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How should I deal with my teen smoking/drug taking.

Hope someone can help me. I found tobacco and papers in my daughter's room today(she is 14) and I don't want to overreact but I want to know what I can do. She has been behaving a bit oddly lately, spending lots of time in her room when she didn't before, lying about where she has been and who she has been with etc, so I am suspecting it could be more than tobacco she is smoking.
I got into heavy drug taking as a teen and my parents tried to stop me by shouting and punishing and it made me worse. What should I do?

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Asked by daisycat78 at 12:37 PM on Mar. 19, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Well, going by your own experience what do you think would work? I think communication can play a big part in this. Emphasize the bad effects and the long lasting ones, depending on what she is using, monitor.

    Answer by older at 12:41 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Call someone at Narcotics Annomyous and ask if you can take her to a meeting or if they have other suggestions. If she could see and hear the stories, it might scare her into being straight.

    Answer by Kimimale at 12:43 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Id sit down and talk to her. If you found papers then you probably caught it early before she could get heavy into anything beyond marijuana or smart enough to hide it better. I would let her know what your experiences were as a teen and what consequences there will be (like rehab, group home etc).

    Answer by gemgem at 12:51 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I have enough of my own stories for that, but she is a typical teen and think she knows better. I have tried talking to her and I haven't shouted or anything,just feel like maybe that is what I should be doing.....
    I work in a high school so I can talk to our drugs councillor next week. Just really don't know the right thing to say to her. I want her to know I don't want her to do it, without being too forceful and making her want to do it more.

    Comment by daisycat78 (original poster) at 12:55 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I am 20 years old. I smoked marijuana at 14 and I only did it once. I told my mom and she didnt yell, fuss, nor punish me. Now it's not about what to do when they're doing it, it's about what can you do to get them to come to you instead of finding it on your own. All the bad I did, I told my mom. It was because she made me feel 100 percent comfortable. She was not the best mom far as financially supporting her family because she is lazy but she showed me nothing but love and support. She told me years in advance I can always talk to her and she will tell me the real not what I need to be told but the real from a perspective of others. I would say for you to do the same with your daughter. I am not sure what you have already done, or how you have already done it but before taking her issues to the public I advise you to strongly try to keep them in the home first. You are a good parent do not doubt yourself, follow ur instinct

    Answer by ohprettymommy at 1:42 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I also want to add that when I did other drugs as I got older my mother had the same reaction. BUT I feel she messed up at telling me the consequences and downfalls of these drugs. My step mom recently told me and now I'm 20 she scared me from ever touching a drug again with a little research from her phone. So I don't want you to think I'm saying go easy on her because my mom went toooooo easy on me that although she said be careful I didn't know why to be careful so I still did it. I wasn't addicted I just experienced about 4 times but if I knew what my step mom told me I wouldn't have experienced at all. Another tip I would say is both you and her should research ALL drugs together. Let her know you aren't just trying to be controlling but drugs really are no joke and you want your little girl alive, safe, and healthy so she won't even attempt the heavy stuff.
    Goodluck, I can only imagine how you feel.

    Answer by ohprettymommy at 1:46 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I know a good movie that will scare the crap out of anyone. It's called "Through a Blue Lens". It is a documentary done in Quebec Canad about Heroin addicts that live on the streets. In Canada, it is not illegal to be in possesion of drugs, so the police take a different approach to the addicts. They try and get them into rehab. It is VERY graphic, very heartbreaking, and very scary.

    I think you need to sit down with her and be brutally honest about what drugs do to a person. Not just their bodies, but their lives and their families lives. There is TONS of information online to help.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:22 AM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • First off I think you need to sit her down and have a non judgemental discussion. Find out if she is just experimenting or is she using on a regular basi? Have a discussion with her and listen to what she has to say. I think there is a big difference between experimentation and using regularly. Good luck, I know it's not easy.

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 9:29 AM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • When I found out that my dd had been drinking/smoking I had an open conversation. It started calmly but didn't end that way! Yes, I yelled and cried and all that drama I am famous for, But I told her I knew what was going on and I couldn't stop it. This was up to her. If I thought she was over doing it I would have a problem with that. I know that most kids drink/smoke. do I agree,Hell No. But if I want to keep my dd safe I have to acknowledge it and tell her I did the same thing. Which I did, My parents never said anything because they never knew. Never did they ask me a question, and if they did I lied. That is not how I want my girls to be with me. I know that when she is at certain peoples houses and if she is staying over, there will be drinking. She NEVER drinks and drives.. I know this is not for everyone, but for us it works. I won't be the mom with her head in the sand.

    Answer by wallmom1 at 1:05 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • I caught my son at 14 chewing tobacco, I also didn't want to yell, scream or throw a fit because it knew it was going to be helpful. I simply told him I was very disappointed, that I thought I had done a better job at teaching him to make good choices. We talked again about the dangerous of tobacco, not only physical and healthywise, but also what happens down the road as far wasting money on it and what happens if the school finds out. I showed him pictures online of mouth cancer. He apologized to me but I told him I didn't need or want an apology it was his body he was ruining not mine. It seemed to work for a while, until I caught him again (I have no idea if he had stopped or not). The second time he was grounded and I made it a trust issue and his inability to make good decisions and that its illegal. Finally I told him if he still felt a need to ruin his health he wasn't doing it in my house.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 12:35 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

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