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My 17 yr old goes to jail saturday after I go to work

What do I do about this problem? My 17 yr old went to jail saturday evening after I was at work,for shoplifting. I got a call while i was at work and I got off work at midnight,and I picked up my 4yr old,from daycare,and went home.after that she wanted me to bail her out and instead I left her there in pasadena jail,and she would see the judge that sunday morning,and she was released and now she has to be in court in may the 24th,and her 18th . birthday is in april 10th.what should I help her with? I am thinking about her getting a job after school is out,so she can learn how to wrk and make money of her own. Can I get some suggestions on how to deal with this?

Answer Question
 
Aries_1

Asked by Aries_1 at 9:10 AM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (30 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I'm all about the tough love personally but you have to evaluate your own personal situation. Is this the first time she's ever done anything like this or has she been heading down this road a long time? If this isn't the first time then I would probably let her learn a hard lesson here. If it is her first time - what do you think prompted the cry out for attention? why shoplifting? Is it something she needed or did she do it for thrill? All these are questions you should evaluate and parent accordingly. Good Luck Mama - I feel for you I've got one just like her and it's a tough road.
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 9:16 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Really this is a very serious matter. My heart goes out to this one but unable to get to the solution...
    AnuMeha

    Answer by AnuMeha at 9:16 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I was such a troubled teen, I think it is good that you let her sit there. I think a job would be a good idea then maybe she will not steal again. She will probally get a fine and if she does make her pay it herself, do not bail her out. It will teach her that she needs to be responsible for her actions.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 9:18 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • they have middle of the night daycare?

    Anyway, i think her getting a job is good. I'd MAKE her get a job, she may enjoy it. I got caught shoplifting when i was 15 & you can betcha i learned my lesson. I cried & cried to the police officers. i think leaving her in jail was a good idea, it will teach her a thing or two about consequences. I got a job & made pretty goof money when i was out of high school. It was a good feeling to be a but more financially independent. I liked it.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:18 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • We've told our kids that if they ever end up in jail for any reason, that's where they were going to sit. I think you did the right thing. As for getting a job - absolutely! There is no reason what so ever that an 18 year old should be laying around the house doing nothing all summer. I know it's scary to become a 'grown up' but we've all done it and survived. I hope she does well - and learns from this experience.
    mpeada

    Answer by mpeada at 9:32 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I wouldn't jump in and rescue her or tell her exactly what she needs to do, but I would be there with advice if she wants to take it. Ask her what she plans to do, and if she says she doesn't know then ask if she wants to hear your thoughts. If she does want advice, then tell her if you were her you'd call an attorney for a free consultation. The attorney will tell her what her options are and also tell her how much his/her services cost. Don't go with her to see the attorney unless she asks you nicely to go with her. I also wouldn't offer to pay for the attorney; I'd ask her how she plans to pay for it, and again if she says she doesn't know then ask her if she wants to hear what you would do. If she does want to hear your thoughts, then tell her you'd think about getting a job, pawning something, or taking out a loan. Be there for her as a guide, but let it be her problem. GL!

    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 9:51 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I think this is hard thing to deal with. You want to help your child but you also want them to know the serious consequences for choices they make. I think it would speak to her character if she did find a job and started working before her court dates.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 9:59 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Is she likes to read, get her this book: http://www.askthejudge.info/dont-shoot-im-the-guitar-man/8832/

    The author is a child advocate and has been teaching music to kids locked up in detention for years. This book is a must-read book for kids heading down the wrong path. It's a real eye opener about our prison system and making the right choices.
    NatalieC25

    Answer by NatalieC25 at 7:16 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

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