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Should i care?

I’m 22 I have been happily married to my husband for three years. We run our own little successful business from home. So I stay at home with our 19 month old. Here’s the problem…… I look 16 and when I go to play groups all some of the other mothers look at me with pity. Some make comments to me nicely with care but just the same they don’t know. This happens often.

So my question is please being honest. You mothers in your 30s and up when you see someone do you feel sad thinking they may be an unwed or bad mother because they are young or look young? Mothers who are young or look young does this happen to you?

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Nikkisabella

Asked by Nikkisabella at 1:52 PM on Nov. 25, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (13)
  • To add an example my mother and I went out to eat. As we were leaving my mother was holding my daughter a woman said to her “your daughters beautiful”. My mother said “thank you but she is not my daughter she is my granddaughter” Then the woman said “babies having babies I know it must be so hard” My mom is nice she just smiled and continued walking. I was so hurt it just confirmed that people do think that.
    So my question is please being honest. You mothers in your 30s and up when you see someone do you feel sad thinking they may be an unwed or bad mother because they are young or look young? Mothers who are young or look young does this happen to you?
    Nikkisabella

    Answer by Nikkisabella at 1:52 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • I had my first son when I was 22, now I'm 26 with #3 on the way. I'm a stay at home and I tried to find mommy groups in my area but it seemed everyone was older and thought I was just irresponsible for having children that young. Still when I go out I get odd looks from a lot of people, some people are rude about it, others will just ask. I've been told I should be in school not running about with children, I've been asked if I was their nanny. Now that my third is on the way I get a LOT of the poor thing looks. Eventually you get used to ignoring it. In my mother's time no one would have questioned a woman my age having three kids, now we're all supposed to wait until after we've gone to college and had careers! Bah, at least I won't need a walker at my boy's graduations.
    Slinkee

    Answer by Slinkee at 1:57 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • Uhm, I look at "young mothers" and see how they are with their kids. I wouldn't make a comment like the one above. You see some mom's who are either young or just look young and they are acting like teenagers with their kids, but to mom's who are just being good mom's I say....bless you and congratulations that you look so great! Some days, I feel a hundred years old and I am only 33!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • i know what you mean, the youngest ive been accused of is 15 and im 28!
    i have 4 kids but honestly i dont look at young parents and feel sorry for them, i think to myself "i dont know them, so i cant judge!"
    so even if i thought that a young looking mother looks too young to have kids, i dont look at them any different.
    and yeah, i have been told i dont look like i had kids and i think that when people look at me, when i have my kids around, people must think that im way to inexperienced and young!
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 1:59 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • i look young, and get all kinds of looks when me and my two kids go out. im 26 geeze people need to get a grip.
    jbirchard

    Answer by jbirchard at 2:00 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • I'm about to turn 30 and just recently was told I look like a teen mother. I don't look at really young mothers in pity. We have so many oppurtunties and options nowadays. We all make our own decisions for whatever reason. Actually, sometimes I envy young mothers because they're children will be adults while they are still young.
    nwdeserangel

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 2:23 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • Im 25 but I look 17 or 18. I have a 5 yr old and a 4 yr old. Everytime I take them out, people say oh you look so young to have twins. Which one they aren't twins and two I"m not that young. I just wish sometimes people would think before they say something like that because it can seriously hurt to have people say things or look at you with pity. I used to get looks of pity all the time when I lived in japan because everyone thought i was a single mother cuz my husband never went anywhere with us. and that hurts just as much.
    pbryan18

    Answer by pbryan18 at 2:30 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • Ummm im 25 i look younger than you lol....

    You look old to me...sorry
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • I am 31 years old, and when I see a woman who looks young I actually think nothing of it. Age does not make a good Mother. I have friends who are young and have children, that have a better grasp of Motherhood than alot of Mothers I see in their 30's. If I were you I would enjoy the thought every one see you as so young and don't worry about if they think your a good Mother or not, you know who you are, and thats all that matters!
    Mica30

    Answer by Mica30 at 2:52 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • OWN IT! When you are 60 and look 30 or 40 and they are 60 and look 90 you aren't going to mind it at all. You look your age and not like a kid so just don't mind them.
    Geminus

    Answer by Geminus at 3:35 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

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