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the day my daughter was born i did not hold her because i was too weak. her father held her. so now she does not accknowledge me like she does him. what do i do??

I tried to feed her and she cried... he took her and fed her and she was fine. When she gets up set i try to soothe her with no avail... but when he does she relax's. it seems as if she does not acknowledge me as her mother...


Asked by AdyannasMom at 12:14 AM on Nov. 25, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (11)
  • I'm sure she is harboring no ill feelings toward you. You are probably stressed out and she is sensing it. The whole thing about bonding with the first person that holds her is sort of just an old wives tale. We've heard it all of our lives, but there are a lot of us who don't get to hold our babies right away. My sister held my baby for 4 hours before I did and he shows no special affection for her. Tthat little girl is bonded to YOU. It's your voice she listened to for 9 months in your tummy. Everything about you is familiar to her and she needs you way more tham you realize. Scientists have done studies that show that babies are soothed by the deeper sound of a man's voice and will actually look in the direction of a deep voice even if it is someone they've never met. You and baby girl are going to be best friends for the rest of your lives....right now, she just wants to snuggle with dad a little bit. Best Wishes.

    Answer by Raegy at 3:43 AM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • I would keep on tring to feed her and spend time with her... Try laying her in bed with you and when she cries u pick her up and talk to her.... she will learn ur voice and know that u are there for her... I didnt....get to hold my son for 3 days after he was born because he was only 2lbs and 10 oz when born and now we are so close.... she will get to know u .... give it time...... It took about 3 weeks for my son to really relize it

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • Definitely just hold her and tak to her and develop habits with her. WEhen my daughter was born, she was in the NICU for a while. The first 8 hours was torture becuase they wer edoing surgery on one of the teeny-tiney preemies and wouldn't allow anyone in until it was all done. Not a big deal, except we had to work really hard to build that bond. She will warm up to you and it really won't be that long. Good luck!

    Answer by crazybeautifulh at 12:22 AM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • Honestly, it's probably your nerves that are giving her trouble. I wouldn't worry about not getting to hold her right away, that likely has no affect (I didn't get to hold my son until several hours after he was born, while my husband held him right away). I truly believe that your baby can pick up on your stress and discomfort, so she's uncomfortable with you. I had to get my husband over this, and now Bobby and Daddy are two peas in a pod (and he's only three months old!).

    The important thing to tell yourself: she's ok! She's safe, she's healthy, and she's loved. You're not going to do anything wrong, and she'll learn to trust you once you are confident. It's ok if she cries, babies do that. Just hold her, tell her softly that it'll be ok, and believe it! With time, she'll come around and you two will get along great! Good luck!

    Answer by KatieCrandall at 12:29 AM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • My son did the exact same thing and I held him pretty much right away. It made me feel like crap but for some reason Daddy did things much better. He's just about 4 months now and he likes Momma better! I spend more time with him since my husband works more now so he's become more accustomed to me. Give it time, and make sure you do lots to bond with your baby and it will get better!

    Answer by jessicarae787 at 12:35 AM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • I agree with the rest, especially that she can feel your stress. Spend time with her with Daddy so that you can get some good time in. Like hold her in your arms with Daddy right there next to her, or lay her between the two of you in bed so she sees both of you offering comfort. If an adoptive mom with no biological ties, who doesn't even meet the baby for days, weeks, months, or even years can become a mother in the childs eyes, then certainly you can too!

    Answer by SamanthaAgain at 12:42 AM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • How long ago was she born? It very possibly could be your hormones and emotions thinking that she doesn't like you when she really doesn't possess the capabilities of choosing one over another like that so young. Continue holding her, loving her, talking to her and it won't take long at all for you to bond together.

    ((HUGS))) I'm sure you are hurting right now.

    Answer by munch12502 at 1:18 AM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • one of my twins is like that with my bf. she screams cries and nothing he does soothes her! he held sadie more than elizabeth now elizabeth is only calm with me. only him if she doesntsee me around anywhere. i dont know how to get her out of this habit but i told him he needs to try and spend more time with her. and he does or tries too. it breaks my heart that he tells me "she dont love me" when i know that is so not true. its just she is used to one parent more. the same with you. just try doing more things with her. i hold elizabeth and we give daddy kisses together so she is not that afraid of him i guess. lol. and she seems to be doing better. i go around him alot when im holding her and i tell her to talk to daddy and she is getting better at being around him. maybe ur husand should do the same. :) good luck!

    Answer by melissa089 at 1:50 AM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just keep holding her and doing what you've been doing. What you do int he first minutes is NOT going to make or break anything. (I didn't meet my adoptive parents till I was ten months old...but I was better bonded to them than my husband was to his birth mom.)

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:57 AM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • What??? A Daddy's girl, get used to it!!! LOLOL!!! Don't change a thing, let him have to do all the dirty work!!! ENJOY!!!........Julie

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 2:28 AM on Nov. 25, 2008

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