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3 Bumps

I don't approve of my child's friend's parents lifestyle, what to do?

Ok, I know this is going to sound rude and elitists, but I don't have a lot of spare time to word it politely and/or be politically correct .
I put my 6th grader into a new private school recently and he's making a lot of new friends, and it's great that he's become so popular so quickly....that's the GOOD news.

Here's the BAD news...a lot of kids have invited him to parties, sleep overs, etc and he's having a great time....EXCEPT....here it comes....I don't approve of one of his new buddies PARENT'S lifestyle.
I KNOW that sounds awful, but they are just VERY different from us. We are college educated, non smokers, non "cussers" (is that a word? lol), non violent video game, non hunters, dare I say.... "preppies" (< I HATE the word...but it does come fairly close to describing our lifestyle quickly).
They are 180 degrees opposite of us...and not in the good, "look at the new cultural experineces my child will be exposed to" kinda way.

My son's friend is a nice boy, and I've met his parent's a few times and have avoided at them school/social functions.
They are covered with tattoes, smoke, cuss, drive motorcycles, smoke pot (yes, I did go to college...I KNOW what pot smells like! lol) etc., the other parents call them "WTWM" (White Trash with Money, which I find equally appalling to refer to anyone in this manner) ....they just VERY different from us and I don't want my son to be around them or in their home.

Am I being politically incorrect ? YES, I DON'T CARE ! lol

We've had this boy over to our house and made sure he is invited to our parties and evetns, etc., as to not to feel excluded (after all, it's not the childs fault that was the lifestyle he was born into, and he does seem to have "unhappiness" around him and seems a little sad and lonely...... but the issue is.....the child is beginning to ask why my child can't go over to his house?

How do I handle this without hurting the boy's feelings?

I've explained a FEW of the reasons to my son can't go to this kid's house, and my son "gets it "  (he seemed a little relieved actually, I think he was a little nervous about going there too) ....but....

WHAT DO I DO ABOUT THE OTHER BOY?

I can't use the "my son has allergies" to your dog excuse, because he's been to the parties , etc., at other boy's houses where this boy was and those other friends have dogs too. 

I could use some advise on how to handle this situation and PLEASE don't just LECTURE and/or point put spelling/grammar errors and/or tell me I'm being a snob, etc. (it's not only unproductive, but  a waste of time!) ...

.I'm just looking for SERIOUS solutions here !

Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy life to read about mine!

_________________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: To all of those who have decided it is your "duty" to lecture me about the many "wonders'  and the "fabulous" lifestyle

of bikers, smoking, tatooes, etc., you are just wasting your time!

After I read the  few words of these lectures, I can see where the post is going and I  just stop reading and move on to the next....so you are TRULY just wasting your time by writing them to me!  But I will give you a polite "cut and paste" repsonse...so you have that to look forward to !  lol

AGAIN....My decision has been made and my child will NOT be going to the other boys home, so I am looking for solutions as to how to handle the situation in a diplomatic way and I am NOT looking to be lectured....

Bottom line...if those of you who  feel that  the above mentioned situation is a healthy environment for YOUR children...you are WELCOME to drip YOUR kids off at any bikers home that YOU choose to.....MY child will NOT be allowed in that type of environment....

And to those "adults" who have been calling me names? REALLY ?

Don't you think that name calling makes YOU look like a FOOL ? So.....GROW UP !

Now.... can we please just move along to the issue at hand ?

To those to have taken their time to write HELPFUL suggestions to me.... THANK YOU and I'm considering all of them and trying to at least reply in kind.

To those of you who have given me a kind, "pat on the back" for being a good parent....THANK YOU VERY MUCH....I'm trying, but it's tough in this very hostile world we live in....all we can really do is guide and protect our childeren and keep them in a SAFE and mentally healthy environment and show them positive role models, as much as we can until they go off to college. (But after reading some of the posts from "adults" on here....looks like the job is going to be even more difficult  than I thought it was ! LOL)

 

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:52 PM on Mar. 18, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (68)
  • Just to follow up my posting I thought I share this article. GL


    And You Thought Second-Hand Smoke was Bad?

    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 7:31 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • He's getting to an age where picking his friends is going to be harder for you to be involved with. Instead of fighting it why not use it as a learning opportunity. I way to hammer home some of your choices ie: smoking, motorcycle safety, etc. Just because people have tattoos doesn't make them bad...it only makes them different from you. This isn't a cookie cutter world. We have to learn to live with all different types of people in our lives. I get it..they are soooo different from you and allow or do things you don't approve of. I just think teaching acceptance is a better life lesson. You don't have to approve of their lifestyle. Tell your son he can't go to their house because they smoke and you don't want him exposed to second hand smoke. Forbidding him from seeing a 'sweet boy' might bit you later when you really want to forbid a violent or drug using kid. JMHO.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:00 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • how do you know they do drugs? or that their guns if they own them aren't secured??? or that they're wtwm?? how do you know they aren't hardworking down to earth good people who save and scram to send their son to a better school?
    gonefishin

    Answer by gonefishin at 8:24 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Sorry, but you do sound like a snob. You are completely judging this family on how they look...being "bikers". That's just sad and you're teaching your child to judge, too. You don't know if they're doing drugs or anything else out of the "norm" (whatever that is). If I was this other boy's parents I probably wouldn't want my kids playing with yours. He might get the idea that his family isn't good enough for you.
    Otherwise just keep coming up with more and more excuses and lies to tell this little boy so you don't have to come right out and say that you don't like the way his family lives because you are better than they are.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 8:47 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • If the friend isn't a bad influence, I would go so far as to say that the parents aren't either- they did after all, raise the boy.

    You don't have to approve, but it doesn't make them wrong either.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 8:06 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Have you actually had a sit down conversation with his mom/parents? Do truly know they ARE bad influences? Like ObbyDobbie said, they did raise the "sweet" boy after all. Appearances can be deceiving. IMO everyone deserves the benefit of a doubt. I'm just saying maybe instead of avoiding them, maybe you should try to get to know them before passing judgment and not going by what others call them. Just because someone smokes, cusses, drive motorcycles, and has tattoos doesn't make them bad people.
    mommy_jules

    Answer by mommy_jules at 8:32 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

  • Just because someone smokes, has tattoos, and have harleys doesn't mean they are druggies and are not good Parents, maybe you should take the time to get to know these people instead of judging them right away because of how they look. I hate to say it but your teraching your son to judge others because of how they appear on the outside, you haven't gotten to know them well enough to make that judgement.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 9:55 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I know your're only tyring to protect your child but you do sound like a classist snob. what was up with the ' they are bikers but somehow they have money' comment? Riding a motorcycle and having tattoos doesn't mean you cant have any money. Im not sure why you would think that. How do you think they afford those things? Moreover, none of those things makes someone a bad person.

    Now, if you have a problem with them smoking or cursing around your son that's one thing. But dont try to act like you are better than these people because you dont ride a bike or have any tattoos.
    amgillis88

    Answer by amgillis88 at 10:12 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • And wtf ' possibly drugs in the home'??? Why because tattoos and bikes MUST also mean drugs and alcohol? Please lady. I hope your son doesn't turn out as sheltered and niave as you.
    amgillis88

    Answer by amgillis88 at 10:17 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Or white trash for that matter.
    mommy_jules

    Answer by mommy_jules at 8:34 PM on Mar. 18, 2011

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