 hours & when I got back she was shot down & exhausted. MY Son also acted very fresh for a week because all she did was joke with him & failed to understand that you cannot continually joke & badger since the child does not know that that is bad behavior if you laugh when they do it. Ask her to babysit for the day & she'll get the idea!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I'm with tyfry7496 here. Sometimes people without children can offer advice from a non-objective stand point. Just like a non-married friend might offer good marriage advice. Just because they don't have children doesn't mean they can't have an idea how they would raise theirs. I mean, on the same side, aren't there people out there that do have children that you wouldn't want advice from? Just seeing how their children turned out? Just a thought.
    deathmiamore

    Answer by deathmiamore at 12:18 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I agree with tyfry & deathmiamore.
    but there are some situations that parents don't want or need advice about.
    I think when you are giving advice, you should try to understand that your input may be viewed negatively if the person didn't ask you to begin with.

    Alexias30

    Answer by Alexias30 at 12:26 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • This reminds me of a time my family and I were at a store. We were in the checkout lanes, finishing up our purchases. My husband had the kids off to the side, mostly out of the way when this high-maintenance *ahem* walked by giving him the dirtiest looks because the kids were being a little rambunctious, but not running around wreaking havoc. It was pretty obvious she did not have kids. The woman walking out behind the snob saw the look and muttered just loud enough for my husband to hear: Wait till YOU have kids.

    I still laugh about that when I think of it.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:27 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Just an FYI....Her favorite thing to give "advice" about....Is telling Mom's how they should be feeling when it comes to their kids and certain situations....My point I was trying to make is that When our children are hurting etc, we as Mothers feel it deeply....She doesnt have that "connection"....How would she know???
    GoJoMom2448

    Comment by GoJoMom2448 (original poster) at 12:29 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I'm with deathmiamore on this one.

    Granted, there are people out there who think they know it all. Those that claim 'when I have a kid, they will never act like that!' as if they can make a kid never throw a fit when they are tired or the like.

    If you didn't want this woman's opinion then maybe you shouldn't have involved her that was your choice. I know that sometimes we want people to just listen, but if you really feel she had no idea what she's talking about then I think you should have had this conversation with someone that had kids.
    She can't have kids and maybe that is very hard on her.
    she doesn't know what it's like to live in your shoes, and you don't know what it's like to be in hers either!
    I think you blew it, and you are the insensitive one. She could probably do without the drama that you created.
    You should probably limit yourself to those with kids from now on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • If she cannot have children due to medical reasons, it is very possible that she has a lot of issues about that, and it really hurts her that she cannot have children. When you told her that she cannot know something because she doesn't have children, you probably hit some very raw areas of her life that brings her much pain. She probably felt this was "below the belt" and that is why she is hurting. It would be very very hard to deal with the fact that you cannot have children if you really want them....and her telling you she has "mothering instincts" tells me she very much wants to be a mother and is in pain that she cannot. For her, this conversation was about something very different than it is for you, and that is why she ended the friendship. Your words wounded her deeply.
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 12:59 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

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