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What can I say to my 11 year old son who was told he was ugly by girls at an outing. They were ignoring him and giving a ton of attention to his friend. His feelings were hurt and now he is down on himself. I don't get it, he is a good looking kid but very shy and the other boy the girls were giving the attention to is an attention seeker. How can I make him understand?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Mar. 19, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (9)
  • Kids are cruel. They often say things they don't mean. Find things to praise about him. If those girls would say things like that to him, they are not worth worrying about. Apparently they don't care if they hurt someones feelings. Not the kind of friends I would want my son or daughter to have.

    Answer by Kimimale at 1:42 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • You just tell him he is young and some times girls like more out going kids, but when you grow up things change and everyone comes into their own at different times. My son was a chubby kid at 11, and now he is all buff and "totally hot" according to the messages he has on face book LOL.

    Answer by gemgem at 1:44 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • there are very shallow idk how to get his confidence back show his pic around and see if a pretty girl will tell him hes hott :D

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 1:49 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I would say help him work on his self esteem compliment all the awesome things he does. Sometimes what moms or dads say don't count to our kids at all they just go by what everyone else says. Let him know that someday a girl is gonna fall head over heels in love with him, and that is what counts!

    Answer by MarGeee at 2:02 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • tell him body types and looks change.. those pre budding girls will normally end up chunky, those skinny boys, normally stay scrawny and girls loose interest.
    point out features that will never change and make him more and more attractive as he gets older.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 2:21 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Thank you for all your advice. I just do not want to say the wrong things, this is such a sensitive area for middle school kids. They all just want to be liked and feel like they fit in.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:21 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Continue say positive things to him and letting him know that right now girls should be the last thing on his mind. Try to refocus his attention on other things like sports and doing kid stuff. I work with this age group of kids and they can be really mean to eachother. I often do exercises where we list all the things we like about ourselves and then the things we would like to change. Then we talk about the things we would like to change and find out why we feel we should change those things. It is very important to continue to boost his self esteem and let him know that those girls who are treating him like this aren't worth his attention anyway. He should strive to be better than the little boy who seeks attention and just continue being himself. If he gets involved in doing other things this won't even matter to him anymore. Good luck!

    Answer by Crimsonpope31 at 9:58 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • That is really sad that they would be that mean. He is still young though. Right now he should focas on sports and school, He has his whole life ahead of him to be girl crazy. There will be alot of girls in is life, some might choose a friend but some will like him. Just encourage him that he is a very handsom, and a bright young man, and soon(too soon for you) some girl will like him and she will be more worth it then the ones that were mean.

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 1:27 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • My son was recently teased at school because of his "Justin Bieber" haircut. (The girls LOVE it, LOL some of the boys pick on him about it.) I asked him if HE likes his hair and he says he does, so I told him to just ignore the teasing and tell them that he likes his hair and doesn't need anyone's approval. Basically just encouraging him to be true to himself and not worry so much about what others think.

    Answer by papayaprincess at 10:58 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

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