Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Visitation issue and have no idea what to do??

My daughters father has visitations with her and has NEVER showed up. I would always harrass him to spend time with her that he would tell me to get off of his d*&* about it. He has made false claims of me abusing my daughter and DCF closed the case because it was a LIE he was admitted to a mental instiution one of the days of the claim. DCF told me it would be neglect to leave her alone with him. I filed for child support and to spite me he made another false report to DCF, told his mom he can murder me if he wants and the following week filed for custody and visitations. While I was pregnant with her he stopped coming by and stopped caring and started denying my daughter so I moved out of state to my parents to finish college and get help. During the time I was out of state I flew him in every month and paid hotels just so he can be around his daughter. I moved back to the same state so he can be with her. He chose to NEVER come around when I moved back with my daughter. When we went to court for visitation I asked for supervised due to his mental health and they said no.
Today I come from work to pick up my 3 yr old like I usually do and she is not there. I assumed he picked her up. I calll and call and no answer. Finally he answered and said she is with him and he is notgoing to let me talk to her or know where they are. Unfortuantely today is a visitaion day. I am so heartbroken right now. If I knew he was going to take her then I would have been prepared but I didnt and have no idea where my 3 yr old is. He has no groceries in his home and has no money. My daughter is still in her school uniform no clean underwear, she has kidney issues and no medication, no food, he does drugs, prescrips, his house is filty and there is nothing I can do. I called 911 and they told me to just wait and hope he comes back with her on sunday if not then go to the station. I am so worried sick about my baby and I dont trust him. Ive seen several lawyers during the week and they all told me that visitation is so tricky to just leave the order since he never shows up. All they really want me to do is file for child support which I refuse. The courts wont listen and help, lawyers wont help me. Do I just have to live with uncertainity and pray and home she is safe. 911 said they can do a well being check but if she is in neglectful conditions then wait til monday to go to court.

what do I do when i go to court. This is so hard for me to deal with alone. I have no money for a lawyer and need all the help I can get.

I will not be able to sleep or eat not knowing where my child is and if she is eating and if she is clean and if safe.. i cant talk to her or hear her voice.

I know he is her father but I dont trust him and no one is there to help me and I just have to live each day worrying if she and I are safe.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:11 PM on Mar. 18, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • if you knew he was like this why didnt you leave well enough alone when he was out of your life instead of pushing him? Call CPS on him since he took her with no medication, that is a form of abuse, medical neglect

    Answer by shivasgirl at 6:20 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • If you fear that your child is being neglected or abused then call and get the nearest CPS office-Child Protective Services. Do not try and bring up any of the bad between you and the childs father. Just state your reasons for concern and see if they will check on the child. It IS there job. As for the court, to be able to accomplish anything, then try and get sole custody of your child. If anything is found from CPS then this can be used as evidence. It may require time and money and many evaluations from CPS-both on your part and the childs father but this is the only way to have a chance at a fari outcome. You also might ask the child if he would sign away his parental rights. I know that all mothers want their childrens father to be a Dad but sometimes its just better to cut your loses and do whats in the best interest of the child. I hope your situation works out for the best for you and your daughter. My heart goes

    Answer by berryhappy1971 at 6:21 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • First of all he has every right to visit and a court order saying he can. Unless he doesnt show up on Sunday (Im assuming thats when the courts gave him til) then you cant do a thing about it. As for child support realistically the lawyers are right to encourage this because it makes you look better to ask for it, like you want him involved & want his financial support. It can be used against you by decent lawyers who say you never even cared enough to ask for financial support. Since you just went through family court you can see how things can go south easily.
    Im surprised your order didnt have specific times & drop offs? If the order hasnt been typed up yet, then make sure thats added along with a clause that says police can intervene to bring her home if he fails to return her.

    Answer by gemgem at 6:21 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Oh & most orders have a requirement to give an address. On your court order it should have his address, if he didnt give one have your lawyer call his to get one. You can always have the police do a well check.

    Answer by gemgem at 6:23 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • I would call DCF NOW and let them know where he lives and anyone you can think of that he might have taken her to. The cops are right they cannot do anything until the time he is supposed to bring her back, but if he truly has no meds or anything for I am assuming a life threatening kidney condition then that could get DCF involved. HUGS mama and I hope things turn out okay.

    Answer by aeneva at 6:24 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • CPS can not help me they said. In this situation it is better to cut my loses but as a black female it is automatically assumed I am being a 'typical' single mother. When in reality I have true concerns.

    shivasgirl.. I oonly pushed him because I wanted my daughter to know her father. I am the one that made her start calling him daddy and he didnt like it. I wanted hiim to want to be around/ He has no job no money and when i moved his cab to and from her was on me, the outting were on me but in court they say I am keeping her from him because that is what he says. They ask me to document and when I do they do not want to hear but will listen to all he has to say. The only time I kept her from him is when she had a temp of 104 and was at the drs and told him to come by later. But in court I am the one wrong and being difficult.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:27 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • her kidney condition is not life threating but she takes daily antibotics to make sure there is no infection because infection can lead to something worse.

    They told me nothing can really come out of the well check/

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:29 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • gemgem as for the child support.. he is on welfare and makes $200 a month. they would have ordered him to give me $20 a month/ Its not worth risking my life when I make $3000 a month. Child support is not a priority of mine because I have been taking care of her alone with no issues and no support.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:31 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • way too much drama for me today

    Answer by meooma at 7:26 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • dont waste your time commenting though.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:52 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in General Parenting
Bulk tshirts?

Next question overall (Health)
HPV & Cervical cancer