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2 Bumps

It's Complicated!!!

After 8 years (off and on) and two kids with my SO, we are still in-love and have amazing sex. The problem is, He does NOTHING! He doesn't work, he plays video games all day, he doesn't cook, clean ANYTHING. I come home from my internship (which is an unpaid internship) and he's sleeping half the time. Well I rent a condo from this really nice lady whose working with us on the rent, and the other day he gets arrested (on a minor warrant) and she calls me concerned. It seems like everything I do, he sabotages in some way! He's sitting in jail right now and I honestly want to tell him that this just may not work out. I feel like I just can't get ahead with him, he has no drive, no discipline and is just lazy!  But, It's hard out there and I understand that relationships include sticking by your SO side.   As far as the realtionship itlsef there are no other quarrels, but I don't know if he understands that we are almost homeless here..... Any advice on how that conversation should go?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on Mar. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Do not pay for his bail and do not let him back in your house unless he is helping. Great sex is not worth supporting him for the rest of his life, and how long is it really going to stay good if he is doing nothing but sitting on his a$$.
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 12:47 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Whats that book and movie I can do bad all by myself I felt that way and now I am moving out of my exes house in April. I would sit down and write what is good and bad and figure how much your willing to give up or do to hold him up? You like myself deserve better and only you will know if this is worth it.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:49 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Sounds pretty cut and dry to me, not complicated at all - ditch him! Why would you want to be with a person like that? So sex is amazing; if sex is the only thing a "relationship" is based on, it's not a relationship at all. You're only fooling yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • I'd say it's time to cut your losses. If he hasn't made any effort to contribute in 8 years, it's unlikely he ever will. You need a partner, not another dependent.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 12:50 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Leave him and DONT look back!! 8 years? REALLY?? No job? never does anything? And you stay because the sex is amazing? Grow some self esteem girl! A blind person can see how bad this looser is using you!!
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 12:52 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • No it's been since August that he hasn't had a job, he has been a great supporter in the past but not since he moved back in with me. He says he's looking for work but where i'm from men take care of the household, period.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:54 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • I completely understand about having amazing sex, but sex is not worth your financial, emotional and physical well-being
    MChildressDem

    Answer by MChildressDem at 12:57 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Lay it on the line. Tell him that he can either grow up and pull his weight or out the door he goes. TEll him you are not his mother and it is not your responsibility to feed and clothe him or pay his rent. If he does not change then move on. You deserve better.
    berryhappy1971

    Answer by berryhappy1971 at 1:00 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Honestly, it's not the sex that's keeping me... it's the fact that we have two kids, and i'm in love with him. That's what makes the situation complicated. He's great with the kids, and they are totally in-love with him too.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:02 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • This sounds familiar. My kids' 'father' was very much the same way, although he was rather a lot worse it seems. I was with him on and off for ten years before it finally ended. As you said, a situation like that is complicated, and there's no way anyone on here can say definitively which course of action is best for you without being in your shoes. The only advice I would offer is that you have to consider what will be best for you in the long run. That may mean leaving your SO. Either way I think you need to be very honest with him about your situation and how you're feeling.
    lytate95

    Answer by lytate95 at 1:05 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

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