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Friend Drama

About 9 months ago I had a falling-out with my best friend. To summarize, she had become quite negative, to the point that it was difficult to even talk with her. We had 1 awkward conversation in the summer about a camping trip we were planning. Both of us were really annoyed with each other after the conversation - I was annoyed with how negative she was about every aspect of the trip, and apparantly she was upset because she felt like I made the plans without her wants or needs in mind. We didn't communicate about this for months; summer got really busy and we didn't see each other that often, and while things felt awkward, the longer time went on, the sillier it seemed to bring up a dumb conversation from so long ago. Finally, we made a way-past-due attempt to clear the air, and she told me how hurt her feelings were (over the camping trip, and also felt like I did not make her a priority). I felt horrible I had hurt her feelings- I really had no idea. I apologized like crazy. I also told her she had been a bit negative lately and I just really wanted her to be happy. The next day, I sent her flowers and a card because I felt like such a dolt for hurting her feelings.
I thought that things would go back to normal, but they never did. We would get together every once in a while (our husbands are best friends and also work together) but it was always uncomfortable. She would arrive always in a very bad mood and make snide remarks the whole time, and spend most of her time texting on her phone. After each interaction, I would feel totally annoyed at how she was behaving, and then over a few weeks or months I would think a bout all the good times we had, and would try to reach out to her again. Finally I got the clue that she was obviously not interested in continuing the friendship, so I stopped contacting her. In January, my husband invited them over and they declined- she said she felt really uncomfortable with us. So I left her a message telling her I really would love for them to come over and I really missed her- and I meant it. She did not respond. WEEKS later, she sent me a long email about all the things I have done that have hurt her. Truly, most of the accusations were misunderstandings. I replied and apologized for any behavior that hurt her feelings. I tried to explain my side and I told her I really would like to try to work things out if she was up to it. She texted me that she got my email and needed a couple of days to think about it. That was a month and a half ago. I have long since given up on any response and have moved on. TODAY I get an email from her asking if we can be casual friends and go out to dinner or drinks but never talk about the issues we had.
Argh! When I last contacted her, I DID really want to work things out, but after checking my email for over a month, I realized she obviously did not care about me enough to even respond. And now I am angry.I feel like I have apologized over and over (and over) but have received NO acknowledgement from her regarding her part in this! I had "shut the door", so to speak, I am happy with my life as it is. What do I say? Would you reply? I am exhausted by this!

Answer Question
 
Galwaygirl26

Asked by Galwaygirl26 at 12:37 PM on Mar. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I would reply. But I would tell her that after having your apologies go unacknowledged for so long you are no longer interested in a friendship with one who can be so cruel.
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 12:49 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • If she's draining you, walk away. You will always have those great times to reflect on. Some poeple are in your life for a short period of time.
    If I were in your shoes, I'd end the relationship nicely. I wouldn't be able to go on as though nothing happened. Why can't you talk about it, that's the only way to clear up misconceptions.
    Some people just don't want to know what they have done to hurt you, they only want to express what you've done. Too draining!
    Alexias30

    Answer by Alexias30 at 1:03 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • walk away!!!!!! just let it go. NO sensein playing thiks game back and forth. you r overit andmoved on when she wantednothing to do with u so now she can put her big girl panties on and move forward as well. stay happy. I notice in this even when YOU/ or Her talk about being friends again THIS ISSUE comes up again and u are back playingthe avoiding game.
    move forward doll.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 1:20 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Just tell her you know what, obviously you didn't consider my feelings whenever i sent you an email or text, because it took you over a month to respond. so instead of just being casual friends like you want, i'm okay with not being friends at all. i've been a happier person since i don't have to listen to your negativity every time we are together. sorry i know that's being forward but who wants a friend who wants things on her terms all the time.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 3:30 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • OK. It sounds like this "friendship" is way too complicated and for all parties involved, you should just give up. If everytime you hurt her feelings about something that was a big misunderstanding, then its obvious that the two of you cannot be freinds.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:48 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • That sound like me and my ex best friend but she question me about liking her man so by me being the bitch that I am I called her and asked her really what can I DO WITH HIM HE IS IIN JAIL WHAT IMA DO GET A JOB AND TAKE CARE OF HIM BEFORE I TAKE CARE OF MY CHILD DATS A BIG NUMBA ONE NONO sO ITOLD HER AS FAR AS US TALKIN OR CROSSING PATHS IT AINT GNE HAPPEN SO SHE WOULD TEXT MY PHONE HELLO AND SHE WAS LIKE WAT WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE UH FUCK NO. ME PERSONALLY I DONT KISS ASS SO I HAVENT TALK TO HER IN A MINUTE AND SHE WOULD TEXT MY SISTA PHONE IM LIKE DNT EVEN TEXT HER. BUT I THINK YOU SHOULDNT YOUR GROWN JUST AS WELL AS SHE IS YOU DNT NEED NOONE TALKIN TO YOU CRAZY
    Mz.Cookie174

    Answer by Mz.Cookie174 at 10:04 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

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