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So...as long as it doesn't leave a mark, it's okay?

Am I the only one that disagrees with this? That you can hurt your child as long as it's not what CPS considers abuse? I don't know about you guys, but I've been hurt badly before, even when it didn't leave a mark.

 
LovingSAHMommy

Asked by LovingSAHMommy at 1:34 PM on Mar. 18, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 40 (115,957 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Sexual abuse does not leave a mark usually. I would venture to guess that is not okay for most mothers. There is this older saying: sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me. Not true. Words also wound and don't leave a physical mark. It can be as painful as physical abuse. Many people who do abuse their partners and children are very careful to not leave a mark. It doesn't mean abuse can't be horrifically creative and pure torture all the while there are no marks at all.  I still stand by any punishment meant for pain, retaliation, to get even....is no kind of appropriate punishment.  It is abuse when the goal is to cause distress physically and emotionally.  I could never be proud of myself if I were to deliberately inflect any kind of abusive distress on my child or any other child. 

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:58 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • No, it's not okay.....It's also a sad philosophy that basically says it is okay to hurt your child as long as you don't get caught....Our children are gifts and blessings and it is a privilege and a trust to raise them, nurture them, and protect them.....It is an honor to be able to do this...
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 1:40 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • WANTING to hurt your child is wrong no matter how it's worded. Discipline no matter what you do "will hurt" that child one way or another, because it's teaching responsibility of actions. I am assuming that you are talking about spanking, and I have heard CPS say, it is okay to spank your child, but you have to be smart enough to know the difference between spanking and beating and surprisingly a lot of parents do not understand the difference. CPS does not mean you can hurt your child as long as it doesn't leave a mark, they mean you can discipline by spanking on the bottom, your child, as long as you do not leave bruises, welts, or lasting marks...To many times I have seen what they say turned around...and it wasn't meant as sure go to do this or that just don't leave marks...it was meant as a guideline for spanking vs beating.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 1:53 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I disagree with it too
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 1:36 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I think if your main concern when disapiling is CPS then your a horrible parent.... end of story.


     My main concern when disciplining my child is if the disciplinewill result in a lesson learned and a change in course... If what I want/need my child to learn so that he/she can become a successful, happy adult will be provided from the discipline given... and if they will change a behavior that is a negative in their life.

    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 1:40 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I disagree with it too. Nobody should want to hurt their child. My child isn't even here yet and I know I would never do anything to harm him in any way shape or form.
    jessiskinner200

    Answer by jessiskinner200 at 1:40 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • OMG I missed the biting your child question...I never looked at it the way everyone else has responded...A lot of things that are done and not done can leave invisible marks..and sorry just out of experience..I would rather a mark be left for everyone to see, because those do heal over time...the invisible marks hurts the most, and leave lasting impressions that may or may not ever go away.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 2:11 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • It is never ok, mark or no mark.
    older

    Answer by older at 3:06 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I have to admit it takes quite a bit of effort and hard work to think of appropriate responses, for me, when some new situation comes along. It would be easier for me to spank and move on but harder on him in the end. So I give myself permission for time to think about it. I do not have to always come up with something appropriately brillant in that second. I can put a pause on it for now, tell him how frustrated and disappointed I am right now. I can let him know I will get back to this later and let him know what the consequence is. These times are times that truly make him upset. He begs me to do something now. I remove my four year old from the situation and tell him to go into his room for a personal breather so I can think. In his world this is never good. And then I come back when I am ready with a solution to teach and correct. I don't need to do pain to get the OH No Please! look. Just consideration.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:32 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I think if your main concern when disapiling is CPS then your a horrible parent.... end of story."

    Exactly! I don't physically hurt my child bc I love him, not out of fear of CPS. When people give me the "Well, CPS says it's okay as long as it doesn't leave a mark" crap, it makes me wonder if they WOULD leave marks if it weren't for CPS.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Comment by LovingSAHMommy (original poster) at 1:43 PM on Mar. 18, 2011