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What do I say to my step child?

This weekend we were to go drive 6 hours to see my step daughter... yes, that is how far she lives from us. We haven't seen her in a long time and we were lookin forward to going. Unfortunately a huge problem occurred yesterday involving family members of mine that caused us all to currently live in fear. Gang retaliation. Also, the cost of gas has gone up so much that it will cost us approx. $300 in gas with the old car we have. We are struggling just to survive. I very truly wanted to go see her, but this weekend turned out to be a disaster. Well, she posts a comment on facebook of how sad she was that we didn't come. My heart is broken and I know not what to say. She wouldn't answer the phone either.... it was her 18th birthday this past week. I know there just arent any excuses and we feel like crap. We should I say to her?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:08 AM on Mar. 20, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • They say that kids don't understand disappointment, but neather do most teens. My ss real mom always disappoints him and he n ever wants to listen to why. To a teen or kid a promise is a promise, all you can do is try to make it up to her. Show her that just becouse there is a long distance between you n her it doesn't mean you don't care of think about her. She is getting older but all kids just want to know that all their parents love them, even their stepmom. Sometimes being a stepmo is harder then being mom.

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 1:42 AM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • You tell her the truth of what happened. She is an ADULT now and needs to be treated like on and to act like one. Yes, she is disappointed but she needs to learn that things happen that are out of people's control. Pick another weekend to spend with her.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:10 AM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • She'll probably get over it, if she cares about you as much as you care about her. She's just having a hard time dealing with her hurt right now. Be patient with her and make sure it doesn't escalate into a fight.

    Answer by judimary at 12:18 AM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • She was probably looking forward to it as much as you were. Would a bus ticket been cheaper? Or, each of you could have met half way and had dinner together. We do this with my sister and she lives three hours away. You wouldn't use as much gas and you can spend a while together.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:45 AM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • There were unforseen circumstances. We love you, wish you the best, you are a great girl. Sorry we couldn't be there.

    Answer by Kimimale at 12:11 AM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • she wouldn't answer her phone, so I left the reason on a msg on facebook. Shes mad because she would have liked to have known a couple of days ago. A couple of days ago, the plan was still on til late yesterday... Shes just really mad, I told her the truth and shes not having it. All of it just really sucks...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:13 AM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Aw, tell her honestly how very disappointed you are too, and that you really wanted to go. :/ Try to make another time.

    Answer by judimary at 12:16 AM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • All of you are sure right!!! Being a step mom is sure tough! I love this girl as much as if she were my own. But as most kids with divorced parents, they don't see the reason you weren't able to go, just the fact that we didn't go. I am soooo broken hearted that she doesnt want to talk to us. I hate the distance I hate this stupid economy and I hate never having the ability to just get up and go. I think we lost this battle.... I hope she forgives us someday. Her graduation is coming up in June and I told my husband, her father, that we will beg, steal and borrow to make sure our butts are up there for her. Im not gonna miss this one again....

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:31 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Why do you live so far? Did she move with mom or did dad move away? Just because she turned 18 last week doesn't mean she will all of the sudden act like an adult. She is probably hurt that her dad didn't come an see her. You and her dad need to do everything you can to make this right

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:14 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Jls...they DIDN'T do anything wrong on purpose. I realize (from personal experience with a stepbrat, long story) that they don't act like adults when they turn 18-but that's not an excuse to let her throw a tantrum without saying SOMETHING to her. Stepdaughter is plenty old enough to realize life happens, even if she is dissappointed, and she is old enough to learn how to be gracious.

    Answer by purplerobin at 10:44 PM on Mar. 20, 2011