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3 Bumps

How would you feel?

if your husband never gave you compliments but on fb you see that he gives them to others?
please do not bash me and tell me to leave him.
We have been married 10 yrs and he use to all the time and we get into fights over this. he says that he just feels i should know. or that he is so comfortable in our marriage that i should know.

 
jenn4443

Asked by jenn4443 at 5:40 PM on Mar. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 23 (18,409 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Me personally.

    How I would respond would depend on a few things. Main one being: Was my husband always like that or is this a new (newer) behavior on his part? If he had always been that way, I think expecting it to change after nearly 26 years would be my issue not his. If it is a newer behavior, he and I would have to have some serious discussion about the change and why it has happened.

    Many people feel that after years of marriage, the 2 people in that marriage become comfortable and should just "know" things. I personally do not share that mindset. My husband (nor I) is not a mind reader, he can't look at my ass and be able to just "know" what it is I'm needing to hear from here, or how I need him to interact with me. If I'm needing something from him/our relationship I must take the initiative to make it know.

    Cont. Below
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:46 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I think the key is to not make him feel like he's wrong in this situation. Let him know how you feel about the decline in compliments and how you feel when he does compliment you. Also, how often do you compliment him? As wives, we complain about a lot of things, but we often times we don't give what we claim we're being deprived of. Hope this helps!!!
    S.Marsh

    Answer by S.Marsh at 5:48 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Have you ever heard of the term "love languages"? It's this theory that some people express their love in different ways. Some people feel like they know they are loved when things are taken care of- the garbage is taken out, the bills are paid and the laundry is done. And so that is how they express their love for their partner- by taking out the trash and making sure the bills are paid.

    Then there are others that feel like they are loved when they hear it all of the time or they are touched or are brought presents. So these people express their love by saying it, or touching or giving gifts.

    It just sounds like you are on two separate pages.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 5:50 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • It's extremely important to me, and a pivotal part of having a happy and healthy marriage, for my husband and I do actively show one another: how much we love each other, respect one another, admire, adore, desire, need, want..etc As much as we possible can.


    Taking each other for granted and having the attitude that we should "just know these things" many years ago was extremely damaging to our marriage. We both felt resentful because we both felt that we were not loved, admired, adored, respected..etc because we both just took it for granted that the other just "knew". The reality was very different. Neither of us "just knew", and we were both hurt and resentful because we both felt that the other no longer felt those things..why, because we didn't show it to one another.



    Now we actively make that effort everyday, and it shows. It has made a HUGE difference in our marriage, our relationship and each other.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:51 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I posted another answer, but then read pixie trix answer and felt that it couldn't have been said better. I was in a similar situation w/ my hubby yrs ago. It hurt that the compliments and minor flirtations were focused on other women and none were toward me. You have to be honest w/ him. Tell him that at this "comfortable" time, it is more important than ever to use words and actions to express "what you should already know, that he feels about you'. Then maybe do a little something different to spice things up. A makeover, new sexy jammies, or a date night thing. I wish you luck!!
    HappyEndings

    Answer by HappyEndings at 6:01 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Well, if he's too comfortable in the marriage to pay you compliments then he needs to be shaken up a little bit. If you're not getting the attention you deserve in your marriage and another man begins paying you more attention, how would your husband feel about it?
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:56 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • My s/o gives me compliments sometimes but I will say this whether I am dressed to the nines or whether I am walking around in a baggy t-shirt and my hair all over my head, the smile he gives me never changes.
    debnich501960

    Answer by debnich501960 at 10:02 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • i would be slightly hurt, but also understand that he loves me. ten years is no one year. that is definitely comfortable and your love is known at that point i feel.
    Arretsmomma5

    Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 5:12 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • You know that is exactly what men think they really don't have Brains they think just because they have been with us for a long time that we should automaticly know they love us and we don't need compliment...(we Love compliments) but they don't get it. My concerns here is why is he giving other women compliments on FB or any site for that matter if he's married to you then 'ALL OTHER WOMEN ARE OFF LIMITS" I would talk to him about that and also tell him you know he loves you but hearing it every once in awhile would be nice.
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 12:30 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • You fight because he doesn't complimant you? If you feel that strongly about compliments maybe you should leave him, because if he started complimenting you now it would only be because you insisted that he do and it would be worthless
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 5:45 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

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