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My DS is ruining my DD's B-day.

No, I don't really mean that and yes I do love him, but sometimes he drives me crazy. My ds, 12 has Asperger's. Tomorrow is his 7 yr old sister's birthday. So now he has to remind me over and over and ove r that We HAVE TO have a party and we have to have chocolate cake and icecream, etc. He's stuck. He already has in his mind what we are SUPPOSE to do and I get to listen to him whine.

We were going to do the party next week so we would have the money and time to do more. (dh needs to work) We were going to do it really nice for her and get Strawberry frosting for her cake. (not chocolate, like your suppose to @@) She would be ok with having it a week late, she gets what she wants.)

But no. Dh and I can't take it anymore. We're wondering if we should just suck it up, have the party tomorrow even though we won't do much, just so ds calms down and doesn't totally ruin things for the other kids.

This is just so dang fusterating and no amount of talking of explaining things to him helps. The calendar says it's her birthday so we have to do things a set way. @@

I'm going to go beat my head on a wall now...........

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on Mar. 19, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • Part of dealing with an Aspie Child is that they have to learn how to cope with things when they don't go their way....and this sounds like a perfect moment for that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I have no experience with this, but I will send my support your way.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 10:06 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • It's her bday, not his. There is no point in ruining her birthday party so he can get his way. My husband has Aspergers and although he doesn't fuss about his siblings bday parties (teehee...not at this age), he has certain ways he thinks people should act too and I totally get what you are going through. Sometimes Aspie's expectations for themselves AND others are too much.

    He might be hard to handle for the next week or so, but don't let him ruin this special moment for her. I think I would still remember if my parents changed MY party at 7 cause my brother wanted them to.

    Answer by VintageWife at 10:08 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I agree with VintageWife and anon. I have a child on the spectrum and a neurotypical child. I understand how hard the balance can be. But you need to make your daughter's day as special as she wants it. It is HER day not your son's. Like the pp said. I expect that your son will be difficult for a few days, but he needs to understand (and yes, it is possible) that the world is not about him and other people have feelings and need to have their wants and needs met. Explain to him that it is her birthday and this is what she wants. I know if it were my son it would be stated a million times. "Who's birthday is it?" "yes, it's your siblings and what does your sibling want?". It's exhausting, but it's what needs to be done sometimes.

    Answer by layh41407 at 10:24 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Could you have a "family party" on her actual birthday (with the regular party as scheduled) ? Blow up a couple of balloons and a streamer or 2 and chocolate cake. That way you are celebrating the actual day. I don't have a kid with aspergers so I dont know if it would be helpful or not.

    I do know that no matter who you are dealing with, to completely change the party to his specs just reinforces bad behavior because you prove it works.

    Answer by pammomof9 at 1:46 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Sounds frustrating. I have a 10yo that ruins her younger sister's birthday every year. She is not autistic. She just has behavior problems. Every year she throws a huge tantrum on her sister's birthday (there is 2 years between them). She demands to have gifts for her, threatens her sister, steals her new toys, hits her when she won't hand them over, screams at us all saying we hate her because her sister got something she wanted and she got nothing. It's crazy. She's been sent to her room on several birthdays while we've had cake because of her behavior. She does it to her other sister, too (who is almost 6 years younger). When the youngest turned 3 she screamed at the top of her lungs for 20 minutes because she couldn't go in when the little one picked out her gift at toys r us. I mean SCREAMED until she lost her voice. It happens every year.

    Answer by justanotherjen at 4:55 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

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