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How can i deal with my toddler who's greiving?

Recently we've lost a great grandmother, a grandma and a grandpa on my daughters dads side of the family. It was all in a short month. My daughters great-grandma passed away the end of october, then in november her grandma passed away. this was all unexpected. My daughter used to go to her grandparents every weekend before her grandma passed. Her grandpa is no longer in the picture due to the fact that her father and i both agree that he's not stable, and he chooses to drink alcohol even while she's around. We've asked him repeatedly not to, but he chooses otherwise. lately she's been acting out in anger, lashing out towards others. Saying mean things like " I hate you" or "I don't like you". She's been hitting, biting, and pulling her hair. She hits other people as well. I do not know what to do. Please, help.

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Asked by cayla08 at 11:10 PM on Mar. 19, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 2 (12 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I would call her doctor and ask his/her advice.

    Answer by mommytoJames512 at 11:13 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Id seek a professionals help. She needs it! Sorry your child is going through this. NO child should have to go through that.

    Answer by vbruno at 11:14 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • i planned on calling her doctor monday... something needs done and fast! i have no idea what to do, i've tried talking to her calm. telling her it's not healthy for her to be doing stuff like that and that it's definately not nice.. i've even told her that it hurts mommy's feelings when she tells me she hates me.. nothing seems to work.. cuddling with her, hugging her etc doesnt even work.

    Comment by cayla08 (original poster) at 11:16 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Sounds like shes just being a toddler, I don't think they grasp the concept of death at that age. Sounds like you more so want this to be and excuse for her behavior rather then excepting she at the bratty age. Make sure she got lots of time to run and playing, and you need to be stern when she does misbehave and make sure she knows it's not aloud. I make mine apologize and sit for about 5 mins. But again they are toddlers they arn't trying to misbehave they just need to be taught boundaries.

    Answer by letlovegrow2524 at 11:22 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I may have the minority opinion here, but I don't think she is reacting to the deaths in the family. She's a toddler, they don't have a sense of time yet. For all she knows, she's going to see her loved ones tomorrow. I think she is going through a phase. Toddlers do that. Frequently. Perhaps she is picking up on YOUR sadness. That would be upsetting to any child.

    Answer by Inloveagain at 11:23 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I think you need to get down to her level and ask her questions. Ask her how she feels and why. She is going through normal feelings but she needs to know how to deal with this. I'm so sorry for your loss... God Bless

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 11:25 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Encourage her to draw pictures about how she's feeling and then talk about those feelings. Also, maybe take some time to do mother/daughter things like getting manicures and talk about how she feels. Let her know that there are many ways to express her feelings apporpriately and try modeling some of that for her. It is probably too soon for grief counseling but you can certainly help her begin to process what has been happening in her family. Attend to her statements about hating others and not liking others and try to find out why she doesn't like them or why she hates them. Maybe you can help her learn how to express her true feelings. There is a book called "Mood Swings" you can get from your local Walden or Books-A-Million. It is a flipchart that has the different moods on it. Let her show you how she feels and talk about it. Good luck and I am so sorry for you loss.

    Answer by Crimsonpope31 at 11:32 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • I have a 2yr old and she doesn't speak that well yet. Then again, she might be the exception. But the even the youngest of children sense when their family routine is disrupted and those around them experience emotional upset. But they rewally do not get the concept of death. Thre only thing u can do is too keep her surroundings and schedule close to normal u can be.

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 11:50 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • Children react to grief in very different ways than adults. They don't cry and get depressed . . . they act out or start having stomach aches or regress the potty-training.
    There's a wonderful book called, "When Someone Very Special Dies", and it has helped lots of toddlers and kids.
    I wouldn't worry too much about the negative statements . . . they are probably just a symptom.
    Lots of love and lots of postive role-modeling regarding grief, and she (and the family) will make it through.
    Hugs mama . . .

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 11:59 PM on Mar. 19, 2011

  • talk to her doctor and see what they say it is hard to know at that age what is going on in their mind

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 9:17 AM on Mar. 20, 2011

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