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2 Bumps

If you were the one to cheat...

would you go back to your spouse and try to work things out?
i love my husband but not in love with him. he was my best friend and i have ruined things with him. hes willing to take me back but it will be a long road ahead. i have trust issues with him but nothing this bad. i just dont know what to do. my therapist said it is normal to fall out of love with your spouse after time but its more about if you like the person. and i do like my husband. hes not a horrible person, we just fight a lot. but when its good, it was really good. he has communication issues that we never got to focus on in therapy and i think if we focused on that first, things wouldnt have gotten the way they did. i just dont know if this is enough and if i feel like i just am gonna go back bc hes safe and things would be easier. but if things will change, i dont know.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Mar. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • continue with therapy to work the issues you still have out, i think sometimes we all go through periods where we wonder if we love our spouse, i guess you need to look deep down and see what it is you want, its not fair to either one of you if you are staying because it feels safe to you. its really hard sometimes, to be honest i am going through my own issues too, and its so heartbreaking to me, but i know i do love him and we will work this out, but you need to decide what will make you happy. I also think too many people walk away before they even try.

    Answer by jenn4443 at 5:43 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • well i am not the one who cheated..hubby did :( n yes its been hard n we have a long road ahead of us..i have major trust issues now..he sends me pics when hes at work, texts me calls me ect he did the whole online stuff plus tellin a girl that he loved her..he says he never physically cheated but ill never know he hid that online stuff for a wole year before gettin caught so ya..but we BOTH wanna try n make things work. i love him to death n even though hes hurt me so much we dont want to give up on a 9 year relationship n 5 year marrage..not saying that would be the same for u.i gues u just gotta go with what ur heart says. if u dont wanna try then no point in draggin it on right. my hubby also has communication issues.


    Answer by mommyof3_21 at 5:50 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • Do you feel like your only there because it's safe when the bad times are hitting you?  I noticed that every fight, every argument, I'd realize I didn't want to be with my hub.  I was the one who cheated.  My hub made the decision to forgive me.  Make a decision to make your life and the life of your spouse better, and then DO IT.  If he's willing to take you back, then nothing is ruined.  Love doesn't stop just because of pain.  We worked through it on our own and are better people because of dealing with it.  Our relationship is stronger, we get a long.  This is a hard road to travel.  Decide whether you feel it's worth it.  If you can say that you still feel like it's worth it then throw yourself into your relationship.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 5:52 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • I cheated, but there's no way I could have ever made it work with my ex. The relationship was over before I ever cheated and I told him I was going to do it. He was verbally abusive and extremely controlling. He would have let me stay, but we both pretty much detested each other by that point.

    Answer by missanc at 6:16 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • yeah i messed up 1 time & i havent done it since i been doing good

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 6:22 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • it will be hard and take a lot of time, independently and together to make things smooth again. but i have faith in you, you can do it!! there is still love, its just hiding under a steel trap door around your heart. work together on this and he might find the key again. gl

    Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 10:06 PM on Mar. 20, 2011

  • You should just leave, being inlove is key to being happy.

    Answer by jonellg at 1:39 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

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