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Leaving

My 4yr relationship turned abusive 2months ago, I want to leave but he won't let me tak our 2y/o with me if I'm going to a shelter. He doesnt know that I'm planning on going to a battered woman shelter he thinks I'm going to a homeless one. Idon't want him to come after me do I need to press charges against him in order to get a restraining order against him? If I choose to take my son to the Bahamas where my dad lives to get help can he get then police/fbi to require me to turn him back over,since my son was born in the u.s.? Will I have to fight him for custody? or do i automatically have full custody of my son since we're not married?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Nov. 25, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • Darn I posted to your other one and it got deleted. If he is on the BC he has rights. You need to leave when he isn't around or call the police to help you leave to a shelter. You also need to petition the court for help and you don't need a lawyer, GL.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • Are you married? That may have a pull as to whether or not you have to bring the child back to the states, but I don't know.

    When you leave to go to the shelter, do it when he is not home, and take your son with you. He has no say in the matter - he is abusive, and it would be neglectful for you to leave your child there. Start the paperwork now to get your child (and you!) a passport, so that heading over to the Bahama's will be all good and legal.

    Woman's shelters do not have their address' listed, so if you leave when he is not there, he has no way of knowing where you are. You simply can not tell anyone.

    Good luck honey, I am so glad you came to this decision. Have you contacted your father yet? Does he know that you both plan on coming?
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 2:11 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • I honestly can offer you no useful advice but I wanted to wish the best of luck on getting out of such an awful situation.
    Slinkee

    Answer by Slinkee at 2:11 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • Anon, please contact me in private so I can tell you more, but do not remove your son from the states without his fathers permission. This can lead to being charged with kidnapping. If you are in fear for your and your child's safety the best thing for you to do is to go to the Battered Women's Shelter, you cannot tell him the location. Just pack your stuff and go.
    Geminus

    Answer by Geminus at 2:11 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • I would get to the shelter right away. Once you are there file a restraining order. Even if you are not married you will still need to file for official custody of your son and then if you want to take him out of the US you will have to get it approved in court if he objects. If you take him out of the country without filing for legal custody of him then yes, he can insist that he be returned.
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 2:12 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • Call your local domestic violence shelter to see what the laws are in your state or the national hotline about leaving the country with your son. 1-800-799-7233 or www.ndvh.org
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:14 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • My son and I both have us passports and I have a Bahamian one also. My dad will always lend a helping hand I don't have to ask him to come its just a tradition to go around the holidays he'll pay for both our tickets. Im not married but I still don't know the stipulations on taking a us citizen thats a minor out the country when the other parent resides in the us
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • he as the father does have rights you do not automatically have full custody first thing is first get your child and get the hell out of there and go from there the shelter should be able to point you in the right direction. i know it is scary but once you are out of there and start getting answers it will get better. good luck to you and god bless you and your son
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 2:18 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • Do not take your son out of the states....It can lead to a kidnapping charge...
    You can not take your child out of the states...
    Ask a lawyer....they will tell you that....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

  • i responded on your other post. you definitely need to check out the laws, and the women's shelter may help you. my mom's friend's estranged husband disappeared with their child and she was told she could not file kidnapping charges because the father had just as much right to the child as she did... this was about six years ago. this is contrary to what others are telling you regarding his rights, so i don't know... just something to consider. sounds like it would be wise to get some sort of legal record of the abuse together. stay strong.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:24 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

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