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2 Bumps

Advice.

I need some advice. My husbands cousin. Who we are close with. Who I went to High school with and have many mutual friends with dated this girl for 7 years. We grew close with her the whole family, I included. They have recently broke up, and for good I think. She has secretly in private been dating another fellow, and he is very openly been dating another girl. He finds nothing wrong with delivering the news of a new girlfriend just 2 months after them breaking up Via Facebook with kissing photos.. you know very PDA. This irritates me as his main reason for breaking up was that his anxiety was getting so bad. This is a guy who couldn't even have a drink because of his anxiety. This is a guy who never took his girlfriend of 7 years out to dinner or anywhere because he had such tremendous anxiety. This has been an excuse he has given for while now. One of the reason he states is why he dropped out of school to begin with.

I think that after dating someone for 7 years, she saw my husband and I get married and have a child and we were together for less than 3 years. I think she felt like come ON I need you to make a commitment. She thought "I kind of think we need to make the next step in our lives but we can't because you can't keep a job".... you still live in your Mothers basement kind of deal. Which has been a long standing joke amongst the family that he has a tendency to not keep a job, sleep all day and hang out in the " cave" so to speak which he refers to as well. I think he felt this pressure and needed to get away and find another person who didn't put so much on his shoulders.


I recently voiced to her my feelings on his moving on with another girl, and how it upsets me that we won't be seeing her as much anymore. That it hurts to see him with someone else, but that I know that it isn't my business 'but that I can't help but be angry at him for moving on and being so showing about it. I told her we have many awesome memories that we will always have and hope we may always remain like family and close friends. It has to be said that we spent a great deal of time with Him and her. It truly is a hard thing for me to see him kissing another girl. Going out having drinks with her, wining and dinning this other person.. anyways.. I said to her I think that this is great she has found someone and is moving on. I am happy that she is happy. She is welcome in our home anytime. I also made the comment " look on the better side you won't have to raise your family in your in laws basement" ...

So seeing my husbands cousin yesterday, we didn't really speak, but his father, my husbands uncle and I were sitting talking about how not having her and him together anymore sucks. He told me he knew what I had said about him living in his parents basement forever.. Which were not really my exact words, but whatever close enough..

I thought to myself. I stuck up for her?!?! Did she really go tell him I said that?? I guess the lesson is " If you don't have anything nice to say than don't say it at all." I just feel bad he knows I said that. Most of all really hurt that I have put myself out there my feeling and she twists things.


my question is: How should I go about addressing this with her? Should I speak with her and how she used my words I said in anger to get even with him? should I just confront her and tell her how I feel?.. Or should I let it be?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Mar. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • She must have told her EX my husbands cousin that I said that why else would my husbands uncle bring it up? I feel really sad she has gone and told him.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:54 AM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • She probably said it to him as a dig. She probably felt like you had her back so she felt comfortable enough to use what you said in defense of herself to him. It's childish but I'm sure she was hurt through all of it, and felt like you were upset with him as well... It's just a guess, but I wouldn't let it bother you too much. They both seem to have moved on, and if he took offense to it, then it seems he knows he's a deadbeat and needs to man up, get a job, and get out on his own.. IMO anyway.. Good for you BTW for being a good friend to her.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:59 AM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Let it be. It's the truth, no matter how it was delivered.
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 12:24 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • You don't. You learned the valuable lesson of not saying anything about someone that you wouldn't say to their face. There was a family friend that was kind of grilling me about a family situation, and another comment I had made about my MIL's and dh's relationship. It got back that she repeated what I said, with her own spin on it. Lesson learned, she is a two faced, backstabber: I will never speak of anything with her except weather and sports lol. Just let it go and know she can't be trusted.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 1:14 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • well, I understand you are upset, but you are the one that made the comment, and sometimes it comes back to slap you in the face. The GF may have told him, she may not. who knows what really happened. if she did say this too him then maybe she said it in anger, who knows.
    I think you should just let it go. if you consider her a friend and what to see her then fine. But I would let the subject drop about who said what.
    Over time I think it will probably be forgotten anyway.

    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 3:14 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Be true to the one that you care for the most. And avoid the one that put you in trouble. And live and learn.
    xochitle

    Answer by xochitle at 4:34 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • i would let it go, she was just trying to get back at her ex by stating the obvious. i totally agree with mrsleftlane.
    Arretsmomma5

    Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 1:40 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

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