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My MIL does not like my daughter (A little vent)

Ok, this sounds harsh, but my MIL does not like my daughter. She adores my son (both kids are her grand kids btw)... but my little girl is always on the back burner. My son (who is 6) was tested to join a gifted program for school, in front of my 3 year old girl she says "well do you think Kylee is going to be just average"....WTH!?! How would I know she is only 3.

 The sad part is I think my daughter knows that her own grandma doesn't like her. My daughter never wants to go over to visit, and when we do, she doesn't speak. My husband talked to her about this, but she doesn't get it....What do I say to my little girl? I try to make her (and my son) feel special, but I don't want this to hurt her to bad. Any Ideas?

 
heather_84

Asked by heather_84 at 2:55 PM on Mar. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (175 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Keep both kids away from Grandma - beleive it or not your son recognizes this treatment too - you don't want him thinking that kind of behavior is ok. If gma CARED (even if she doesn't believe her treatment is different) - she would be taking steps to change based on feedback she's received from her son - sounds like she's not making or willing to make, changes. Tell Gma she can't see the children and why and what she needs to do differently to be able to see them (both of them). Your kids will learn that Gma's behavior is not ok. They will also learn that they are ok, loved, and protected. Hugs to your kids and to you/hubby. Stay fierce, mama and take best of care.
    pocmom

    Answer by pocmom at 2:09 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I'm so sorry for you and your daughter. Although I have been where your daughter is, I really have no advice for you. My grandmother always showed preference for my brother. She had eyes only for him. She never acknowledge my existance, except when my brother and I fought that's when she'd tell my mother that I was the cause of the problems. To her he could never do wrong ... he was smart, I wasn't ... he was well behaved, I wasn't ..... Everytime she went some where she brought him something, nothing for me. She cooked him his favorite meals all the time, I bet she never even knew what my favorites were. I grew up to dislike that lady so much! You can never imagine just how much I disliked her! When she died I didn't feel anything. I know how wrong this is and I hope God will forgive me .... Anyway, I really do hope your MIL changes and does her best to build a relationship with your daughter.
    cecyh9

    Answer by cecyh9 at 3:13 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Limit visits with Grandma until she (Grandma) grows up. Maybe absence will make the heart grow fonder & she'll wise up.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Oh how sad!!!!!!!!!! No advice just hugs for you and your little girl. Some people are down right hateful. Makes my blood boil. You know it's bad if she is 3 and already notices something is up with grandma. It's only going to get more painful for you and your little one as the years progress, ya know. You daughter has the potential to be really scarred by this situation. Good luck.
    texasgurl33

    Answer by texasgurl33 at 3:14 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • We already limit the vistitations to once every 3 months. My daughter sits with grandpa the whole time, and I am affraid of my little girl being scarred by this. My DH talked to his mother because HE noticed it and it bothers him.... she said she doesn't do this and that my husband is imagining it...I just feel bad for my little girl and I don't know what else to do.
    heather_84

    Comment by heather_84 (original poster) at 3:21 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • aww ** hugs for your daughter*** that is so sad!! maybe your mil is jealous of your daughter lol. does she have a daughter?? try only bringing your lil girl over. let your mil gripe about that, and after awhile she will bond with your daughter and see the error of her wicked ways. GL i hope you find a happy medium
    Arretsmomma5

    Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 3:29 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Good for your husband standing up for your daughter! I am sad that his mom is in such denial about her own behavior. How does your fil act with the kids? Does he play favorites as well? I am glad that he pays attention to your little girl. IDK if this would help- but could your husband talk to his dad and tell him that mom's attitude and favoritism is hurtful to your daughter? Maybe fil could talk to mil and tell her how hurtful she is. Otherwise I think you are right to limit contact.
    I know how hurtful it can be when you have grandparents that have favorites. My grandma was like that (although I was the favorite) but it did hurt my sis to be 'the other one'. Thankfully my grandpa was not that way, and he made sure to include my sis and give her a bit of extra attention.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 3:32 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • My FIL does not play favorites... my MIL is the only one I noticed this behavior with. My husband is an only child, and she always talked about how much she wanted a girl....so I thought she would love on our little girl, but my daughter is a miniature version of me, acts like me and looks like me. I think that it's because my little girl is sooo much like me that she doesn't like her, and  it is just sad.

    heather_84

    Comment by heather_84 (original poster) at 9:04 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I would not allow either child to be exposed to her. My mother treated my children differently than she did my youngest sisters children. One day I exploded and told my mom that although I loved her, I refuse to keep allowing her to treat my children the way she treated me. And until she could treat my children and my sister's children as equals, we would all stay away. I love her, but I would not allow her to hurt my kids. Now she and my children have a great relationship. You see made a difference between my younger sister, myself and my older brother, we are stair steps and I am the middle child. I understood the pain my children were going through and I would not have it.
    debnich501960

    Answer by debnich501960 at 11:02 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

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