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11 Bumps

Husband going to jail adult content

Well I'm sure that got your attention. I guess I just wanna vent or something. I'm feeling lower then low. I'm divorcing my husband and he's got a warrent for his arrest. Not to go into all the details, but the reason for the divorce and the warrant is he was basically chatting & using webcam with underage girls. I was shocked when I found out & filed for divorce. I've come to terms & I'm doing alright these past few months. I feel I'm doing the right thing to keep myself & my children safe, regardless of some people at church telling me I should 'stand by him'. But what I'm bumming about is I feel really unattractive & depressed honestly. Finding out that he was doing that behind my back so long kinda made me feel I did something wrong, or wasn't good enough. IDK. Or I think when people hear about what he was doing they think geez she may not be any good. I know I shouldn't feel this way but it's hard to not. I mean how else am I supposed to feel when the man that I was sleeping with for so long was getting his rocks off on the internet. Anyone got any ideas of bring some cheer to me? =( I'm not even interested in finding a man or anything like that. At this moment my concern is just taking care of my family and making sure we have a good life. But I'd also like to somehow get my confidence back that I had before all this came about. Thanks

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:20 AM on Mar. 19, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • 1st .... concern is just taking care of my family and making sure we have a good life.

    2nd.... But I'd also like to somehow get my confidence back that I had before all this came about

    you are perfect in your thoughts, also perfectly normal to think others may judge his actions by your self worth=normal for you to feel this way, BUT not normal for others to think this=it is just part of the hurt in what you found out about HIM, it has no barring on your self worth, but ok and normal to feel this at start of healing path, also noraml to feel no one will ever want a woman who had a man like this, again normal for you to feel this, not ok for others to think this

    i was in a situation that he was doing things that crossed sexual boundaries - i can relate, i am almost 6 months further down road than you, IM me if you would like a shoulder, at 6 months i am still not dating, but no longer have feeling that i am unworthy
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:15 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I was mentally abused by my x and that was 20 years ago but I still have issues with self esteem and other issues. You need to talk to someone a pastor good friend or family member and have them help you through this. It is a rough time ahead of you but just know that you are worth the effort and you are a great person it was not you he had his own issues. I will pray for you and your children. Just do not forget to remind your self you are worth it and an awsome person.
    nanny29

    Answer by nanny29 at 12:26 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • First and foremost I think you did the right thing.  I can see where in that situation I might be feeling unpretty and depressed.  He is SICK.  You did nothing wrong.  You have no reason to feel badly about yourself, that should be HIM.  Don't let anyone or anything make you feel less than.  He has a problem and it had nothing to do with you. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 12:29 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I didn't even have to finish reading your post to think my hell she is me to a "t" only his was for cheating with men and his arrest was for domestic violence. I felt the same way you did and I had a great friend tell me just the other night that every once in a while it's okay to do something for you! If your not happy in the marriage you need to GET OUT! I feel unattractive too like holy cow 3 of my crushes from high school are gay and now my husband? If you need anything feel free to contact me!
    Heidikans

    Answer by Heidikans at 12:26 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Like MrsHouston said... you didn't do anything wrong, he did. He is probably attracted to young girls because they are vulnerable and he is a predator.
    If it were me, I would seek counseling.... to help put things in perspective, and so you don't beat yourself up over his problem.
    ((HUGS))
    brandyj

    Answer by brandyj at 12:36 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • seek counseling hon..
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 4:31 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Hugs. Must be awful and I can imagine the shame and guilt you must feel. But you are absolutely right that you are being unfair to yourself by feeling the way you do. Hell, stuff happens, in life. Get past it. Live. Love. Have fun. Life is too short to suffer with those sorts of feelings plagueing you, don't let it. Don't let his past hold you back. Chin up, girl. You deserve to be happy. Know it. Live it.
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 12:28 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • OMG ???

    Do you have children with him ?

    Take them to the Doctor and make sure he has not molested them !!!

    Leave HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NO GOOD S.O.B.(him not you)
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 1:00 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • ***hugs*** im so sorry this is happening to you! thats horrible, to find out and to be anywhere near apart of. i cant even imagine the torment you must be going through. It is not your fault in any way!! it is not you, its him. i think you are doing you and your kids right by leaving him. some men need to feel like they are attractive, so they go for younger girls. i think its sick though. the best thing you can do for yourself, is go out and get some cute dresses and shoes, some new makeup, and even if you dont leave the house, play dress up and sing to your fav songs and eat ice cream. thats what i do :) you are a beautiful woman, strong and caring! ***hugs!!***
    Arretsmomma5

    Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 3:49 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • i can kinda understand the whole not feeling attractive thing... BUT! think abut it- he got off on underage girls! personally, i wouldnt want to be with a "man" who got off on that! i think i'd feel more of a disgust towards and a "wow, i'm better than you" thing
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 12:09 PM on Mar. 19, 2011