Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

As a step mom with primary custody of my 11 yr old step son, do I have any rights or do I just get all the responsibility?

Answer Question

Asked by singlemominUSN at 2:26 PM on Mar. 20, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (31 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • If you have custody from a judge you sure DO have rights dear. Get free legal advice from a family law lawyer.

    Answer by vbruno at 2:27 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • His mom gets him every other weekend and he is beginning to not like going out there. I have always respected her wishes and coaxed him into going. This past weekend was his birthday weekend and I wanted to do something special for him AND he wanted to stay here. She agreed two weeks ago and then went behind my back and made different arrangements with my husband, when I confronted he about it. her response was that her and his dad had settled it and I had no say in the matter.

    Comment by singlemominUSN (original poster) at 2:33 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • unfortunately, you just get the crap...especially if your hubby isnt backing you up. If something was to happen to your husband, your ss would go back to him bio mom. I am in this situation myself. I have had custody of ss for 4 years now, his biomom hasnt seen him in that long, or contacted us in over 2years..My ss is mentally challenged because of her abuse, I deal with his issues everyday while she goes to concerts, parties and spends her money on clothes. I spend my money on anti-psychotic meds because she f*d him up so bad. It would be a cold day in hell before my dh went behind my back and set something up with her, and that would also be the LAST day I took responsibility , good luck on this one

    Answer by shivasgirl at 2:38 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Yup, unfortunately you get all the crap and the responsibility and at any minute, unless your step's parents have given up their parental rights, either one of them can step in and overrule you at any time. You need to sit down first with your husband and tell him he needs to step up and start being an active participant in this mess and support you. Then you need to talk to a lawyer and get some guidelines down in writing such as visitations and stuff like that. Take it from someone who lived through it and almost ended up in divorce, if you don't make some very serious changes right now, things are not going to get any better. Good luck!

    Answer by azhlynne at 2:48 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • So I take it his DAD has custody NOT YOU!!!!!! NO, you have no say, you and the MOTHER can agree to whatever you want but if she changes it with his dad, you have no say. Being married to the father doesn't make you the mother.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Does the father have custody or do you actually have custody? I think, if you have not adopted him or at least have some document listing you as a primary guardian, then no, I don't think you have any rights. :( I'm sorry, I hope the three of you find a way to be harmonious and make decisions for your son together.

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 10:33 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Tough question, but I don't believe you have all the rights, if any.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 1:09 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I do beleave you should have all the right, but no you don't. I am my ss primary care taker and have been since he was a baby. His mom moved 3000 miles away and never sees her son, but when it comes down to it I have aways been considered just his stepmom. So yes we take all the responsibity and have no rights. (you do it becouse you love them like they are yours)

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 1:18 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • You don't have custody. Your husband does. The person who screwed up in the situation you described was your husband IF he knew about the arrangements you had already made with BM. Else, if he didn't know, why the heck not? They are HIS children. Not yours. He should be the one handling things with BM.

    Answer by BuddyRoo at 2:10 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.