Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Question for the women who don't want to or have little sex with their SO

This question has nothing to do with myself, but I have 2 friends who are my age and have no interest in being intimate with their men at all. I am 44, in case you're wondering. Anyways my question is, if you are in the same situation, even if not same age, why do you not want to be intimate with him? I listen to my friends talk and then ask them, if you continue in this fashion with your SO, how do you expect him not to look elsewhere for it, if you're so unwilling? I don't know just my thought but I think intimacy is a huge part of a relationship and cannot see why a woman would not think its important. Your thoughts???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:35 AM on Mar. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • For me, sex just isn't all it's cracked up to be. I rather have great sex or none at all, period.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • After our first son I barely ever wanted to have sex. It caued alot of problems in our relationship. Not having sex made my SO feel unwanted and that led to resentment that showed up over even the littlest things. I just didn't want it though. It was almost like a chore. Maybe I was depressed or too stressed out, I don't know. I didn't feel attractive and I got annoyed when he came on to me. I'm happy to say that this has passed for us. After our second was born I didn't want to fall into the same rut. I read somewhere that the more sex you have, the better your sex drive will be and applied that theory with much success. Tell your friends that maybe if they sucked it up for now they would begin to enjoy it more. Because intimacy IS a big part of relationships, whether people want to admit it or not. Sexual satisfaction ensures you remain a team. It sounds superficial maybe, but it a scientifically proven fact.

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 8:53 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I was in a relationship and he was the one who did not want to have sex. It was important to him but it is to me. Ten years without has taught me to get what you want you have to get it. I will be forty this year.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:58 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Sorry it was not important to him.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:00 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Physical bonding should be the third and final step in the sealing of the marital relationship. In today's society, the physical is usually the first and only step that ever happens, and we call that bonding, which it really isn't. When bonding occurs in the proper sequence, the physical is more or less just icing on the cake of marriage and all that it involves. Once the first two steps have been omitted and couples have gone directly to the third, it is almost impossible to regain what has been lost in the process. When the physical is all there is, it soon loses its appeal for either one or both of the spouses. There is a lack of communication on the other two levels and one or the other spouse begins to feel angry, resentful, or just plain tunes out. The only clue is the lack of interest in physical expression. Some couples are able to go back and fix the problem. Most simply don't know it exists.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:40 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I never say no, but I never initiate. I don't like sex...with anybody. I feel violated. Thankfully, DH isn't very sexual and we only get intimate every 4-6 weeks. I would much rather DIY!

    Answer by ashisamom at 10:27 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • When I was with my XH, I didn't want sex at all. In the beginning, I did. Then once I got pregnant, it was all about his wants and needs. He wouldn't help me even tie my shoes which made me not want to do anything for him...that included being 'free' with him to have sex.

    Because my emotional needs weren't being met, I couldn't bring myself to have sex or even want it.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:49 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.