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What would you do?

Quick background. My brother has always been a liar, a cheater and a theif. He has been in and out of jail for petty things, and for abuse towards his girlfriends along with he was charged with rape. I was in an abusive marriage for 15 years, and my brother knew it, witnessed it sometimes and did nothing to help me. And then when I left, he scolded me for leaving and has remained friends with my ex.

He has a few baby momma's. And always cheats and has girlfriends and he has a wife.

Once he was physically abusive to me when he was a teenager and since then he has been verbally abusive to me. I've allowed him and his wife and kids to live with me 2 years ago for free, and they ran up our bills, trashed our basement apartment and then ran out on us without saying a word.

Everyone else in our family has written him off.

Now, he is dying of cancer. His wife has pending charges against him for abuse, going to court in April. At first I told him he could come live here and I'd take care of him. He was to arrive in 2 weeks.

But, he has began to be abusive to me again, verbally. Calling me names and telling me that I've never done anything for him. When I'm always the one that has gotten him out of trouble. I have 3 children at home. If I bring him here, he is going to turn out lives upside down. If you didn't know him you would think that his behavior is just the cancer. But he has been this way his whole life. (We do not have parents, they died)

I just can't bring him here, I can't lose my job to take care of him and turn my house upside down and risk my children being emotionally scared by his abusive behavior. He is the type of person that always wants more and always does the wrong things.

I of course feel guilt.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:01 AM on Mar. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Is there a hospice you can put him in? We have them here and some of them take you even if you cannot afford to pay. That may be the best place for him.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:03 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • That's okay. No need to feel guilt.......

    Answer by AnuMeha at 8:05 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • guilt eats at you, try to remember that have been there for him as much as you could have been. This may seem very crass, are you sure he is dying of cancer? How long does he have? Can you emotionally subject yourself that time to take care of him? Either way he is not your responsiblity. Is there someplace he could live near you? Hospice centers are only good if someone has a very short time to live he could still get hospice care but from his home. good luck and strength is within you to make the decision that is best for you and your family.

    Answer by lovelife1127 at 8:14 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • You can't allow him to bring that kind of abusive behavior to your home. Instead of guilt spend some time finding another living option for him. Call hospice, home health care, dhhs. They may give you some information on how to begin. I would no let him move back into my house.

    Answer by meooma at 8:17 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I have spoken to his doctor and had the medical records faxed to my home. So he isn't lying about that. Which is unusal. He has an estranged wife, that as far as I'm concerned since she gets the insurance money can take care of him. And he has one of our aunts that has offfered to help him along with me. Looks like it will be just her. I'm going to try very hard not to allow this to eat at me. Because I know I've done the best I can. And I can't sacrifice my children, and my home for him.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:19 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • let the wife with the insurance money take care of it. he has burned all of his bridges by being abusive. he made his bed let him lie in it. you cant allow him to abuse you or your kids. yes you will feel guilty but you have to remeber what kind of person he is and that you have done what you can to help him before and now you just cant do it. its not your job to take care of him.

    Answer by laura970 at 8:31 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I believe family is important, but not more important than your own kids. Don't put them in harms way. Please put them first. Protect your kids.

    Answer by mpeada at 9:22 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Thank you ladies. This kept me up all night last night and although it hurts my heart, I do need to put my kids first.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:23 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

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