Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

He expects me to "initiate" sex!? maybe TMI.... adult content

My SO and I haven't had sex since Jan., I don't know why he hasn't even tried, I would have by now but I'm way huge pregnant and just don't feel sexy at all. And well it's hard to "initiate" when you don't like your body. I've told him this, yet still nothing from him, it makes me think he doesn't want me anymore! What should I do? How do I even bring it up?

Answer Question
 
lilliedoll

Asked by lilliedoll at 3:08 PM on Mar. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 11 (558 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I'd go to bed w/out panties on, take his hand and let him feel me. I'd hope he take that HINT and take over.
    Alexias30

    Answer by Alexias30 at 3:11 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • He wants to feel wanted and desired. Just go up to him and start kissing him,and pull him by the hand into the bedroom. You don't need to do anything fancy to get him going.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 3:12 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I had the same issue with my son's dad, and we dealt with a very bad sex life from the time I was pregnant until the time we broke up. I couldn't come up with a solution to the problem, and I didn't realize until after we broke up that it was because I was not attracted to him anymore.
    I hope you have better luck than I did.
    AdensMama0308

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 3:13 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • He probably thinks he is being sensitive to you. I know when I was pregnant sex was the last thing on my mind 90% of the time. I was bloated and achy. He is probably putting the ball in your court so you don't have to deal with him trying to initiate at a time when you really don't feel like it. It's probably to spare himself potential rejection too. Some guys get really insecure during pregnancy or freaked out that they might hurt you or the baby. Some men get a crazy sex drive and some men don't. I don't think it's that he thinks your unattractive.
    but you'll have to talk to him and tell him how you feel to really know whats going on.

    Just a thought.
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 3:16 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • He's probably a little afraid that if he does try, he could possibly get a bad reaction from you. So he's letting you be in control of when you two do have sex. Trust me he does still want you, just doesn't know how to bring it up to you that he's horny. So you actually have a really good gift, that is being in control of sex. Im expecting right now and actually i've been wanting sex more than i usaully do. But we are all different. And another thing to do in the morning is tell him your feeling a little frisky. When he goes to work he has all day to think about it. Then when he get's home put on a sexy outfit (which they do sell for expecting women) and he'll know exactly what to do.
    MarinesRmyLife

    Answer by MarinesRmyLife at 3:25 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • i think kayslay is right. when i was preggers, i did not want sex. i loved my body, i was just not in a sex state of mind. he had a crazy sex drive and thought i was absolutely sexy and couldnt keep his hands off me, i had to push him away a lot of the time. plus it hurt to have sex around 8 months because the baby was head down at 7 months and pushing on my urinary tract. i told my DF to let me initiate it, but i never did cuz i didnt want to! maybe set up a cue that he can take to initiate, like not wearing panties to bed, "when i wear my hair a certain way, jump my bones" lol get creative, it will be fun for the both of you. he will see you doing the cue and maybe you guys have something to do before you get busy, and it will be your lil secret.
    Arretsmomma5

    Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 3:25 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I always sleep naked, I've tried rubbing on him while we're in bed (that used to always work) and I kiss him all the time, maybe it is because i have been very uncomfortable during this pregnancy, mostly at night and in the morning when the baby is extremely active, and that''s really the only times we get to have sex, because of the kids... but then again, he used to tease me before work or in the middle of the day (if he's off work) and he used to hold me, and kiss me and hug me, just because he wanted to, now he doesnt even do that.... I'm just so confused...
    lilliedoll

    Comment by lilliedoll (original poster) at 3:28 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • tell him how you feel. he wants to feel wanted and "sexy" as well which is why he is concerned about you not initiating
    -lovingliam-

    Answer by -lovingliam- at 3:46 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I've told him, why I haven't been initiating, because it's hard to do something sexy when you yourself don't feel sexy... It might be just me, but with this belly I can't even look in the mirror... I feel like a blimp and it disgusts me....
    lilliedoll

    Comment by lilliedoll (original poster) at 4:04 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • If you don't feel sexy, why do you care if you have sex at all?

    I am 37.5 weeks, and even if my husband came into the bedroom wearing a whipped cream thong and holding a plate of chocolate-covered strawberries in one hand and his erect penis in the other, I would tell him he's delusional if he thinks he's getting any off my whale-like bloated half-dead body.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 1:07 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN