Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Am I wrong for being upset?

Long story short, I live 550 miles away from where I grew up, where my parents still live. We normally make a trip down there twice a year. We couldn't go at Christmas like we planned, when my husband had a week off from work, because of the bad weather. My husband has been working 6-7 days a week, sometimes double shifts, for the past year. My parents want us to come down there for Easter, but the bottom line is my husband cannot afford to take 4 days off of work. He doesn't get paid when he doesn't work and he won't get any paid time off until the last week of July, which is when we are going on vacation. My parents have made no effort to come up here to see us and my children. The last time my dad was here was 9 years ago, when my second son was born. I came up with an idea, for them to take the Amtrak up here, and we would pay for the tickets ( Amtrak is dirt cheap travel). They took the Amtrak many years ago up here, and really enjoyed the trip. My mom said no, we can't do that, immediately, without explanation. I kept asking her why, and all she did was give a long list of excuses; my dad can't travel that far ( they will be able to walk around the train), they don't want to leave their house that long because there have been break-ins lately ( their house could get broken into when they go to Wal-mart, and their neighbors are such busybodies, that they would know immediately, if something was happening while they were gone). It is MUCH more of a hassle for us to travel down there than it is for them to come here. We have 2 dogs and 2 cats that need tended to ( they have no animals), my husband would have to take off work ( my parents are retired) and I get frequent migraines, and I always get one when I sit in the van for 10 hours. It is literally a financial and physical hardship for us to make the trip and they have NO REASON not to come up here!! If they want to see their grandchildren, they need to make the effort at least ONCE, instead of us always having to do it. There is also drama with my brother and I have no desire to get into a brawl with him if we do go there ( it's a long story)

So am I wrong for being angry?

Answer Question

Asked by Bethsunshine at 4:26 PM on Mar. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 24 (20,230 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • No!! Like you said it works to two ways. Your parents being retired would give them more opportunity to visit than yall.


    Answer by jbond83 at 4:32 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I don't see where you are wrong, if it upsets you it does, there isn't any right or wrong. Are you justified for feeling that way, it depends on how you look at the husbands grandfather could shop all day, but to travel it was way to hard on him....I get migraines a lot too, so when we travel it's drive a couple hours, then stop for a while, so I know how hard it is. By the sounds of it, it's just not the right time for you and your family to get sounds like it would be better off if you both waited.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 4:35 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Roads run two ways. Stick to your guns.

    You might have the option of going without your husband... but I do think it's better for THEM to come to YOU.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:37 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • There's really no reason in being mad. You have your reasons for not going to see your parents and your parents have thier reasons for not coming to see you.

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:58 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • It works both ways - no point in being upset. Obviously they don't make it a priority to see you so don't worry about it - if they can't see the practicality of them coming to see you without having to drag a whole family then obviously they have their reasons. Stick to your guns.

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 5:01 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Nothing wrong with your request for them to visit you all. Don't give in, stay strong.

    Answer by debnich501960 at 10:28 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I agree with above. stick to your guns and dont give in!

    Answer by shortycmlb at 4:33 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • No you are not wrong you are actually thinking with your head why take time off work and not get paid, that is crazy and if they are retired then they can come see you.
    If they can't come to see you just tell them that your husband doesn't have paid time off so you can't come down but they are more than welcome to come stay with you if they want and if she give you excuses say well the invitation is always open mom and leave it at that.
    Mom's can sometimes be over bearing my mom is sometimes but I have to just tell her like it is (nicely) and leave it alone and sometimes she gets upset but oh well i have a life too. good luck

    Answer by dusty1962 at 1:34 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.